


Pride, Prejudice, and Persecution

by Kittycatkyla23



Series: Red Riding Hood Is Wearing Black [5]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Animal Transformation, Established Relationship, Hardcore, Holy Wars, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Minor Character Death, One Shot, Wholesome, Wordcount: Over 50.000, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 52,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittycatkyla23/pseuds/Kittycatkyla23
Summary: Every good relationship starts with a bumpy beginning. Yubiwa Rubi and Kurashi Toudaimoto are no exception to that. With Tsukishima and Rubi officially living together, what better way for them to get to know each other than for Rubi to explain how a human and a werewolf fell in love?
Relationships: Ruby no Yubiwa/Toudaimoto Kurashi
Series: Red Riding Hood Is Wearing Black [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1100043
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Pride, Prejudice, and Persecution

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to read The Red Riding Hood Series in chronological order, read this after you read chapter 35 of The Wretched Journey.

“Hey, we’re back!” Rubi called as he pushed through the door.

Rubi and Roppi came into the small cottage, clothes stripped off and put in their duffle’s along their backs. The two just came back from hunting, since Tsuki and Toudai were out of meat. Toudai had brought vegetables down from the cave to the small cottage for Tsuki, so the doctor could make a salad. However, since the blond couldn’t move around thanks to a broken femur, Tsuki needed as much protein as he could get.

Toudai rushed up to Rubi with a happy smile in place. He practically barreled into Rubi as he slammed against him—placing his bare hands on Rubi’s chest—although it barely even nudged him. Toudai looked up at him with that beautiful smile.

“Welcome back.” Toudai tilted his head to add to his cute factor.

Rubi chuckled to the gesture. He then put his hand against Toudai’s cheek, caressing him lovingly. In the next moment, Toudai stood on his tiptoes and pressed his lips to Rubi’s. The two held a kiss of passion for a few seconds before separating. Rubi then turned to put his duffle on the table—which gave Toudai the perfect opportunity to spank his bare rump. Rubi jolted and glowered over his shoulder. Toudai grinned happily.

“I’ll deal with you when we get back to the cave.” Rubi stated playfully.

“Oh, I quiver with fear.” Toudai stuck his tongue out with a smile.

Rubi just chuckled before facing front. Roppi snickered as he came over as well.

“What?” The white wolf asked.

“Nothing, nothing.” Roppi sneered.

Rubi cocked a brow in skepticism, but he still smiled all the same.

The two werewolves went about getting dressed, pulling out their clothes and putting them on leisurely. Toudai chuckled as he walked back over to Tsukishima. Rubi looked over his shoulder just in time to see the blond teen looking at his brunette lover with obvious disapproval. As soon as Toudai and Tsuki made eye contact, Tsuki cast his gaze to the side. Toudai smiled politely, but Rubi saw the strain to his lips and knew it was only to hide his rising annoyance. Rubi felt his own flair of annoyance to the judgement.

 ** _‘He was raised in a conservative Christian community.’_** Rubi thought. ** _‘And it’s not like his opinion of gay’s has become more positive after everything Roppi has put him through.’_**

Rubi glanced over at Roppi. The red-eyed raven was pulling on his socks. Just looking at his black-haired half-brother made a torrent of guilt course through his stomach. Guilt that he wasn’t able to help Roppi before he made himself a villain. Guilt that he allowed Roppi to be a villain for a year now. Guilt that he couldn’t have done the right thing to help Tsukishima all because he was scared to lose Roppi—the only family he had left.

He decided to stop staring to focus on buttoning his shirt.

“Are you feeling any pain, Tsukishima-kun?” Toudai asked.

“N-no.” Tsuki said. “My-my back is a li-little itchy, bu-but it’s not painful.”

Toudai nodded. “You won’t be able to walk around often, so you will be prone to rashes. If you start feeling itchy, roll over to let that part air out.”

“O-okay, um, is it-it okay for me to l-lay on my right side?”

“Does it hurt to lay on your right side?”

Tsuki was quiet for a moment. “…Yeah.”

“Then don’t lay on your right.”

Rubi chuckled to that. Fully dressed, he turned around to see what Tsuki’s reaction was. The blond glowered but didn’t say anything. It was obvious he wanted to say _something_ , but he refrained. New guilt began to stir. No doubt Tsuki was keeping quiet because Roppi instilled fear in him to watch his tongue.

“Are you warm enough?” Toudai asked. “Would you like another pelt?”

“N-no, I’m w-warm enough.”

Toudai smiled softly. “Would you like me to leave you alone?”

Rubi felt bad to hearing such a question. It was unfortunately a question Toudai had asked his patients many times in the past. Rubi knew this, but that never made the heart-clenching sadness ebb.

“…No.” Tsuki said hesitantly. “Um, ac-actually, I was, um…”

Tsuki fell quiet.

Toudai tilted his head. “What?”

“Is—if it’s no-not um—if it’s okay to um…” Tsuki blushed as he glanced to the side.

 ** _‘Does he need help getting to the chamber pot?’_** Rubi cocked a brow.

“Can you t-tell me how yo-you and Rubi-san became l-lovers?”

Toudai’s eyes widened in genuine surprise. So did Rubi’s.

“I-I’m just cur-curious!” Tsuki said quickly. “You-you don-don’t have to if you don-don’t want to! I ju-just w-wondered how a hu-human could-could fall in love with a we-werewolf.”

Rubi stiffened to that statement. He quickly looked back at Roppi. Roppi’s brow’s furrowed with obvious hurt before he glanced to the side.

“Hey, Rubi,” Roppi said. “Help me gut these rabbits.”

“Um, sur—”

“I’ll help you.” Toudai cut in. “Rubi, why don’t you tell Tsuki how we met?”

Rubi’s eyes widened in surprise. “Me?”

“No, the Rubi standing behind you.” Toudai came around Rubi and gave him a gentle shove towards Tsuki. “You’re going to be spending the night with him, so you might as well be able to strike a conversation with him.”

“I-I can strike a conversation.”

Toudai chuckled as he rolled his eyes. “I can’t name one time either of you have talked to each other, other than to ask for food.”

“We talked when Izaya—”

“Rubi.” Toudai said in a voice that very obviously stated, ‘you’re missing the point’.

Rubi fell quiet. He knew Toudai was getting annoyed with him, so it was best to just keep his mouth shut for a moment.

“If you’re going to be staying here with him most nights,” The doctor continued, “you two should at least be able to talk without the heavy air of awkwardness surrounding you.”

Toudai shoved him again. This time, Rubi had no choice but to stand before Tsuki. The two looked at each other with uncertainty. It was agreed that Rubi would stay with Tsukishima while Roppi and Toudai went up to the cave. Toudai couldn’t stay with Tsuki twenty-four seven since Shizuo was still injured and needed attention. However, no one was comfortable leaving Tsuki alone when he was three hours away from any help. Obviously, Roppi could not stay with him, Sakuraya and Shitsuo wouldn’t volunteer, and they couldn’t move Shizuo down to live with Tsuki—thus allowing Toudai to live with the two injured men—when Izaya was not in his right mind. So, the only logical option was to have Rubi stay with Tsuki.

It wasn’t the first choice for either party involved, but they all agreed it was the best outcome. It was quite obvious that Tsuki and Rubi never really talked, never really interacted with each other. After all, Rubi was partly to blame for Tsuki’s kidnapping. He was the one who decided they would continue to Taiwan in favor of keeping Roppi from killing himself instead of taking the poor, scared teen back to Izaya’s place.

Rubi was ashamed of his actions. He would never deny that to be the case. But he didn’t want to lose Roppi. He couldn’t lose Roppi. He couldn’t be left all alone again. But it was that shame that kept Rubi from trying to befriend Tsukishima. He doubted the blond wanted his company. No doubt, Tsuki also blamed Rubi—and if he didn’t, he should. It didn’t seem at all appropriate for Rubi to try to be friends with the blond when he damned Tsukishima to a life of suffering.

However, Rubi would agree that Toudai had a point—as usual. If Tsuki and Rubi were going to be the only company for each other for quite a few weeks to come, they should at least be able to talk with each other normally. He didn’t see how talking about his past would help that, but Toudai was rarely wrong so who was Rubi to question.

“Alright, so you really want to know?” Rubi asked.

“If um…if you-you don-don’t mind tel-telling it…” Tsuki said, hesitantly.

Toudai smiled in approval. The brunette then turned to Roppi. The two went into the kitchen together. Rubi grabbed a chair from the table and pulled it to Tsuki’s bedside. He turned it backwards and sat down, crossing his arms over the back of it.

“Alright, so I guess I’ll start by how Toudai and I first met.” Rubi started. “It was a nice spring night, and I was being hunted by priests of the church…”

* * *

Rubi panted heavily as he ran through the trees. Branches snagged against his white fur as he rushed past them. His claws dug into the turf, propelling himself faster. Behind him, he could hear the clopping of hooves. There were at least three priests chasing him through the woods.

**_‘Dammit! Of all the places, why the hell did there have to be priests under the mountain?!’_ **

Rubi glowered at the thought. He had been returning back to the mountain after having a meeting with Shizuo, Sakuraya, and Shitsuo. Shizuo lived in the church while Sakuraya and Shitsuo lived on Kichirou’s old property, however, the group had to make their way over to Orihara Izaya’s manor. Roppi had remained in the cave since it was the full moon. The town in the valley would be making an offering tonight so the big, black wolf had to be the one to get it. So, Rubi decided he’d go and relay the information to Roppi upon his return.

However, as he—in the form of a wolf—was reaching the bottom of the mountain, he came across a small camp of priests. Rubi had been sneaky enough not to alert those around the fire, but a priest—coming back with his hunt of rabbits—had walked up right behind Rubi. Thus, leading to their current situation.

Rubi couldn’t run up the mountain. Not only would he potentially lead these priests to their cave, but there was no guarantee he would be able to traverse the terrain fast enough before getting hit by their arrows. He already had a few in his skin from just this chase alone. He could only imagine how accurate they would be on an open landscape. So, Rubi ran deeper into the forest, using the trees for as much cover as he could.

**_‘Dammit, dammit, dammit! What do I do?! I can’t shake them!’_ **

Searing pain shot up Rubi’s hindleg as another arrow pierced his flesh. He let out a howl of pain and stumbled. However, he kept his footing, albeit losing some speed. Rubi shook it off as best he could and buried his claws into the ground. He pushed himself harder. He couldn’t let the pain stop him. The moment he did was the moment he died.

Rubi ran. It was all he could do. If he turned around to fight them, he would get a bolt through the eye without question. Rubi just had to run!

He heard the horses slowing behind him.

**_‘They have to be running out of steam! Now’s my chance!’_ **

Rubi pushed harder. There were some bushes in front of him, blocking his view. Rubi slammed his feet on the ground in a jump. He leaped over the thicket.

Then his eyes stretched wide. Not even a foot in front of him, the grass gave away to stone, which immediately gave away to a huge cavern in the land.

**_‘That’s why they stopped! They knew there was a gorge—’_ **

Rubi’s thought was cut as he landed on the stone. He tried to stop himself, however, his claws slid against the smooth rockface with no traction to be had. He scrambled his paws wildly to try and get a grip, to try and stop himself before he reached the gorge. He twisted to give himself more space.

His efforts were all in vain. Turning his body only made it so he didn’t fall headfirst into the fissure of the land. His back feet fell into the gorge. He clawed with his front paws in one final desperate attempt to stop himself before he fell.

Rubi howled as gravity pulled him down. His stomach clenched and his voice was tugged from his throat. Profound fear coursed through the werewolf’s mind.

**_‘I’m gonna die…’_ **

That was his first thought. His second thought was the image of his half-brother. His sour expression and blood red eyes.

**_‘Roppi won’t know I—’_ **

His thought was interrupted as his back slammed against water with a mighty splash. The wind was knocked out of him from the impact. He inhaled and immediately got water in his throat. Panic took him over. He was able to register a small pit of gratitude that the gorge was filled with water instead of empty. At least he hadn’t fallen to his death. But now, he had to do something fast before he drowned.

Quickly, he clawed his way up. At least he thought it was up. He was being pushed by the rapids. He couldn’t see anything but darkness. He wasn’t sure what was up or down, but he let his nose do the leading. Tilting his head up made it burn with rushing water so he could only assume that was the surface.

The rapids pulled at him. Water soaked into his fur and made him heavy. Every orifice burned from the battering water. He kicked and clawed rapidly. His lungs burned.

Rubi slammed against a rock. His jaws parted as he called out in pain, water forcing its way in. However, in the next moment, the rapids forced Rubi to the surface. The white wolf gasped loudly as air filled his lungs. He dug his claws into the rock he was pressed against, trying to get a foothold. His grip lasted for a whopping two seconds before the water pulled him along.

Rubi was pulled along the rapids. He clawed and kicked desperately to try and keep his head above water. Such a task was very difficult. Not only was the water throwing him about, but his duffle around his neck was weighing him down in addition to his thick fur. He approached a set of rolling rapids, in which he was tugged under once again. It was there he decided to lose the duffle. It was only hindering his ability to float. Quickly, he clawed at the strap and pushed, pushed, pushed until it came off his head. His back paws hit the gorge floor and he kicked off as powerful as he could. His head broke the surface once again while his duffle was lost to the current.

He clawed at every rock, ever wall of the gorge he could to try and pull himself up, if anything just to rest for a moment. He was tired, beyond exhausted. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping his muscles going. It numbed the pain to the arrows in his body. At random points of his journey downstream, he would slam against rocks and some of the arrows snapped off, leaving just their arrowheads in his flesh. Quite a few of his claws had been wrenched from his paws in his desperation to hold onto rock. His ribs were taking a beating with ever roll of the rapids.

Rubi wasn’t sure how long he was struggling for. He wasn’t sure where he was or if the priests were still after him. He wasn’t even sure how much longer he could last. He didn’t know anything other than he had to keep his head above water and keep swimming.

Eventually, the gorge ended, giving away to a calm river with flat land on either side. The rapids died down to a manageable current. Hope flared in Rubi’s chest. The full moon illuminated the riverbanks. Rubi was in the middle of the river, a good 80 feet of water on either side of him before he could reach land, and there were no priests or horses in sight. He decided to go to the left bank. If he wasn’t as turned around as he believed he was, the priests were on the right side of the gorge. He fell in on the right so the left side would be the safest for him—he hoped.

On tired limbs, Rubi began swimming towards the left riverbank. Claw, kick, claw, kick. Rubi made the slow trudge towards land. His hindlegs and left shoulder were in agony from the stir to his muscles. The arrowheads stabbed deeper into his flesh with every kick and claw. His neck was strained from keeping his chin above water. His lungs hurt from his efforts. He was panting heavily, and his heart was thudding against his chest. He was wavering with fatigue. But he could keep going. He had to.

His calm swim was interrupted by a powerful pull to his body. He gasped before his head was pulled under by a dominating suction.

**_‘I got caught in an undertow! No!’_ **

Rubi was pulled further, further down under the water. The pressure around him made his ears pop, ring, and ache. There was such a heavy weight on his body and it only got heavily as he was forced closer to the river bottom. He clenched his teeth hard to try and keep the little air he had.

Before he knew it, his feet touched soft sand.

**_‘So, this is how I die? By drowning?’_ **

Rubi closed his eyes tight shut as he dug his claws into the sand. He pushed himself to the left, closer to his desired riverbank and hopefully out of the suction of the undertow.

**_‘Not yet. I can’t give up yet!’_ **

He gave a short gallop against the river bottom. Then, with as much power as his tired limbs could muster, he pushed off the riverbed towards the surface. Once he lost the momentum from his push, he kicked rapidly. He swam, he clawed, he raked the water with his paws. He wouldn’t stop swimming until his limbs gave out on him, until his lungs stopped working. He had to keep fighting until his body gave up!

His lungs were screaming for him to breathe. He felt his chest tighten, which caused his strength to waver.

**_‘No, not yet! I have to keep swimming!’_ **

Rubi’s front paw broke the surface a moment before his head did. He gasped greedily, sucking in as much air as his lung demanded. He then coughed harshly to get rid of any water that made its way inside him. He didn’t take a moment to pause. He continued to kick, barely opened eyes trained on the riverbed.

**_‘Just keep…swimming…I’m almost there. Don’t give…out yet. I can…can do this…’_ **

Rubi swam blind. His mind was blurry and his vision fuzzy. He was tired. So tired. He needed to rest. He needed to stop and just take a breather. He knew he couldn’t. He knew he had to keep going. Stopping would mean he drowned. His fur would just drag him under if he tried to float. He had to keep swimming.

His bleeding front paw touched soft sand while his head was still above water. He dug his paw in, dragging himself with his front paws until his back feet touched the sand, as well. He stood on shaky limbs. Slowly, he walked his way up the riverbank. With every step, the water became lower and lower to his body. His paws hurt as sand got into his wounds from his missing claws, grating against the bleeding gaps. The arrows in his hindlegs and shoulder blade throbbed with every step.

It felt like a good hour before his feet finally left the water and touched soft grass.

**_‘I…made it…’_ **

However, Rubi still couldn’t rest. He was out in the open and the priests could shoot him from the other side of the river. He looked up. There was a tree line just a clearings length away. He had to get under the cover of bush and trees. And so, he pushed onward. His head was hung low with exhaustion as he forced one bleeding foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the…

Leaves of a bush brushed his ears. He pushed himself through the foliage and collapsed to the dirt on the next step. He panted heavily and quickly, his long tongue hanging out of his mouth. He tasted dirt as it rested against the ground, but he didn’t care.

**_‘I need to…transform back…My fur…I’m a sitting duck like…this…’_ **

Rubi closed his eyes as he forced himself to focus. Focus on the image of his human form. Pale flesh, a mess of white hair, pink eyes, broad shoulders. A groan escaped his throat as his battered bones began to pop. A vice grip of pain came over him, far more painful than any other transformation he had before. He could only assume it was because of his countless injuries.

He called out in pain as his form began to shift. The bones moved under the skin, cracking and popping to become smaller. His hindlegs snapped to straighten into the legs of a man. The muscles squeezed the arrowheads in his flesh and were torn, making the puncture holes bigger and bloodier. The pain reached its peak in a burning inferno of agony as his organs moved to their proper placement and size. Rubi wanted to scream; however, he didn’t have the energy to expel such a voice. Instead, as his white fur fell off his body in clumps, he let out a pitiful whimper. His remaining claws were forced off his fingers by his remaining nails and fell to the ground with a soft clatter. The claws that were missing did not regrow new nails.

Finally, the transformation was over. Rubi lied in the dirt, panting harshly and as naked as the day he was born. His vision blurred around him. His world was spinning. The pain of his transformation ended, but the pain of his injuries remained and pulsed with newfound agony. He couldn’t move. It hurt to move and even if it didn’t, he had no energy to put in the effort.

Rubi just wanted to lay there. He wanted to sleep. He knew he probably shouldn’t. If the priests find a naked man with the same hair as the werewolf they had been hunting and surrounded by werewolf clippings, then he was sure to be killed in his sleep. Rubi was still in danger, but he just didn’t have the energy to move.

**_‘Just a little…nap. I…won’t sleep for long. Just…a short nap…’_ **

Twigs snapped. Fear stabbed Rubi’s heart as he forced his eyes open, but he couldn’t move his head towards the noise. Soon enough, an individual stood before him. Rubi’s vision was a blur so he could barely see. Against the pale moonlight, all he could see was a bloodred cloak.

**_‘Who…It’s not…a priest…right…?’_ **

The person opened his mouth to say something. But Rubi couldn’t hear anything. He wasn’t sure if it was his blurry mind, his popped eardrums or his thundering heartbeat, but he just couldn’t hear what this person was saying.

In the next moment, it didn’t matter as the exhaustion took hold and Rubi’s whole world went black.

* * *

Rubi woke with a heavy fog to his mind and several aches across his body. His eyes opened slowly with great effort. He stared up at a wooden roof. He was lying on a bed, a twin-sized bed that was actually quite soft. Softer than straw, that was for certain. A warm quilt was over him and a soft pillow was under his head.

**_‘Where…?’_ **

Rubi looked around himself. He was in a grand room. It looked like this place was once a mess hall or maybe a chapel, but it was no longer as it was lined with beds and nightstands with lanterns on them. Rubi was the only one in the room at the moment. There was a window at either end of the hall. There was a door on the wall opposite of him and a door at the end of the huge room. A desk sat under the window next to the door at the end, shining sunlight through its glass panes.

The white wolf then looked down at himself. His fingertips that had the claws—and consequently the nails—yanked out were wrapped in gauze. There was a tightness around his chest. A quick lift of the blanket showed his ribs were wrapped with bandages. He was also wearing a simple white yukata. The blond propped himself on his elbow and forced himself up. He groaned with his efforts, his left shoulder blade spiking with pain, but managed to sit upright. Such a movement caused pain to shoot through his ribs as well. He hugged them and exclaimed in pain.

**_‘Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…’_ **

The door across from Rubi opened. Rubi looked up as a pit of fear gripped his stomach. He didn’t know who he would see, and he was terrified it might be a priest. That moment of fear was quickly quelled once he saw a simple brunette woman who looked to be in her late-teens, early-twenties. She was wearing pants, a simple button-up, and a baggy white haori with red diamonds on the sleeves.

 ** _‘Wow, she’s pretty.’_** Rubi couldn’t help himself thinking.

With full eyelashes, thin brows, a small nose and full red lips, Rubi couldn’t deny this woman was a very beautiful individual.

“Good afternoon.” She said, her voice a little thicker than befitting a woman. “You should not move around too much. Your ribs are bruises, one of which is fractured. You are going to be very sore over the next few days.”

The woman walked over.

“I administered some anesthetics in your system, so you may sleep peacefully. Now that you are awake, would you be alright with taking more or do you dislike the use of drugs?”

She sat down on the edge of the bed. Her small, delicate hand reached out to rest on Rubi’s forehead.

“Your temperature seems to be okay, finally.” She smiled warmly. “You were so cold when I brought you in, I worried you would catch hypothermia.”

“I…” Rubi’s voice was scratchy as his throat was parched. He didn’t realize he was so thirsty until he tried to talk.

“Here.” The girl said.

She reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a canteen of water. She held it out to Rubi.

“Th-thank you.” Rubi said as he took it.

Rubi opened it and took a generous drink from the metal container. He only stopped when he struggled to breath from his greedy gulping.

The woman giggled. “I wouldn’t think you’d be so eager for a drink after a night’s swim in the river.”

Rubi looked at her and chuckled softly. “Well, a guys gotta drink when a guys gotta drink.”

The two shared a soft chuckle.

“Kurashi-san!” Someone called on the other side of the door.

The two looked over before the woman opened the drawer of the nightstand. She pulled out a pink cloth that looked like a thin scarf.

“Here, put this pashmina on.” The girl said. “Hide your white hair.”

Rubi’s eyes widened. He couldn’t recall the last time he had been around someone who would question his hair and the woman started a conversation with him so casually he didn’t even realize his hair of ‘the devil’ was exposed. Rubi nodded quickly and wrapped the pashmina around his neck like a scarf, giving plenty of slack behind his head. He then pulled it on like a hood, draping it low to hide his eyes and bangs.

“Kurashi-san!”

Another woman burst through the door.

“Hello, Muyishi-san.” The brunette stood. “Has Toyo-san’s condition worsened?”

The newcomer nodded. “He hasn’t kept anything down since yesterday!”

The woman nodded. She looked back at Rubi. “Please, wait for my return and we’ll continue our conversation.”

Rubi nodded.

“There is a chamber pot through that door.”

She pointed to a door Rubi hadn’t seen before, one on the opposite wall but closer to the front door.

“If you wish to walk around, make sure to use these crutches.”

She gestured to the wooden crutches by the nightstand.

“Make sure to eat and stay hydrated and try not to move around too much.”

Rubi nodded again. Without another word, the ‘Kurashi’ woman went to the end of the hall to the desk by the door. She reached under the table and grabbed a doctor’s bag. She and the other woman left without another word, closing the door behind them.

 ** _‘Beautiful and capable. What a woman.’_** Rubi thought with a smile. **_‘Seems I’m in good hands.’_**

That smile faded as he pulled the pashmina off his head. Pessimism began to rear its ugly head.

**_‘She was kind enough to give me this but is more than aware that my hair would deem me a ‘hell spawn’. I don’t know who she is. I don’t know if she’s aware of what I am. Those priests can’t be that far behind me and if they stop here, they’ll know who I am. She’ll turn me in as soon as they describe my wolf. I can’t stay here for long.’_ **

Rubi let out a heavy sigh as he threw the quilt off.

**_‘I’ll at least thank her properly, but I’ve got to leave. I’ve got to get back to Roppi.’_ **

With that in mind, Rubi went to the restroom, ate some food and lied in bed. He had a harsh time walking across the room since there were many stitched-closed holes in his legs—two in his left thigh (one in the back and one in the side), one on his right thigh above his knee, and one right under his left hip on the side of his rump—but he did as Kurashi stated and used the crutches to make his journey. They helped immensely, that was for certain.

He then waited patiently for Kurashi to return. He found some books to read while he waited. He was thankful that his stepfather had taught him how to read and write when he was a child. He wasn’t sure what he would do if he couldn’t spend time on a good book. He felt pity for the rest of his pack that couldn’t read. Shizuo was the only other person in the pack who could read and write, and he only learned at fifteen because Izaya made him learn. Even then, he rarely read for pleasure, only when he had to. Rubi had tried to teach Roppi how to read, but Roppi had just stated, “You can’t eat books, so why bother learning that?” It was such a disappointment but there was nothing Rubi could do about it.

Rubi waited nearly three hours before the doctor returned.

“Oh, you can read.” The woman said with genuine surprise as she put her doctor’s bag on her desk. “I put them there in case you were able, but I haven’t met many who could.”

“Ah, yeah,” Rubi looked up at her. “My stepfather was a retired priest, so he taught me how to read.”

“Oh, really?” Her eyes widened. “I wouldn’t expect a priest to—um…”

She trailed off awkwardly. Rubi decided to finish her sentence.

“You wouldn’t expect a priest to raise a hell spawn?”

She smiled politely, but it was quite obvious she was uncomfortable. “Well…yes…”

Rubi nodded. “That’s why he was a retired priest. When he decided to marry my mother, he chose to retire. He was a newfound priest anyway, so he didn’t have much commitment when he left the church.”

“Interesting.” Kurashi walked over. She sat down on the bed again and checked Rubi’s temperature. “You don’t seem to be becoming sickly. You’ve got a strong immune system.”

“Yeah, I tend to heal fast. I can’t remember the last time I got sick.”

“That’s good. That means you should be able to leave in five days instead of ten.”

“Um…yeah, about that.” Rubi chuckled. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I need to move on from here.”

“Not until your injuries are healed.”

“My injuries are the reason I have to move on. I—”

“I may not know the origin of your wounds,” she interrupted, “but as the one who found you, I can assume you did not do this to yourself. However, I can also assume that since you came from the river, you must have crossed it to get away from your assailants. From where I picked you up, it’s another twenty miles to the nearest crossing, so unless your pursuers wish to swim across as well, they are going to have quite some time getting across and making it back to where you pulled yourself out. Rest assured, you have time on your side.”

“But not as much time as you think. They’ll be here by the end of the day, I’m sure.”

“This town is not easy to find unless you know it exists. We have a few traders who exploit this factor. Whoever is hunting you, I doubt they know of this location.”

“Is there a church in this town?”

“No. Not officially, at least. Our priest was not ordained, and our church is the priests’ house.”

“…Do any official priests know of this place?”

“A few. The Awakusu-Kai family knows.”

**_‘That’s Shizuo’s church.’_ **

Rubi cast his gaze down in thought.

**_‘I don’t think the priests chasing me last night were part of that church. If I can get Shizuo’s help, then even if those priests come for me, Shizuo can do something about it. He should be back there by now, so if I could send a letter or something…’_ **

“Do your people have a way to send letters out?” Rubi asked.

“We do, yes. If you need to send a letter, I can arrange it within the hour.”

“That would be appreciated.”

She nodded before standing. She went over to her desk and pulled out a parchment and a graphite stick. She returned and handed it to Rubi. Rubi nodded his thanks. He used the book he had been reading as a table to write.

“I assure you,” Kurashi stated as she sat back down. “I will not let any priests hurt you over a nefarious reason such as your hair. They have no evidence to prove you are a hell spawn and so I will vouch for you.”

Rubi stopped writing to look up at her. “You’re willing to defy the church for someone you don’t know?”

“If I think the church is wrong, yes.”

“And what if…” Rubi stopped himself from finishing that thought.

**_‘What if the church isn’t wrong? She doesn’t know I’m a werewolf. If she did, she wouldn’t help me.’_ **

Rubi chuckled. “I guess I should expect as much. If you’re willing to go against the convention and wear pants as a woman, then it’s no surprise you’ll vouch for a hell spawn.”

Kurashi smiled, but the smile was cold and made Rubi cock a brow.

“I would like to think it has to do with my character, not my conventions.” She stated. “However, I’m not a woman.”

Rubi’s eyes widened with genuine surprise. “Wha—you’re a man?!”

“That is right.”

Rubi’s face flushed with embarrassment. “I am _so_ sorry! You were—your face is—you’re really pretty so I thought, um—”

Kurashi chuckled. Rubi’s eyes widened for a new reason. _He_ smiled at Rubi with genuine kindness.

“It is alright.” The doctor said. “You are not the first to make that mistake, and surely not the last.”

Rubi hesitated before he chuckled. “That’s comforting.”

Kurashi smiled softly.

**_‘Gosh, his smile’s gorgeous.’_ **

“We got off topic slightly.” The doctor stated. “I highly recommend that you remain here at least until the stitches are healed. They will become inflamed in the next few days, which will cause great discomfort and if not handled correctly, will be quite painful.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed with confliction. “I get that, but it’ll probably hurt more if I get more arrows put in me.”

“Quite so. And it may be more than likely you’ll come across your assailants on your travel. At least here, the chance for them to find you are slim.”

“But still possible.”

“Of course, anything is possible. However, it is not likely.”

Kurashi put his hand over Rubi’s. The white wolf’s eyes widened.

“Please, I ask of you.” Kurashi said. “Remain here. I give you my word no harm will fall to you so long as you are within my clinic.”

“…No offense, but I don’t know you. How can I trust your word?”

“Then trust my honor as a doctor. I will not allow more suffering to fall upon my patients, so long as I can help it.”

**_‘…I don’t know if a run-of-the-mill doctor will have much power to protect me from the church.’_ **

“I will not let harm befall you.” Kurashi leaned in close, forcing Rubi to maintain eye contact with him. “I swear this to you. But I cannot make such a promise unless you remain here.”

Rubi couldn’t help but be captivated by those russet brown eyes. He wanted to believe what this man had to say. He truly did. However, was Rubi really willing to put his life in the hands of a human? The last time he did such a thing, it ended with the death of his stepfather and the abandonment from his mother. He couldn’t be stupid enough to do such a thing again.

 ** _‘I’ll wait until tonight, then sneak out.’_** Rubi decided.

“Alright, I’ll stay.” 

Kurashi smiled warmly. Rubi’s heart flutter to such a gentle gaze. So different than how Roppi looked at him. Then he felt guilt grip his chest for deceiving this genuinely nice person. 

**_'I can't trust him. I don't need to feel guilty.'_** He told himself—although he wasn't very convinced.

“Allow me to change your bandages.” Kurashi said. “And I believe proper introductions are in order. My name is Kurashi Toudaimoto. You may call me whatever makes you the most comfortable.”

“…I’m Rubi. Yubiwa Rubi.”

“As in the gem*?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a lovely name. Although, I question why that’s your name when your eyes are pink, not red. If anything, you should have been named after rose quartz.”

Rubi shrugged. “I like my name.”

Toudai smiled. “It is a beautiful name.”

Rubi blushed. “…Well, your name is pretty too. I’m assuming Toudaimoto is spelt with the characters for ‘lighthouse’ and Kurashi is spelt with ‘darkness’.”

“That’s right.”

“That’s really nice. Your name is a contradiction. I can only assume it’s fitting.”

“There are indeed parts of me that are a contradiction.” Toudai stood. “My face versus my gender is one of them.”

“And what are the others?”

The raven smiled down at him with obvious coy. “Unfortunately, that is not something I can share with someone I just met.”

Rubi cocked a brow. **_‘What’s that supposed to mean?’_**

Rubi decided not to prod the subject as he returned his attention to his letter while Toudai went off to fetch fresh bandage wraps.

* * *

Within the next hour, Toudai finished cleaning the arrow holes on his legs and the one on his shoulder blade. He also swapped the wrapping around his chest since they were sweaty. Rubi cringed through it all, having to take pause from his letter to get through it. In another forty minutes after, he finished his letter.

Once done, Toudai took the letter and left to have it delivered to the Awakusu-Kai church. Within his letter, Rubi explained his predicament without outright saying he was being hunted by the church—in case one of Shizuo’s fellow priests were to read the letter as well—and how he was going to need aide as quickly as possible. He then explained the closest landmark to his location—the gorge—and that he was in a small town that wasn’t run by the church. He didn’t know where but maybe their informant would.

He hoped for a speedy response. He hoped the pigeon would arrive to its desired destination before dark. It would make Shizuo trying to find Rubi even harder if the white wolf was moving around.

Rubi let out a sigh as he set the book down.

 ** _‘I’m hungry.’_** He thought.

_“I will deliver your letter then go shopping for groceries. Is there anything you dislike or are allergic to?”_

**_‘He really is kind. When all of this is said and done, I’ll come back and pay forward his generosity. Ah, but how would I do that? He lives in a civilized word so money is priority and we definitely don’t need that. I doubt fresh kill will do anything for a sophisticated doctor like him.’_ **

Rubi hugged his chest as he sat himself up. He groaned with his effort.

**_‘I’ll ask for some painkillers before I go so I can make the journey. My feet are going to kill me with missing nails.’_ **

He glowered.

**_‘Ah, I’m going to need shoes. I can’t steal any from him; his feet are way too small.’_ **

He sighed again.

**_‘I guess it won’t be a big deal if I walk barefoot. I’ve done it plenty of times before. Just have to try and keep dirt off my missing nails.'_ **

The front door opened. Toudai walked in, closing the door behind him. He looked at Rubi with concern. Rubi cocked a brow.

“Is something—”

“Come with me. Now.” Toudai put his basket of fruit and bread on the desk.

Rubi cocked a brow. The raven rushed over to the blond and grabbed his arm. Rubi cringed in pain as he was pulled up.

“Sorry." Toudai said, hastily. "But please, come with me, Rubi-kun.”

“What’s going on?”

“Just come!”

Rubi moved with the doctor. Toudai guided him to the door across the room from his bed. He opened it, revealing a bedroom. No doubt this was where Toudai slept.

**_‘What is he doing?’_ **

Toudai tugged Rubi along until they stood next to the bed. The doctor knelt down and threw the blanket up. His mattress was on a wooden frame which had drawers in the side. He pulled the drawers out completely and looked up at Rubi.

“Climb in here, quickly.” Toudai said. “And do not make a noise.”

“Why?” Rubi cocked a brow. “What’s going on?”

“Priests just entered the town, looking for a white werewolf.”

Rubi’s eyes widened.

“They’re searching every home. Hide here quickly!”

“W-wait, you’re…you’re going to help me? But I—”

“ _Quickly_ , Rubi-kun!”

Rubi jolted as his brows furrowed with confliction.

**_‘How can I trust him? How do I know he isn’t trapping me until the priests arrived? But why would he pull this elaborate ruse if he was going to hand me over? I didn’t know they were coming…’_ **

“Rubi-kun!” Toudai grabbed the hem of Rubi’s yukata and tugged. “Trust me, please. I swear, I am not your enemy.”

Rubi was torn. What if he was lying? What if he was telling the truth? He could run in the woods and hope the priests didn't find him, or put his life in the hands of a man he only knew for a few hours.

Rubi didn't know.

But did he really have a choice?

The blond clenched his teeth and closed his eyes tight shut. “I must be out of my mind.”

The white wolf opened his eyes, staring down at Toudai. Rubi went down on his knees to look at the gap left by the removed drawers. He then looked back to Toudai.

“If you betray me, I’ll never forgive you.” Rubi said with a crooked smile.

“I will not, I promise. Now, quick!”

Rubi nodded before he leaned down. It was a very tight fit and the wood scraped against Rubi’s injuries, but he managed to squeeze into the small space under the mattress.

“Press yourself to the other drawers so I can put these drawers back in.” Toudai stated. “You should have just enough space.”

“Alright. I’m there.”

Toudai grabbed the drawer, putting it into the lower slot. The doctor then leaned down to look at Rubi.

“Do not make a noise, no matter what. I know it will be uncomfortable, but you can’t move around.”

“I know, I kn—”

There was a loud banging at the door. The two jolted. Without wasting another moment, Toudai put the other drawer in, casting Rubi in complete darkness. Another bang resounded.

“Coming!” Toudai called, followed by rushing footsteps against the wood.

Then all was quiet. Rubi could barely make out muffled voices. Rubi’s heart thudded in his chest.

**_‘What if he does betray me? What if he put me here so I couldn’t run away, like a cornered rat? How could I be so stupid to trust a human? This is going to be the death of me and Roppi won’t know where I’m at! Shizuo won’t know—what if Toudai never sent the letter? No one will know where I’m at and my body will be dumped in a ditch! I won’t even get a proper burial!’_ **

Rubi clenched his teeth and closed his eyes tight shut, his fists clenching as well.

**_'How could I be so stupid?'_ **

“…Isn’t here anymore.” Toudai’s voice entered the room.

“We’ll still search to be sure.” A man said.

“Why would you give aide to a man with white hair to begin with?” Another man growled. “It was obviously a hell spawn!”

Someone sat down on the bed, applying pressure to Rubi’s side. He clenched his teeth to keep his voice down as his ribs began to ache.

“I do not discriminate based on appearance.” Toudai’s voice came from the weight on the bed. “He was hurt and naked. I assumed he was attacked by bandits. I offer aide to any weary traveler that needs it. Is that not what God would want, to offer a hand to those less fortunate?”

“But it was obviously a monster! How many humans have white hair?!” 

“Foreigners from across the sea have hair as yellow as the sun. When they age, their hair turns pure white. There are also cases when someone goes through a terrifying or traumatic experience in which their hair loses color and turns white. I don’t know if you ever keep track of affairs across the sea, but there was a French queen named Marie Antoinette who had been born with brown hair. However, she was sent to execution and when she made it to the guillotine, her hair had turned completely white due to the stress of her impending death. She was 37.”

No one responded. Rubi heard a disgruntled growl.

“There are not that many places to hide in my clinic.” Toudai stated. “If anything, he may have seen you about and went out the back window. If he went out the front door, he would have been seen by someone, and the back window is a straight shot to the forest with no one seeing him unless they were also in the forest.”

“How fast do you think it could run?”

“Not very. Running will tear his stitches so even if he moves fast, he’ll leave a blood trail behind him.”

Shoes shuffled around the room, the priests talking amongst each other while they searched. Rubi didn’t move, didn’t make a sound. He was barely even breathing since he kept holding his breath as often as he could.

Eventually, the priests grumbled in annoyance and left the room. Toudai got off the bed and followed.

“If he comes back,” Toudai stated, “I’ll send a letter to the church. Do you have a carrier pigeon to—”

“I doubt he’ll come back here. These beasts aren’t smart, but they’re not that dumb either. It’ll be running are far as it’s broken legs will take it.”

“Oh. Well…” The group was too far away for Rubi to hear.

Rubi waited. For five minutes, he heard nothing but muffled voices. Then all was quiet. However, another five minutes went by before Toudai returned.

“Remain quiet for a while longer.” Toudai said in a low voice. “There’s a chance they will stay close if they think I am lying.”

“Was sitting on the bed necessary?” Rubi growled. “My ribs are bruises and you know it.”

Toudai paused. “…Well, I figured it’d be the most convincing that someone wasn’t under there if I sat on it.”

Rubi grumbled.

Toudai waited another 20 minutes before he finally pulled the drawers out. Rubi pulled himself through the gap, lying sprawled on the floor as he groaned.

“You know,” Rubi grumbled. “Despite your feminine face, you do not have a feminine body. You’re fucking heavy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Owie.” Rubi rubbed his ribs. Then he looked up at Toudai. “Why did you help me? What they said, and you still…”

Toudai stared. He then shrugged.

“Don’t shrug.” Rubi forced himself up, groaning as his ribs hurt. “What if I am what they said?”

“If that is the case, why should I care?”

Rubi’s eyes widened.

“As far as I know, you haven’t done anything to warrant getting chased in the river naked.”

“But you don’t know anything about me! I could be a maneater, a murderer! If I am a werewolf, then I—”

“Have you?”

“…Um…” Rubi faltered. **_‘How can he look so calm?’_**

“Have you murdered people? Have you eaten people?”

“W-well, no. I haven’t…”

“Did you attack those men and that’s why they hunted you?”

“N-No. I stumbled across them…”

“Then you have done nothing to warrant the scrutiny casted upon you.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed. He wasn’t sure what to do or say. Never before had he come across someone who had been so accepting.

“But…” Rubi started. “I’m not…human…”

“Neither are dogs. Or cats or any other creature on this earth. People do not persecute animals for beings animals, only if they are deemed hazardous, so I see no reason why people should persecute werewolves for being werewolves unless they are hazardous.”

“But I could…hurt people…”

“Those priests could have easily hurt me. A child could hurt me. We’re all capable of it. What makes you special?”

Rubi felt his form shaking. **_‘Is he naive? Stupid? Is he just too kind? He’s just…too…perfect. There has to be something wrong here. How can he be so accepting?’_**

Rubi turned his head away as he bit his bottom lip. “You’re weird.”

“I get that a lot.” Toudai smiled as he stood. “I sent that letter out for you. Hopefully, you were writing to someone who can help you—although I question why you sent it to the Awakusu-Kai church. Regardless, I fear I’ll only have the capability to hide you and nothing more.”

“You’ve done more for me than I could have ever asked for. I can’t thank you enough.”

“I need no thanks.” Toudai held a hand out for Rubi. “I shouldn’t need to be a decent person all for the sake of a reward.”

Rubi chuckled. He took the offering and the doctor pulled him to his feet. “Thank you all the same.”

* * *

Rubi decided not to leave that night. The priests were no doubt still in the area, probably in the very woods Rubi would be escaping to. It wasn’t safe for him to leave while he had perfectly good sanctuary with this doctor. He decided he would wait for Shizuo to come for him.

So, for the time being, Rubi was Toudai’s little fugitive. The blond couldn’t leave Toudai’s room now, in case someone from the town saw him and turned against Toudai. The priests had moved on, however they made sure that everyone in the town knew they were looking for a white-haired werewolf who was injured. If anyone saw Rubi, they would know Toudai lied to the priests to protect a ‘hell spawn’ and no doubt persecute Toudai.

Because of this, Rubi had been stuck in Toudai’s personal bedroom this whole time. Toudai hadn’t had any patients to look after, but he had people drop by frequently enough that it was for the best Rubi just stayed there. The doctor was kind enough to bring in one of the beds for Rubi to sleep on.

“You know,” Rubi stated as dusk turned to night on the second day of his stay. “You really are an odd one.”

“I am aware of that.”

“No, I mean…” Rubi put the book down to look over at him. He sat on the bed while Toudai sat at a small desk, scrawling away on some papers. “The last time I met someone who accepted me was when I was a child. Their parents didn’t take to it very well, though.”

“It is a shame. You are actually very good company. I would like to have met you under different circumstances.”

“Why are you different?”

Toudai shrugged. “I don’t live the most conservative lifestyle, nor was I raised conservative.”

“I don’t think persecuting a monster is conservative thinking.”

Toudai shrugged again. He put down his fountain pen to look at Rubi. “I have a very difficult background. Because of that, I don’t see a reason to judge anyone based on their background, but on their personality and character. Besides, I doubt you wanted to be a werewolf. You were probably bitten and turned.”

Rubi glowered. “Actually, werewolves can’t turn people with the bite.”

Toudai’s eyes widened.

“That’s a misconception with us. It’s a bloodline; we’re born like this. There’s a creature out there called a lycan, which are who give werewolves a bad name. They’re the ones that were cursed by a witch to transform. They’re the ones that turn into that half-human, half-wolf form. They’re the ones that only turn on the full moon—they usually turn on the night they were originally bitten, which typically is a full moon—and lose touch of their humanity, killing anything they come across and not knowing they murdered until they turn human again. And they’re the ones that can pass on their curse with a bite. I’m in full control of myself, no matter my form, and I can bite you all I want and you’ll never become a werewolf.”

“Oh-ho, do you like biting, Rubi-kun?”

Rubi blushed. “U-um, well, I mean, I don’t—I don’t think…so, um…”

Toudai held back a laugh. “How old are you, Rubi-kun?”

"Um, I'm 19. I'll be 20 come spring."

“Oh, you’re quite young. It’s not a surprise you’re a virgin then.”

Rubi looked at him. Then his brows furrowed as he glanced to the side. “I’m not a virgin.”

Toudai stared at him for a moment before returning his gaze to his papers. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Rubi cocked a brow as he looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t look happy about the fact you’re not a virgin. If you wish to talk about it, I’m willing to listen.”

Rubi stared. **_‘I can’t tell anyone about me and Roppi. The fact that I slept with my half-brother so that he could finally sleep at night…’_** He glanced to the side. **_‘I can’t tell anyone.’_**

“It’s fine.” Rubi lifted his book back up. “It’s not something worth talking about.”

“That expression you made said otherwise.” Toudai stated. “But I won’t push that point.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed. **_‘Change the subject.’_ **

“How old are you, Toudai?” Rubi asked.

“I am 24.”

Rubi’s brows rose in surprise. “Really?!”

“Yes. I’ll turn 25 come February.””

“You don’t look—you look really young! I thought you were only a year older than me!”

Toudai chuckled. “Thank you.”

“Maybe it’s because of your beautiful face.” Rubi found himself saying before he realized he was talking to a sophisticated person.

Rubi blushed.

Toudai chuckled. “You best be careful, young man. You’ll set this old man’s heart aflutter.”

Rubi’s eyes widened as his face flushed even more. The white-haired man raised his book to hide his face.

Toudai held back a laugh, putting a hand over his mouth and turning his head away. He did his best to hold his laughter down as he shook with his soft laughter.

“Ah, I’m sorry.” Toudai said. “I don’t mean to mock you. Your innocence is quite refreshing. Most call me gross for making such a joke.”

“Why would they do that?” Rubi peered over the book.

Toudai looked at him. “Well, because that implies homosexuality.”

Rubi cocked a brow in confusion.

Toudai’s rose in question. “Do you know what homosexuality is?”

“Yeah, I know what it is.” Rubi lowered the book fully. “Why does that make you gross?”

“…Because homosexuality is one of the greatest sins to commit.”

Rubi cocked a brow. “I’ve never heard that. Is that a recent thing the church added?”

“…No. That’s been in the bible since Sodom and Gomorrah.”

‘I’ve never heard of that.”

“You’ve never heard of Sodom and Gomorrah?”

Rubi shook his head.

“You said your stepfather was a retired priest.” Toudai said. “Did he never teach you the bible?”

“He did.”

“Did he skip that part?”

Rubi shrugged.

“Well, when you get home, you should ask him to explain that.”

“…Um…” Rubi glanced to the side. “That’s not possible.”

“Oh? Is he your ex-stepfather?”

“No, he’s dead.”

Toudai stiffened.

“He was skewered by the townsfolk.”

Toudai looked at him. “A priest was murdered by the town?”

“Retired priest. He retired to marry my mother, remember? She was pregnant with me at the time, so marrying a woman who was heavy with another man’s child was frowned upon in the church. So, choosing to leave the church in favor of marrying a strange woman with white hair and pink eyes who was obviously pregnant out of wedlock didn’t leave him with many friends in the town.”

Toudai chuckled. “I understand that all too well. My father abandoned my mother while she was pregnant with me. He stole her golden wedding band he had given her, most-likely to make money off of it, so when she went to the church for aide, they claimed she was a harlot lying about her ‘marriage’ to get help.”

Rubi chuckled dryly. “Yeah. The church is really full of it.”

“Well, regardless of that, he was still a priest, whether retired or not. Why did the town kill your stepfather?”

Rubi stared for a moment before lying back on the bed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Toudai nodded. “Understood.”

Rubi let out a heavy sigh as he got under the blanket.

“If ‘lycans’ are the ones who turn into the half-human, half-wolf,” Toudai started, “then I can only assume means you’re the ones that turn into the giant wolves, right?”

Rubi looked over at him. “Yeah.”

“Does that mean you have a pack, Rubi-kun?”

The werewolf nodded.

“Does your pack know where you’re at?”

“No, it’s um, well, our pack is a little complicated.”

“If you’re okay talking about it, would you like to uncomplicate it?”

“…Um…well…” Rubi glanced to the side.

**_‘Should I expose such secrets to a human? I mean, he’s already proven I can trust him…And it’s not like Roppi and I will get exposed since we don’t live in a town. Maybe, if I keep everything else vague…’_ **

“See, um,” Rubi looked at Toudai. “Me and my half-brother are the only member’s left of the Hachimen pack. Our father, the alpha, wasn’t a good man and…got himself killed because of his actions.”

**_‘That’s putting it lightly. I can’t tell him he was murdered by his own son, Roppi, because Ryu was raping him.’_ **

“Another pack came in to scold our dad and after he died, they took me and Roppi in—I was only eleven and Roppi was nine. We were pretty self-sufficient despite our young age, but the Heiwa—um, the other pack couldn’t leave us to fend for ourselves. However, we have to defend the Hachimen territory and the other pack has their own territory to defend so we live separately. It’s just me and my half-brother.

“But because of that, I went to meet with our Alpha, who’s from the other pack, so we could discuss some things. Roppi stayed to…defend the territory. I was on my way back home when I stumbled across the priests. I was a good five days away from my home, so as far as my alpha and Roppi know, I’m still on my way home. But I sent that letter out so, hopefully, my alpha will come for me.”

“I hope so as well.” Toudai smiled at him. “However, the reason I ask, is you should have one of your packmates explain the sin of homosexuality and the story of Sodom and Gomorrah.”

“…Okay.” **_‘Shizuo could explain it to me.’_**

Toudai let out a heavy sigh before he stretched, bending backwards over the chair. His shirt raised to expose a smooth, pale, and flat stomach. Rubi blushed at the sight and looked away.

The doctor moved his chair back. “I am hungry. Do you wish for something as well?”

“…Yes, please.” Rubi glanced to the side, hoping his rosy cheeks weren’t noticeable.

“What would you like?” Toudai stood.

“Is there any meat? Like pork or beef?”

“I should have some, yes.” The doctor walked to the door. “You need to eat more than just meat, however. So, I shall make a salad on—”

Toudai opened the bedroom door and his words fell off. Rubi cocked a brow. Toudai immediately slammed the door, pushing against it. The werewolf quickly forced himself to sit up.

“What’s wrong?” Rubi’s eyes widened.

“Um…Rubi-kun, do you…” Toudai looked over his shoulder at the blond with a crooked smile. “Do you happen to have a friend that is headless?”

Rubi’s eyes widened with newfound surprise. “Headless? Like a dullahan?”

“Is that what they’re called? A woman in a black dres—”

Toudai fell quiet as someone knocked on the door softly. Toudai looked at Rubi with uncertainty.

“Hello.” A male voice said from the other side of the wood. “Sorry to disturb you so late at night. But if you could, open the door? I believe an acquaintance of mine is in there.”

“And might I ask what is this acquaintance’s name?” Toudai asked.

“Rubi. He is nineteen-years-old, has white hair and pink eyes.”

“And might I ask who you are?”

“No, you may not ask.”

Toudai glowered.

“Toudai-san,” Rubi pushed himself to his feet with a groan. “I recognize that voice. I think I know who it is.”

“Are you certain?”

Rubi nodded.

Toudai looked conflicted. However, he put his faith in Rubi and opened the door.

Immediately, the two regretted that decision as a hand came over Toudai’s mouth. The doctor jolted back, but his assailant—dressed in all black with a flowing cloak across his torso that sported a red underside—followed. Toudai was forced back until his legs collided with the foot of the bed. He fell onto the mattress with the black-clad man on top of him.

“W-w-wait, wai—”

Rubi’s call was stopped as another person rushed into the room. Said person grabbed his wrist hard.

“Come along, Rubi.” The person—a man with blond-tipped but brown-rooted hair and wearing priestly robes—said.

Rubi looked at the person. “Shi-Shizu—”

“Now, now, don’t struggle, don’t struggle.” The raven on top of Toudai cooed, holding the flailing doctor down. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

Toudai refused to listen as he kicked his legs and punched the person’s chest.

“W-wait, Izaya, wait!” Rubi tugged his hand free of Shizuo’s hold.

“Rubi!” Shizuo hissed as he reached for him again.

Rubi rushed over and grabbed Izaya’s arm. “Wait, wait, calm down! Nothing happened! He—”

“Ah, Rubi, why’d you have to do that?” Izaya looked up at Rubi. “I was just going to knock him out, but since you said my name…” He looked back down at Toudai. “Seems I don’t have a choice now.”

Toudai’s eyes narrowed in a glare.

“Izaya, listen—”

Rubi was once again interrupted, this time by Toudai. The doctor had grabbed the book that Rubi had left on the bed and bashed Izaya in the head with it. The assailant groaned with the impact. Toudai then kicked, his shin colliding with Izaya’s crotch. The brunette’s eyes stretched wide as he coughed. He immediately fell to the side, holding his damaged goods with his head tilted down. Toudai scurried back on the bed until he was no longer under the raven.

“I do not take kindly to being attacked within my own home.” Toudai pushed himself off the bed, glaring at Izaya. “Whether you be werewolf or otherwise.”

Izaya didn’t respond. Toudai took the opportunity to stand close to Rubi. The blond wasn’t sure if he did that to protect himself or to help Rubi when needed. The blond decided to give less reason for Toudai to be attacked again by leaning on him, putting one arm over his shoulder, and using him as a crutch. Toudai reciprocated by putting a hand around Rubi’s back. The werewolf raised one leg—the leg with the most arrow holes in it—up to get pressure off of it.

Shizuo, dressed in his priestly robes, had walked over to Izaya and had his hands outstretched towards him but wasn’t touching him. He looked uncertain as he stared down at his fallen friend.

“Are you okay, flea?” Shizuo asked.

Izaya didn’t answer. Instead, he coughed and groaned.

Shizuo looked up at Rubi. His eyes narrowed in a glare. Rubi instantly felt small.

“Do not blame Rubi-kun for any exposure.” Toudai said, quickly. “It was not his fault I witnessed his transformation. I was at the wrong place at the right time.”

Rubi’s eyes widened. **_‘Wait, he saw me transform?’_**

“I do not know what he wrote in his letter,” Toudai continued, “but he is not at fault for this situation.”

“And is Rubi also not at fault for saying our names?” Shizuo growled.

“Theoretically, no. If your friend had not attacked me, Rubi-kun would have not said anything.”

Shizuo glowered.

“Although, I didn’t hear him say your name in particular.”

“Ugh, oh my Christ…” Izaya rolled over on the bed, holding his crotch with one hand while rubbing his wrist over his eyes.

“Watch your language.” Shizuo hissed.

“It’s been over 40 years since the last time I was hit there…”

“You’ll be okay.”

Izaya moved his arm and glared at the priest. “Okay, Shizu-chan, let’s hit you in the scrotums and see how fast you recover.”

“…No, thank you.”

“Then shut up!”

Toudai looked up at Rubi. “I’m assuming these are your packmates.”

“Um, well, yeah, kinda. It’s…complicated.”

“I can see that.” Toudai looked over at the headless woman in a billowing black spaghetti dress with a black wrap around her shoulder blades and over his biceps who stood by the door.

Rubi looked at her as well. “I don’t know who she is.”

“Oh, that’s right.” Izaya rolled over on his back to look up at the ceiling. “You’ve never met courier-san before.”

“She’ll be getting us out of here without anyone seeing us.” Shizuo said. “She’s a friend of mine.”

Izaya exhaled heavily before forcing himself to sit up. He pushed off the bed and stood.

“Rubi, let’s go.” Shizuo walked over.

The blond priest reached for Rubi. However, Toudai took a step back, dragging the white-haired man with him. Shizuo’s eyes narrowed.

“I mean no offense,” Toudai stated. “But the last holy men that came through these doors wished for Rubi-kun’s death. Might I ask why a werewolf is parading around as a priest?”

“I’m not ‘parading’ around.” Shizuo said with growing disdain. “I’m ordained. I’m a professional hunter of the church.”

“Professional hunter? Are you not a werewolf?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“You betray your own kind. How can I trust you with Rubi-kun’s safety?”

Shizuo’s hands clenched.

“Um, Toudai,” Rubi looked down at the brunette. “It’s really complicated.”

“Is that your answer to everything?” Toudai glowered up at him.

Rubi jolted to such animosity from the kind doctor. “…Um, well, it’s not wrong. I mean, you’re completely human. You wouldn’t understand—”

“I do not think it is a hard concept to understand that a man joined the very system that professionally kills people just like him.”

“How about,” Shizuo growled, grabbing Rubi’s bicep. “It’s none of your business!”

“It is my business!” Toudai held Rubi’s arm tight. “I will not relinquish Rubi-kun’s safety to a man who might betray him!”

“T-Toudai,” Rubi started, “Shizuo is the alpha to my pack. In-in retrospect, him being part of the church actually helps our pack, since he can sabotage hunts without suspicions put on him.”

“At the expense of killing the occasional monster, else he would be considered an incompetent hunter.”

“I kill those that deserve it.” Shizuo growled. “There are many monsters in this world that relish in the suffering of others. Those type of villains need to be removed from this earth.”

Toudai glowered.

“Besides, once again, that’s none of your business. I’m Rubi’s alpha, he has to respect my authority and it’s not like you two will ever meet again.”

Toudai’s expression shifted in a way that confused Rubi. His gaze filled with realization, then disappointment. Rubi couldn’t understand that look. However, it didn’t remain as Toudai looked at the ground.

“I assume that is true.” Toudai let Rubi go. He looked up at Shizuo. “However, I do not wish for Rubi-kun’s demise.”

“Shouldn’t you worry about yourself?” Izaya walked up to Toudai, getting uncomfortably close to his face with a grin on his lips. “Our plan was to knock you unconscious, take Rubi and leave without a trace. You would never even see our faces. However, thanks to your act of violence, you got to see all our faces and heard our names. We can’t take the risk of you exposing us.”

“He won’t expose us!” Rubi said quickly. “He…he hid me from the priests that were hunting me and stitched up my wounds! If he was going to expose me, he would have done it when the priests were searching for me!”

Izaya looked over his shoulder with a malicious smile. “And what will keep that from changing in the future? If the priests realize his deception, they’ll come back for him and force the truth out of him. Men of God have very little restraint when it comes to torture since it’s all in God’s name.”

“They won’t come back. They said they wouldn’t come back.”

“Maybe you are willing to take that risk, but we’re not.” Izaya looked at the priest. “Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo stared at Izaya, then at Toudai. Toudai took on a droll expression as he stared at the alpha.

“I will not beg for my life.” Toudai stated. “However, I recommend you reconsider. Everyone in the town knows I housed Rubi-kun before he ‘disappeared’. If I were to show up dead the next morning, they would only assume it was Rubi-kun—thus deeming Rubi-kun as the monster the priests were hunting. With that in mind, you would need to genocide this entire town and kill the priests who were hunting him for this to all go away.”

Shizuo didn’t respond. He just stared Toudai down. The doctor held eye contact with him, maintaining that bored expression. Shizuo tugged Rubi to the side. The white wolf hissed as his wounds spasmed. He quickly sat down on the bed to take the strain off his injuries. Shizuo walked up to Toudai. Neither the alpha nor doctor broke eye contact. Rubi prickled with nervousness.

Shizuo’s hand came out to grab Toudai’s neck. The doctor’s eyes stretched wide as he tried to back away. Shizuo didn’t allow him. He had a firm grip on the human’s frail throat. The brunette grabbed Shizuo’s hands, eyes narrowing in a glare.

“W-wait, Shizu—” Rubi started, however, Izaya stepped in front of him to block his way.

He looked up at the black-clad man. Izaya looked over his shoulder and just smiled as he put a finger to his lips. Rubi lied on his side to see past the raven.

Neither Shizuo nor Toudai moved. The doctor tried to pull Shizuo’s hand away, but in a battle of strength he obviously lost. All he could do was glare. Shizuo did nothing more than hold him by his throat, squeezing just enough that Toudai had to huff to breathe.

Shizuo stared at him. For a long time, nothing happened. The room was eerily quiet as the two stared off.

“Can you say you died with no regrets?” Shizuo asked.

Toudai was quiet for a moment longer. “Personally, probably, yes. I’ve lived a relatively full life and was loved dearly. However, as a doctor, no. I am good at my career, and my death may lead to the death of others. As conceited as that might sound, it is my truth, and such a thing goes against my vows. But if I were to think selfishly, I can die in peace.”

Shizuo didn’t respond. Instead, his grip tightened on Toudai’s throat. Toudai’s eyes widened and he gasped. He then clenched his teeth as he pulled on Shizuo’s hand again. He couldn’t remove the priest and so fell quiet. Rubi’s brows furrowed as guilt and brewing grief began to take form in his chest. He glanced to the side.

**_‘I’ve only known him for a day. I don’t need to be sad. We don’t know if he’s as honest as he says.’_ **

Toudai’s let out a noise that sounded like a strained gasp. Rubi closed his eyes tight shut and turned his head away.

**_‘If Shizuo thinks this is for the best, then it’s for the best. We can’t take the risk…’_ **

Rubi opened his eyes slightly to look at the doctor one last time. Toudai’s eyes fluttered shut. His mouth gaped, letting out small noises that sometimes sounds like groans and other times sounded like gasps. His legs gave away so that Shizuo was holding him suspended by his throat.

And with that, Shizuo released him. Rubi stared up at his alpha wide-eyed. Toudai gasped loudly as he fell to his knees, falling away into heavy coughs. He rubbed his throat as a trail of saliva drizzled from his mouth.

“You’re an honest man.” Shizuo said. “They say people wear masks in front of everyone they know and only remove that mask when alone or in the face of death. I had to know if you were a man of your word or a natural deceiver.”

Toudai gasped between words. “I mean…that’s…one way…to prove…my honor…” Toudai chuckled dryly. “Although…I think there…are less…painful…ways to…do that…” 

Shizuo didn’t respond to him. Instead, he turned around. “We’re leaving.”

The priest turned to Rubi and tugged the white wolf to his feet. He put his arm under the injured blonde’s arm. Rubi put his arm around Shizuo’s neck. The two headed to the door.

Toudai coughed and cleared his throat. “Take care of yourself, Rubi-kun.”

Rubi looked over his shoulder at the man. He felt a torrent of guilt for leaving this kind-hearted doctor in such a cruel way. However, he didn’t have time to say anything before the headless woman enshrouded them in shadows. Rubi’s feet left the ground, along with Izaya’s, Shizuo’s and the woman’s. They drifted away out of the clinic window and into the night.

* * *

Rubi unwrapped the bandages from his leg. He looked at the arrow holes in his leg, which were barely more than a scar. Seven days had passed since his departure from Kurashi Toudaimoto’s clinic, so the stitches had dissolved, and the wound was mostly closed.

 _“The doctor who did these stitches is quite skilled.”_ Shinra had said when he had looked over his wounds. _“I don’t need to do anything.”_

 ** _‘Kind and competent. I wish I had said good-bye. I should have thanked him properly.’_** Rubi’s brows furrowed.

“Hey.”

Rubi looked up at Roppi, who stood leaning against the mouth of his ‘bedroom’—which was nothing more than a cavern pod in their cave. His eyes were narrowed in a natural glower and a frown was planted on his face. It was his usual expression, so Rubi took no offense to the gaze.

“You hungry?” The brunette asked.

“Ah, yeah. Do we need to go hunting?” Rubi stood, grabbing his pants and pulling them on.

“Not yet. We have enough beef to last us another few days.”

“Okay.”

Roppi and Rubi went to the main cavern, heading to the fire.

“How are your wounds?” Roppi asked.

“Almost gone completely.”

“That’s good.”

The two fell into an awkward silence as Roppi sat by the fire. Rubi decided to go to the icebox. It was no more than a giant hole in the floor filled with ice and insulated with straw to keep it from melting, but it did the job right to keep the food cool despite the hot summer hours, so it might as well be an icebox. He moved the pelt that acted as the cover for this hole and grabbed a slab of meat.

He returned to the raven, giving the fire a wide girth. He put the meat on their clean cutting board and began slicing it up. The two had a general agreement that Roppi would make the fire and keep it alive while Rubi would prepare the food. Rubi didn’t like fire. He was terrified of it and wanted nothing to do with it. But unfortunately, it was needed, especially when they lived in a cave at the top of the mountain.

As he cut, Rubi found his mind wandering to the peculiar doctor in a far-off town.

**_‘I wonder if that was the town Ryu tried to rob? It’s the closest one over the mountain, isn’t it? The next closest is the port city and I don’t think Ryu would be stupid enough to bully them. Was Toudaimoto not part of the town when that happened? He would be terrified of werewolves if that were the case.’_ **

Rubi’s eyes narrowed as he grabbed the pan closest to him. He then grabbed the jar of concentrated grease. He took a spoonful and put it in the pan. After which, he put the meats slices in as well. He then handed it to Roppi. The brunette took it and put it on the stand over the fire.

Rubi cleaned the cutting board off then turned. However, he stayed where he was, far away from the fire, and just watched Roppi cook.

**_‘It was nine years ago. Maybe he moved to that town. Or maybe that’s not the town I was thinking of…Or maybe, he’s just weird. That’s always possible. But he seemed really normal, so there has to be a reason he is the way he is.’_ **

Rubi glowered and closed his eyes tight shut.

**_‘I need to stop thinking about him. We’re never going to meet again, like Shizuo said, so it’s not like it matters. He’ll just be a distant memory.’_**

* * *

Rubi might as well had never thought such a thing. He tried over and over to tell himself to forget, but he just couldn’t shake it. He hadn’t left on the greatest of terms, after all. He hadn’t even said good-bye. At the very least, Rubi had to give proper ‘thank you’.

Which is what led Rubi to returning to that river. One month later, he told Roppi he wanted to go check something and left for his five-day journey over the mountain. Once down, he made his way through the woods until he found the gorge that nearly claimed his life. He found that crossing Toudai mentioned, a bridge across the gorge, and spent the next three hours trudging down the landscape with the full moon lighting his way.

Paranoia clawed at him as he walked. He was in his wolf form—since that was the quickest way to travel—and he couldn’t shake the fear that the priests were still in the area. He knew they probably weren’t. It’s been a month, after all, so they had no doubt moved on. But still, this forest held bad memories for him, and those memories made his heart pound in his ears.

Eventually, he came across the patch of woods next to the river, the exact spot he had pulled himself out a month ago. With that, he stayed close to the river and continued down the way. He figured, from the direction Celty, the headless woman—Rubi made proper introductions with her once they reached Izaya’s manor—had taken them before, that the town had to be downriver from where he was saved.

He walked for another twenty minutes before he came to a stop at the sight of something peculiar. Before him on the riverbank was a bundle of neatly folded clothes and a dimmed lantern. Nothing awe-inspiring about them. A brown button-up and beige pants and a towel. However, on top was a white haori with red diamonds on the sleeves and a blood-red hood.

The hood and haori he recognized.

**_‘Why—’_ **

Something splashed in the water. Rubi jolted and rushed into the trees, crouching low to be hidden in the tall underbrush. He wasn’t well hidden, but at least the dark foliage of the trees were casting shadows on his bright fur.

He stared at the riverbed. His eyes widened to see the very person he came to see. Kurashi Toudaimoto sat in the water, swimming slowly towards the riverbank.

**_‘What is he doing? Swimming on a full moon. Is he doing some kind of ritual bath?’_ **

The raven walked out of the river, water cascading off his very obvious male physique. Now there was no contesting this feminine-faced person was indeed a man. Rubi felt his face heat up as he cast his gaze to the side. Toudai stepped onto the riverbank, grabbing the towel. He dried himself off and put his clothes on.

**_‘Maybe he’s a wiccan? That would explain why he’s so open-minded about werewolves.’_ **

Toudai let out a content sigh as he picked up his lantern. He turned the fire up in the glass-and-metal container and raised it up high. He walked towards the trees.

Rubi decided it was time to show himself. He stood up and stepped forward to be casted under the moonlight.

Toudai’s eyes stretched wide as he let out a scream of fright, jumping back and dropping the lantern. The glass shattered, the oil scattered across the grass and the fire followed right behind it. The sight of a sudden inferno made Rubi yelp in terror and jump back. He backed off into the trees and hunkered low, pelt raised to be twice his size. He was ready to run without a moment’s pause.

The doctor gasped before stomping on the fire. He quickly trampled the flames until they were extinguished completely. Once done, he let out a breath of relief.

“Sorry, doggy.” Toudai said, stepping back. “Big wolf. Scared the shit out of me.”

He chuckled nervously. Rubi stayed where he was, shaking like a leaf. His heart was beating in his chest from sheer terror.

Toudai smiled softly. “It’s okay, wolfie. The fire’s gone. See?”

Toudai kicked the dirt over the dead flame in emphasis. He then looked down at the lantern.

“Ah, but now I don’t have a light source. It’s going to be hard to get through the woods on my own.”

Toudai looked up at him. Rubi felt his fear abating with each passing second, especially with this beautiful man’s soothing voice washing over him.

“You’re a werewolf, right? You’re the second one I’ve met. He was a white wolf too.”

Toudai took a step back. Rubi inhaled deeply and exhaled heavily. He controlled his shaking until it was no more. His pelt lied flat against his body, however his tail was still puffed.

“Now, I mean, if you are a werewolf, that means you can understand me, right? That’s what I understand from what the last werewolf told me. You’re not some carnal beast that tears through anything that it touches. With that being the case, let’s be civil. I have no intention of telling anyone I met you. I’ll probably get in trouble if it came to light I was swimming in the river on the full moon, so your silence buys my silence. So, how about, you go your way and I go my way, and we don’t go the same way, okay?”

Rubi stared up at him. He pushed himself to his feet and took a step towards Toudai. Toudai took a step back.

“Really, please don’t chase me. I don’t want to get my clothes wet.”

Rubi chuckled, coming out as a soft huff of air through his nose. **_‘That’s his concern?’_**

Rubi let out a small yip, a pitiful noise to try and sound nonthreatening. He then knelt the front half of his body down while his hindquarters were hiked in the air. He pressed his chest to the dirt to look playful and—again—nonthreatening.

Toudai chuckled. “Are you trying to look cute? Because it’s working.”

Rubi nodded.

Toudai smiled. “You know, I’m more of a cat person but I’ve always had a soft spot for big dogs.”

Rubi inched forward, paw by paw. He crawled over until he was less than a foot away from the kind doctor. Toudai looked nervous, it was obvious despite his smile, as he kept his arms close to his body. Rubi continued towards Toudai until he was only a few inches away. The brunette moved one foot back only.

“Can I touch you?”

Rubi nodded.

“You’re not going to bite my hand off, are you?”

Rubi shook his head.

He still smiled nervously as he raised his hand hesitantly. He slowly reached out. Rubi didn’t move. Cautiously, Toudai touched the thin fur atop Rubi’s head.

“Waah, it’s so soft.” Toudai smiled genuinely.

Rubi wanted to smile as well, but he knew that would look like a snarl, so he didn’t. Instead, he stood. Toudai jolted and tugged his hand back to his body. Rubi walked backwards until he was a decent distance away. He avoided the shattered lantern so as not to get glass in his paws. He then leaned down and put his paws on the strap of his duffle—Shizuo had been kind enough to get him a new one after he lost the other. He tugged it off, shook out his fur, and took another hop back.

From there, he pictured his human form in his mind. His bones shrunk in his body, the fur fell off his body in clumps, his organs shifted. He clenched his teeth in pain, desperate not to frighten Toudai, but ultimately couldn’t hold it and let out a yelp. The height of his pain passed and then it was over. Rubi, as a human, sat on all four, naked and panting heavily.

“…That looked quite painful.” Toudai started. “Are all werewolf transformations like that?”

“Yeah…” Rubi panted. He leaned back and sat on his feet, looking up at Toudai. “Always.”

Toudai’s eyes widened. “Oh, it’s the same werewolf. Here I thought I was lucky to meet two white wolves.”

Rubi chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint.”

The blond reached over and grabbed his duffle. He opened it and pulled out his clothes. He went about putting them on.

“Why does that hurt?” Toudai asked. “Isn’t it a natural transformation?”

“It is, but we’re going from twice our size to half our size. The bones and the organs have to become smaller and bigger. It’s going to hurt.”

“Does your transformation cause strain to your injuries?”

“Ah, yeah, they can. But my injuries are all healed except for my missing nails. It’ll take another month or two to grow back.”

Toudai nodded. His brows furrowed. Then it softened with slight confusion.

“Why did you come back?” The doctor stared at Rubi. “This was a risk for you, wasn’t it?”

“…I, um…” Rubi glanced to the side. He grabbed a shovel from the bag. “I didn’t get to thank you properly. For helping me and for stitching my wounds. You were very kind and understanding and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. And, I wanted to say good-bye.”

Toudai’s eyes widened. Then his expression furrowed with a held-back laugh. His couldn’t hold it in for long at all and let out a mighty laugh. He covered his mouth and turned away, his whole form shaking with his contained laughter.

Rubi’s eyes stretched wide. “Wh-what?!”

“You came all the way back here after a month just to say good-bye?” Toudai rubbed the tears from his eyes, smiling down at Rubi. “Ahaha, you’re surprisingly pure, aren’t you? You’re so simplistic.”

Rubi blushed, glowering at the doctor. He let out a “Hmph!” and went about digging a hole. Toudai chuckled.

“What are you doing?” Toudai sauntered over.

“Burying my fur and claws. This much is too suspicious. An experienced hunter would know that it’s a werewolf’s.”

“Oh.” Toudai bent forward, putting his hands on his knees. “You think I can borrow that shovel when you’re done?”

“What for?”

“To dig up the glass. I can’t leave it there. Children play in this river.”

“Okay.” Rubi looked up at him. “Is that why you were bathing this late at night? For privacy?”

Toudai stared at him. He then smiled softly. “No, it’s a different reason.”

“And that is?”

Toudai let out a soft chuckle as he sat upright. “It has to do with my childhood. It’s personal.”

“Are you a wiccan?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“…Okay.”

Rubi finished burying his clippings. He held the shovel to Toudai. The doctor took it, said “thank you” and went over to his broken lantern.

“Are you scared of fire, Rubi-kun?” Toudai asked.

“…Yeah.”

“What happened? You don’t have any burn scars.”

“You don’t need to be burnt to have a fear of fire.”

“Yes, but there’s a difference between being scared of fire and not liking fire. People naturally don’t like fire because it will burn, but being scared of fire usually is because they’ve had a bad experience with fire.”

Rubi eyes widened. **_‘How did that—that’s way too observant! What is he, Orihara Izaya?!’_**

“So, what happened?” Toudai asked.

Rubi’s brows furrowed. Then he smirked. “It has to do with my childhood. It’s personal.”

Toudai was quiet for a _long_ moment. “…Touché.”

Rubi chuckled.

“I’ll share if you share.” The doctor looked over his shoulder at him.

Rubi smiled. But then he glanced to the side. “I don’t think either of us need to. We won’t meet again after this.”

Toudai paused. “So, you came all this way just to say good-bye, so we never have to meet again? Could you not move on? Needed closure or something?”

Rubi jolted. Toudai’s voice was laced with annoyance. He wasn’t expecting that response to a ‘thank you’ and ‘good-bye’.

“N-no, no!” Rubi stuttered. “I mean, I wanted to meet you to express my gratitude! I—”

“If that were the case, I think it would have been better if you just stayed gone.”

Rubi felt hurt by that. His brows furrowed. Toudai finished gathering his glass, having shoved all of it in the bowl of the lantern. He then picked it back up by the handle and turned around. He held the shovel out to Rubi.

“I won’t thank you for the use of your shovel. If you had not scared me, I would not have broken my lantern.” Toudai smiled softly. “I am glad your injuries are healed. I wish you nothing but the best going forward.”

Rubi didn’t want to take the shovel. He felt like this would be the final good-bye if he did. He didn’t fully understand it, but he didn’t want to leave Toudai. This understanding man. The first human who accepted him since he was a child. He didn’t want to lose this. Not yet.

“I…” Rubi glanced down. “I’m sorry. Look, um, is it—would it—can I meet you again?”

Toudai cocked a brow. “I thought you said—”

“I know what I said, but I’d like to, um…I don’t get it, okay? But I’d like to meet you again. I don’t want this to be a final good-bye.” Rubi looked up at him. “Is that okay?”

Toudai’s brows furrowed with confliction and slight confusion. A crooked smile crossed his face.

“This is quite a dangerous affair you wish to start.” Toudai tilted his head. “If either of us get caught, we’re both dead.”

“Then we won’t get caught.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“I’ve spent most of my life traveling the landscape and never getting caught. Before you say it, our first meeting was the first time in nine years I’ve been caught out.”

Toudai chuckled. “All it takes is one time.”

Rubi tried to keep a confident smile, but he could feel it was anything but. “If you don’t want to, then that’s fine. I just…I really want to meet you again.”

Toudai stared at him. Then he tilted his head down as another chuckle escaped his lips. “I must be out of my mind.”

Rubi jolted, his smile growing with happiness to hear his own words thrown back at him. “So, you will—”

“We’ll try it.” Toudai cut him off. “But you and I both reserve the right to end these meetings whenever needed, if they become too dangerous or otherwise.”

Rubi nodded. “Right, right! Of course!”

Toudai smiled, looking a little disappointed—no doubt in himself for his decision. Rubi smiled happily all the same, thankful for this opportunity.

And so, began their secret rendezvous.

Every month, on the full moon, the two would meet up, at the spot in the woods. They decided the full moon because it was easier to travel for Rubi since the moon was his only light source in his wolf form, and Toudai was always out at the river on that night. Again, Rubi didn’t know why. Toudai wouldn’t tell him. But every full moon, he would go out to the river and swim. He claimed it wasn’t a ritual bath, so Rubi had no clue what this monthly tradition was.

However, in the end that didn’t matter. For three months, they met. The first night, they spent all night just talking, sharing their interests with each other, their hobbies and their lifestyles.

Toudai had moved to the town three years after his mentor and cat had passed away. His mentor had passed away but Toudai had remained until his cat—which had been a gift from his mentor—also passed away. Toudai wasn’t able to stay in the home alone, so he decided to move to a town that needed him, that wouldn’t make him feel alone. He did his best as a doctor, to the point that was all he did the last three years. He liked to write in his free time.

Rubi has been living with his biological father and half-brother since he was ten. His father passed away when he was eleven so for the past nine years, Rubi’s been alone with his brother Roppi. He lived in a cave atop a mountain range where no one would bother them. Rubi didn’t really have a life goal other than to live. He liked to read to pass the time since there wasn’t much to do in the mountains.

It seemed that their hobbies were perfect for each other. Rubi loved the read, Toudai loved to write. Because of that, Rubi asked if he could read Toudai’s finished work. The doctor agreed, but he wanted it back after a month, so Rubi had to read it as soon as he got home.

The second meeting, they talked about Toudai’s book. How much Rubi liked it and what he thought could use improvement on it. Rubi wanted a second volume to the story. Toudai left it on a cliffhanger and he wanted more. However, Toudai intended to leave it like that, to have an open ending where there were no additional answers. Rubi pouted to that statement. The two then ended up talking about Toudai’s other books. Rubi wanted to read them all. Toudai had only written three books, and he was currently in the process of his fourth. Toudai had a lot of free time since his small town didn’t need a doctor often. If he wanted to, he could dish out a book every year-and-a-half. That was, of course, not bringing into account any writer’s block, the time it took to come up with a story or editing. Rubi wanted to read them all. Toudai wasn’t so certain about that, since his first book was written when he was 15 and definitely showed his inexperience as a novelist. Rubi didn’t care. He wanted to read it. Toudai would bring them all down for the next meeting.

Third meeting, Toudai was a man of his word and brought the books. The oldest definitely had fragile pages and an even weaker spine. Rubi would definitely have to be careful. However, the two didn’t talk about stories this time. They spent the rest of the night talking about Rubi. Rubi tried to steer the conversation towards about Toudai, but the doctor was adamant about the werewolf being the center of the discussion. About his ambitions, what he wants out of life, what his life goals were. Did he want children? Did he have a good relationship with his parents? Did he have any friends, past or present? A lot of invasive questions that Rubi wasn’t comfortable answering nor okay with telling Toudai about—especially not the truth behind his family. So, he spent a lot of time paraphrasing and withholding information.

By the end of the conversation, Toudai came to a stunning conclusion.

“I think the reason you like meeting up with me so much,” The doctor stated, “Is because I’m the first person who’s accepted you as what you are since you were a child. That acceptance reminds you of your childhood, back when you were ignorant and didn’t know the true evil of the world. Back when you were truly happy with your family and everything was perfect for you. I’m a physical embodiment of what you missed the most.”

Rubi had no idea how to respond to that. However, he couldn’t help but agree.

 ** _‘When he puts it like that, it makes perfect sense.’_** Rubi thought.

Knowing that, Rubi might have been deterred with these meetings. If anything, this was a display of his weakness and not fair to Toudai, who was basically being used to make Rubi feel better. Rubi registered that. He understood that. But he didn’t want to lose this. He gets why he was so desperate to keep Toudai with him, but that acknowledgement didn’t change what he wanted. Especially after getting to know Toudai more, he wanted to be with his even longer.

Which was when Rubi suggested he come more often than just once a month. He couldn’t wait to see Toudai again. He wanted to see him regularly. As often as he could. Toudai shut that down quick.

“Let’s not get overzealous, Rubi-kun. Recall, it’s a five-day journey for you to get here. More than once a month would be strenuous for you and I cannot meet you halfway. I unfortunately don’t have the physical prowess to climb a mountain nor the time to travel for two days.”

“Then what if I stay with you for a few days? On the full moon, I’ll just stay for two or three days then go home.”

“That’s a little dangerous. If anyone were to see you, the town would know I harbored you.”

“Then I won’t let them see me. I’ll just do what we did before.”

“When you were my fugitive?”

“Yeah!”

Toudai didn’t look so certain. Such a look made Rubi doublethink his request. He lost his smile as his chest flooded with anxiety that he was being pushy towards Toudai. That the doctor would get annoyed with him and tell him they can’t meet up permanently.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Rubi stated. “If you don’t want to see me more than a month, that’s fine to. I don’t want to become a bother to you.”

“Are you trying to guilt trip me?” Toudai glowered.

Rubi’s eyes stretched wide. “No! I’m not! I’m being honest! I don’t mean to sound like that! I just…I don’t…I really like you. I want to keep meeting with you. So, I don’t want to do or say anything to make you hate me.”

“You’re surprisingly insecure.” Toudai chuckled as he glanced to the side. “No, I guess it’s not surprising at all. You haven’t had friends since childhood, so of course, you’re worried about losing the only friend you have.”

“I have a friend.” Rubi glowered. “I have my pack and I live with Roppi.”

“Roppi’s your brother. That’s not a friend.”

“Well, Roppi doesn’t know I’m his brother, so he thinks we’re just friends.” Rubi crossed his arms.

Toudai’s brows rose. “He doesn’t know?”

Rubi shook his head. “As far as I know, Ryu never told him, and I know I haven’t.”

“Why haven’t you told him?”

Rubi’s brows furrowed. **_‘If Roppi knew we were brothers, he would think I’m no different than Ryu for sleeping with him.’_**

“I just thought he wouldn’t be happy knowing we were related. I mean, our dad wasn’t a good man, so if he knew I was his brother, he might think I’ll be just as shitty as Ryu.”

**_‘That’s not a lie, technically.’_ **

“…Hm.” Toudai just stared.

Rubi felt uncomfortable under that stare. Whenever the werewolf lied, Toudai always took on this piercing gaze, like he was seeing right through him and his words. He always felt compelled to tell the truth, if only to get the drilling gaze off of him.

Rubi started shifting awkwardly. “I don’t want Roppi to hate me. He’s all I have left. If I lose him, I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t want to be alone again…”

Toudai’s gaze softened, but still no less scrutinizing. Rubi stiffened as realization hit him. Toudai had just accused him of guilt tripping and then he goes and say stuff about not wanting to be alone. That could be taken as a total guilt trip!

“Don’t worry about it.” Rubi said quickly, tilting his head down. “Sorry for bringing it up.”

A silence stretched between them. The quiet might as well be deafening as it made Rubi’s heart thump against his chest with new anxiety.

**_‘I got too ahead of myself. I shouldn’t have said anything. You shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Shouldn’t ask for more when you get a gift. I—’_ **

Toudai leaned forward and bumped heads with the blond. Rubi’s eyes widened as his heart pounded for a new reason, his cheeks warming with the thunderous beat.

“You love to play with fire, don’t you?” Toudai mused.

Rubi cocked a brow, looking up at him. “No. I’m scared of fire, I told you.”

Toudai turned his head as he held back a laugh. “Figuratively, Rubi. It’s an idiom.”

Rubi didn’t know what that was. It must have shown on his face as Toudai tilted his head down to chuckle. “Ah, I need to teach you so many things.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed.

Toudai let out a heavy sigh. “Alright, fine. Keep coming down on the full moon and you can stay the next couple of days with me. Just know, you can’t be seen by the people of the town.”

Rubi jolted in pure shock. Then elation flooded his chest. He was _so **happy**_! He could scream it to the world that he hadn’t screwed this up. That he could continue to see Toudaimoto.

However, he didn’t want to show such a childish side to Toudai. So, he quickly composed himself internally and externally, then calmly looked up at the doctor.

“Okay.” Rubi smiled. “I’m okay with that.”

* * *

On the next full moon, Rubi returned with a skip in his wolfy step. He had told Roppi he would be gone for a few days in addition to his five-day travel. The raven didn’t kick any fuss over it, didn’t even ask him where he was going or what he was doing. Just told him to be careful and be back when he said, else Roppi would assume the worse and come looking for him. Rubi agreed and off he went.

He made it to the river and spotted Toudai’s clothes on the grassy bank. Despite being August, the air was still very warm and comfortable. The doctor probably wouldn’t be able to do this for much longer, but for now it seemed fine. In the next second, the brunette’s head broke the surface and he took a hearty gasp of air. He then looked over.

“Hello, Rubi-kun.”

The white wolf bowed his head in acknowledgement. Rubi then transformed back into his human form while Toudai got out of the water. The doctor spent time drying himself off with his towel. At the same time, Rubi finished transforming. His nails had finally grown back, which made him happy since his claws didn’t hurt with the transformation anymore. The two got dressed at the same time.

“I really liked your books.” Rubi said, standing up and unhooking his shovel from his duffle straps to bury his fur clippings. “I see what you meant by your inexperience coming through. Your first book was way different than your recent.”

“Yeah.”

“It felt like whenever you got an idea, you ran with it and tried to make it fit.”

“You’d be right.” Toudai chuckled. “I really just did what I wanted with that story. I wasn’t worried about writing something good, but just putting something on the paper.”

Rubi nodded. “It really comes through. But it was nice to read. If anything, it was a great comparison to your other stories. To see how you’ve grown as a writer and how far you’ve come.”

“Thank you.” Toudai smiled happily. “That is nice to hear.”

Rubi smiled back. Toudai grabbed the lantern and turned up the fire. He then lifted the lantern with his right and stood on Rubi’s right so the flame was as far away from Rubi as it could be. The white wolf appreciated that.

“Come, let us go, Rubi-kun.” The doctor beamed as he started walking.

Rubi smiled as he rushed to walk by Toudai’s side.

“Hey,” The blond started, “Can I make a selfish request?”

Toudai looked over at him, tilting his head—oh so cutely, in Rubi’s opinion—in curiosity. “Of course.”

“Can you call me ‘Rubi’? Drop the ‘kun’? Werewolves don’t really use honorifics.”

“Oh?” Toudai cocked a brow. “Why is that?”

“Well, honorifics are kind of a human thing. We don’t use Mr. or Mrs. to explain someone’s married. If you have a life mate, your scents will mingle, so others know you’re taken without the names.”

“Hm, that’s quite interesting.”

Rubi smiled.

“Would you be more comfortable if I dropped the honorifics?”

“Yeah, I would.”

Toudai smiled warmly at the blond. He pressed himself against Rubi’s side briefly. It was no more than a playful bump. But such a touch made Rubi’s heart flutter.

“Okay, Rubi.”

The white wolf’s heart threatened to burst out of his chest. He didn’t think the loss of the honorific would make their conversation feel more intimate, but it did. Rubi couldn’t help but grin from ear-to-ear as he followed after the doctor.

* * *

Rubi and Toudai’s days continued on like that. Every full moon, Rubi would spend several days with Toudai, hiding out in his room until nighttime. During the day, anyone is able to walk through the door without question. But once night came, potential patients had to knock, since Toudai may be sleeping and having someone barge in during his slumber would surely frighten and upset him.

So, once night came, Rubi was free to walk around the whole clinic. Luckily, Toudai had an ensuite bathroom to his room, so the wolf didn’t need to worry about needing the chamber pot. But because of that, Toudai had to make breakfast and lunch for Rubi—usually only lunch. Rubi had never had to wake to a schedule and hadn’t used a clock since he was kid. He woke when the sun woke him, and if he didn’t want to wake then, he wouldn’t. So, somedays, Rubi would wake up at five in the morning and other days he would sleep in till noon. It all depended on whether he would be turning into a wolf or not, since he could only transform at night. Which was an interesting topic one evening.

“So long as you’re here, I implore you not to turn into your wolf form.” Toudai stated. “Especially not during the day.”

“I won’t. But just so you know, I can’t transform during the day. We can only do it at night.”

“…Oh. Good to know.”

The two had shared a chuckle.

Toudai didn’t have too many complaints about Rubi’s sleeping schedule. But there was a very obvious problem with using the sun as an alarm: Toudai didn’t have windows in his bedroom. So, on days Rubi wanted to sleep in late, he would sometimes sleep in till three or four in the afternoon. He one time slept in until night, in which Toudai woke him to check if he was sick. Rubi was upset that he slept a whole day away while with Toudai and so he quickly converted his sleeping schedule to match the doctors. When he went to bed, Rubi went to bed. When he woke up, Rubi woke up. They both seemed to be happy with that change.

During the day, Rubi was Toudai’s little fugitive, in which Toudai had to provide him meals. But once night came, Rubi took over making dinner. Luckily, Toudai had a wood burner stove so the blond didn’t have to make nor see the fire to cook dinner. Rubi also cleaned up around the house for Toudai, sweeping the floor, changing the linens on the bed, and general wipe downs around the area. He cleaned the windows and doorknobs come night too.

There relationship continued on like that for another four months. As fall gave away to winter, Toudai stopped taking baths in the river. The river was just too cold to swim in, and the water level had already receded by a good 10 feet. Great things about rivers is they typically don’t free over in winter—depending on how strong the current was. So, the town still had a running water supply. But Toudai wasn’t going to be taking a polar plunge, that was for certain.

Even in the middle of December, Rubi still made the five-day journey and stayed for an additional three. Sometimes he would have to stay later if a storm rolled in, but even if it stormed on the full moon, Rubi was there without question. Cold and covered in snow, but he refused to miss his few days with Toudai, and no weather was going to stop him. Toudai warned against such reckless behavior, but Rubi quelled his fears by explaining werewolves had higher body temperatures than humans so he wouldn’t freeze in normal conditions. 

During those months, Toudai still spent a lot of time talking about Rubi, trying to get the blond to open up. Rubi would admit, he was far more comfortable with the doctor with each passing day. Toudai was just so trusting and charismatic. Rubi felt safe talking to him about anything. However, he still kept his personal past, his affair with Roppi, and how terrible Ryu truly was to himself.

Toudai accepted that. Although, he still pushed Rubi past his comfort zone to talk about himself. And even a bit more.

Such as one particular day on the second month to their new arrangement.

“Rubi, I want to try something.” Toudai stated.

“What?” Rubi looked up.

Immediately, his vision was filled with flames. The blond called out in fear and jolted back, dropping the book he was reading. Toudai held a simple candle in front of him, but to Rubi, it wasn’t so simple. The blond scrambled back across the bed until he was standing on the other side. His heart thundered against his chest while he was clenching the blankets hard enough to make his knuckles white.

“Don’t do that!” Rubi yelled. “That’s not funny!”

“No, it’s not funny.” Toudai stated. “You don’t need to be afraid, Rubi.”

“Bullshit, I don’t need to be afraid! What is wrong with you?”

“I’m trying to help you.”

“That’s not helping!”

“It will. You can’t live your whole life being constricted by this irrational fear.”

“It’s not irrational! They tried to burn us alive! If it weren’t for my mother, I—”

Rubi silenced himself by clenching his teeth. He shook his head to compose himself before he exposed too much then exhaled heavily.

“This isn’t an irrational fear.” Rubi growled. “And what you just did was not okay.”

“Rubi,” Toudai put the candle on the nightstand then leaned forward on the bed. “I’m sorry for upsetting you. I understand now. However, I do not apologize for what I did. My statement stands. You can’t let something like this, your trauma, control you for the rest of your life.”

Toudai sat on the bed, slowly crawling over to him.

“I understand what you experienced was terrifying. It hurt you. Maybe not physically, but indeed mentally. It left terrible scars that you can’t see.”

“What are you—”

“Trauma is a funny thing, Rubi.” The brunette sat on his knees before the blond. His hands touched Rubi’s shirt, holding the fabric close. “It’s something that leaves more of an impression on you than any injury. You get stabbed, the wound will hear, but your fear of people and knives lingers months—even years—afterwards. This is trauma, Rubi.”

Toudai smiled up at him softly.

“You’re wounded, Rubi. You’re traumatized of fire. No doubt, something terrible had happened to you when that boy told his parents you were a werewolf. I’m sure you suffered greatly because of it. You may have never been burnt, but you were left traumatized. And like any wound, if you don’t take care of it—if you ignore it—it’ll become infected and fester.”

“I…I don’t think…how can my trauma fester?” Rubi said with hesitation and confusion. “It-it’s not like being scared of fire will hurt me. If anything, it’ll help me.”

“No, it won’t. How do you intend to survive winter without fire, especially if you live on a mountain? How do you intend to eat anything but grass without fire?”

“I always have someone with me. They’ll make the fire for me.”

“And if you’re alone? If no one’s there to help you?”

“I’ll always have a packmate.”

“Yes, just like you had a packmate the night you were driven into the river.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed.

“The truth of the matter is, you won’t always have someone with you. Your self-sufficient and smart, but if you can’t make fire, you might as well be inept.”

A torrent of emotions bubbled in Rubi’s chest. Anxiety started to fester. His imagination started to run rampant. He started to think of a scenario, in which Rubi woke up one day and Roppi was gone. Left him without an explanation. Just like him mother did.

“I…” Rubi felt his form starting to shake as tears stung his eyes. “But I…I don’t want to be alone…”

Toudai’s smile softened with empathy. “That’s another thing we can discuss, too. But let’s talk about the fire, okay? One step at a time.”

Toudai tugged on Rubi slightly. He coaxed the blond to sit down on the bed.

And thus began a long discussion about how trauma can manifest as depression, desperation, codependency, and even suicidal thoughts. It was then that Rubi realized what therapy was. He had heard of it, but he could only understand it as talking to someone about your strife’s, which didn’t sound nearly as fancy as people made it out to be. Now, Rubi understood what therapy truly was. He understood and with it came another understanding of why Toudai was so willing to let Rubi stay with him. Toudai wanted to help him. He knew from the beginning Rubi had unspoken problems and he wanted to heal Rubi of all his wounds—whether they be physical or emotional.

It was then that Rubi realized how great of a doctor Toudai was. He didn’t have to do such a thing for Rubi. His only ‘obligation’ as a doctor was to heal the arrow holes. He didn’t have to be Rubi’s psychiatrist. He didn’t have to put up with Rubi’s neediness. He could have just left things be, allowed Shizuo’s statement to be true that they would never meet again. But he didn’t. All because he knew Rubi was suffering more than he had let on.

**_‘Toudai truly is kind. Or maybe this is pity. Either or way, it’s appreciated.’_ **

The two spent the next three days like that, with Toudai giving Rubi therapy sessions. Their meetups after that weren’t focused around the therapy; the two enjoyed each other’s company and they wanted to continue to have normal conversations and interactions. But at least two hours on one of the three days Rubi was over, they would have a session. Every time they had these talks, Toudai would have a lantern or a candle on the nightstand close to them, within Rubi’s peripheral. He wasn’t comfortable with that, but at least he wasn’t scared. He could handle a little flame so long as it wasn’t shoved in his face.

Another two months later, Rubi and Toudai have been holding these secret meetups for ten months, six of which entailed Rubi’s nightly stays. With less and less effort, Rubi became increasingly comfortable with Toudai without question. He became more open and more honest. He still withheld his relationship with Roppi, Ryu and Roppi’s past, and his mother, but he was willing to talk about his fears and harsh lifestyle.

In retrospect, Toudai was also kind enough to open up as well. A lot of the times when Rubi pulled away, Toudai would open up about a past experience similar to what he was trying to get Rubi to talk about. However, in comparison, Toudai knew far more about Rubi than Rubi knew about Toudai. The blond didn’t mind though. At least he was learning something about his dear friend.

However, Toudai was still secretive, still closed off. He only shared things when prompted, never when asked by Rubi. The white wolf knew a few stories, but nothing that gave him a concrete visual of who Kurashi Toudaimoto was.

Then Rubi found out Toudai’s greatest secret.

Month eleven, Rubi made it to the river early. He timed the days wrong thanks to the spring solstice**, so it was the day before the full moon and Rubi had nothing but time. He could have easily gone to Toudai and told him, but he was self-conscious of doing so. He was worried Toudai would think Rubi was overzealous and purposely came early to see him.

So, Rubi decided he would wait in the woods until the full moon tonight. He went to the deepest parts of the thicket, keeping a wrap around his head to hide his hair in case someone passed by. He pulled out one of the books Toudai had lent him to pass the time.

Halfway through the afternoon, his reading was interrupted by a blood-curling scream. He jolted and nearly dropped the book. He quickly shoved it into his duffle and stood. He made his way to the noise, coming across three boys. One was on the ground holding his leg while the others were trying to console him. Rubi made sure his hair was properly wrapped with no room for slipping and hid his eyes properly before making himself known.

“What happened?” Rubi asked.

The three kids look up. They looked extremely uncertain but one of them eventually said, “We were climbing trees and he fell.”

Rubi walked over. He knelt down and put his hands on the boy’s leg.

“Ow! Ow!” He screamed.

Rubi ignored him and felt the wound. “It feels like a break.”

“Oh no!” His friends yelled.

“It’s alright.” Rubi said. “The doctor of this town is a very good doctor. He’ll take care of you.”

The boy began to cry. Rubi cocked a brow.

“NO!” The boy yelled. “I don’t want to become a deviant!”

Rubi’s eyes widened.

The wolf knew what that word meant. As suggested by Toudai, Rubi asked Shizuo what was wrong with homosexuality and Sodom and Gomorrah. He learned why it was so ‘depraving’ to be gay and a terrible sin. Shizuo had explained it as ‘Homosexuality, in it of itself, is not wrong. It becomes wrong when you’re in it for the pleasure.’ Izaya and Shizuo truly loved each other and were loyal. They were no different than a married couple. But Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed the sanctity of homosexuality by have no distinguishable affection for the individual they laid with. They had sex and raped and bought people all to feed their own sins. Because of that, homosexuality was brandished as an unholy sin.

The church had been persecuting people for years for loving the same gender. They dubbed them a ‘deviant’ and burnt them at the stake. Even worse so, they would use faggots—short sticks that were barely above a twig—to burn them since they ‘didn’t deserve a proper pyre’.

So, to hear children say such a thing sent a shock through Rubi’s system.

“Deviant?” Rubi voiced. “What do you mean deviant?”

“The town doctor is a deviant!” One of the boys called. “If you get treated by him, you’ll become a deviant too!”

“He seduced the pastor’s son! That’s why we don’t have an official church anymore—because the family was so ashamed, they sent their son away!”

“…If that’s the case,” Rubi started, “Then why hasn’t Toudai been persecuted?”

“Because we don’t have any other doctor! If we lose Toudai, we lose our medicine!”

Rubi couldn’t respond.

The boy on the ground was crying madly now. “I don’t want to get turned into a deviant! I don’t want to be touched by a dirty faggot!”

Rubi’s eyes narrowed in a glare. However, he kept his temper as he inhaled deeply.

“Now, listen,” Rubi said, “I’m pretty sure those are just baseless rumors. I mean, Toudai has worked on many men in the village and they haven’t turned to deviants, right?”

“I…” The boy looked up at him. “I don’t…think so…”

“I’ve been worked on by Toudai as well, and I can assure you, I’m not a deviant.”

“You’re not?!” The boy’s eyes glowed with hope.

“No, I’m not.”

Rubi couldn’t help but feel like he was lying, but he didn’t say anything on that.

The boy’s eyes flooded with fresh tears. “Really? You really mean that?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Thank God!” The boy bowed his head and cupped his hands together in prayer. “Thank God!”

Rubi clenched his teeth, but he kept his mouth shut so they wouldn’t see. After some coaxing, the blond managed to get the boy in his arms and the party of four made their way to town. Rubi kept his hood about him as he walked in from the woods. He tried his best not to let anyone see him, but he was certain people did as he rounded the corner of Toudai’s clinic. One of the boys opened the door. Toudai was at his desk, scrawling through some papers.

“Hello, boys. What’s…” Toudai fell silent when he saw the hooded man. A strained smile immediately crossed his face.

**_‘He’s pissed.’_ **

Rubi smiled nervously. “This kid broke his leg in the woods. Can you help him, doc?”

Toudai’s smile never changed as he said, “Of course. Bring him over here.”

The two made their way to the closest bed. Rubi put the boy down. The blond stood upright and took a few steps back.

“Boys,” Toudai turned to the two friends, “Will one of you go tell his parents what happened and that he is here.”

“Um, yeah.”

One of the kids rushed out the door.

Toudai smiled up at Rubi.

“Thank you, kind sir.” The doctor said. “If you would mind sticking around, I would like to reward you for your actions.”

**_‘He’s not happy. That is the fakest smile I’ve seen. He is really not happy.’_ **

“Um…sure.” Rubi said.

“You can wait within that room there.” Toudai pointed towards his bedroom. “If you can read, sir, there are books to occupy your time while you wait.”

“Thanks.”

With that, Rubi went into Toudai’s bedroom and waited. For the first twenty minutes, Rubi fidgeted uncomfortably waiting to be scolded. When it became apparent the doctor wouldn’t make quick work of the boy’s injuries, Rubi pulled out his book from his duffle to continue where he left off.

By the time he finished the novel and was on his way to the shelf to return it and grab a new one, Toudai finally came in. Rubi jolted and stopped in his tracks for a moment. He took a step over and put it on the shelf sheepishly. Toudai didn’t saw a word as he closed the door. The doorknob latching sounded much louder than it should.

“Um, um,” Rubi started. “Look, I didn’t mean to come early. I got the days wrong. I thought it would be the full moon last night. I—”

“I do not care that you came early.” Toudai crossed his arms, leaning back against the door. “I care that you exposed yourself to people.”

“I…He broke his leg. I couldn’t leave him.”

“And the reason you sang my praise, making it very obvious we knew each other, and you were not a simple stranger passing through?”

Rubi jolted. “Um! Well…”

The blond trailed off as confliction held him.

_“I don’t want to be touched by a dirty faggot!”_

**_‘Is it true? Is he really gay? Why didn’t he tell me? He knew I was ignorant, so it’s not like I would judge. Besides, who am I to judge when I’m a werewolf? I’m also persecuted by the church, so if anything, we’re brothers in arms, aren’t we?’_ **

“You have nothing to say?” Toudai growled. “You understand that if anyone realizes who you are, you and I are as good as dead. The children may tell their parents about the stranger they met in the woods. The one who was friends with the doctor. What you did was reckless!”

“…I had to.” Rubi looked up at him. “They were all scared. They said you…”

Rubi fell quiet again.

Toudai glowered. “They said what?”

“…They said you were a deviant.”

Toudai fell quiet.

“They said if they went to see you, you would make them a deviant too. So, I had to tell them you were a good, honest man. That you worked on me and I wasn’t a deviant, so—”

“Do you even know what a deviant is?”

“…Yeah, Shizuo explained it to me. The Sodom and Gomorrah thing. I get it now. I mean, people wanting to rape angels is not okay, so…”

“So, you understand why homosexuality is bad.”

“It’s not bad!” Rubi glowered. “Love is love! Gender has never been a deciding factor to that! Lots of animals in this world has gays in their species! My Alpha is gay, there’s whole packs of werewolves who are strictly one gender and only go out on rumspringa’s to continue the species! Homosexuality isn’t bad! It’s just humans who make it bad! Who do it because they don’t love anyone, they just love sex!”

“So, if I were a deviant, you wouldn’t hate me?”

“Of course not!” Rubi stared up at him with conviction, with absolute certainty. “You are kind and sweet. You’re a good man. If you’re gay, it’s because you love men, not because you lust for men. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Toudai was quiet. He said nothing. However, his angry expression soured with emotions Rubi couldn’t fully understand. His brows furrowed and a frown crossed his lips.

Toudai then chuckled as he glanced to the side. “Your simplistic mindset is dangerous.”

Rubi cocked a brow.

“It’s no good to be so accepting of others.”

“Isn’t that hypocritical?” Rubi tilted his head in confusion. “You accepted me, even though I was a werewolf. What’s so wrong about me accepting the gays? Again, my alpha is gay.”

Toudai chuckled. “So, he’s a priest, a werewolf and a deviant. Next you’ll tell me he’s a vampire.”

“Well, vampires and werewolves can’t breed together, as far as we know, so it wouldn’t be possible for Shizuo to be a werewolf and a vampire. But the man who attacked you, Izaya? He’s a vampire and he’s Shizuo’s mate.”

Toudai’s brows furrowed again. He glanced to the side. “I guess being monsters has its own form of freedom.”

Rubi’s expression became laced with hurt. He didn’t like being called a monster. “Is it really so wrong, Toudai? Being gay? You are who you are. If you were in it for the lust, then kids would be easy targets.”

Toudai immediately glared. “As if I would ever lay my hands on a child!”

“Then what’s so wrong with being gay?!”

Toudai clenched his teeth. “You just wouldn’t understand.”

“What wouldn’t I understand? Being killed for the way I am?”

Toudai couldn’t respond. Rubi decided not to say anything. He waited for the doctor to either make another excuse or accept what he said. In the end, Toudai let out a heavy sigh as he looked up at him.

“You’re not scared of me?” Toudai asked. “Not scared that I’ll make a move on you?”

Rubi couldn’t help but smile. “Why would I be scared? If a beauty like you wants to make a move, I’d be ecstatic and flattered.”

Toudai’s eyes stretched wide as a blush crossed his face. Rubi’s own eyes stretched wide at such an expression on the stoic doctor’s face. Toudai put a hand over his mouth to try and hide his flushed cheeks. Rubi found himself smiling like a fool.

“That was adorable.” The blond said. “I never knew you could make such a face.”

“Sh-shut up!” Toudai pulled his hand away to clench his fist by his neck. “Don’t you get smart with me, little wolfman!”

“Oh ho! Who are you calling little? Last I checked, I’m taller than you!”

“You—that—shut up!”

Rubi couldn’t help but chuckle. “You know, I guess that makes us even now.”

Toudai rubbed his face before looking at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you know my greatest secret and I know yours.”

Toudai was quiet. Then he chuckled. “If either of our secrets were to be known, we’d be persecuted by the church without a moment’s pause.”

“Well, at least your useful. From what the kids said, everyone in town knows but they ignore it because they need a doctor.”

“Something like that.” Toudai walked over to sit on the bed. Rubi followed, sitting down next to him. “The town have an inkling, but they don’t have any proof.”

“Even though you seduced that pastor’s son?”

“Is that what the kids said?” Toudai looked up at him.

“Yeah.” Rubi nodded. “Said that’s why there isn’t an official church, because they sent their son away in shame.”

Toudai scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I did no such thing, nor does that make sense. If they sent their son away in shame, they’d have no reason to get rid of the church. There hasn’t been a church in this town since before I got here two years ago. What truly happened, was the pastor’s son came to me for therapy. He was torn between his faith and his love for his dad. He believed they were one and the same, that the only reason he believed in God was because his father shoved it down his throat from a young age. I suggested to him that he find his own path, find his own reason to be faithful. He agreed and thus left.

“The pastor was not happy about that,” Toudai continued, “said I seduced his son to renounce his faith. My clinic was boycotted for a while and the rumor went around that I was a deviant for all the wrong reasons. At that point, I decided to move on. If I couldn’t help anyone here, then there was no reason for me to stay. The next time the merchants came into town, I asked them how much it would cost to rent a mule and wagon. It was surprisingly cheap to do so, however I was only allowed to take the mule 40 miles, since it was the only way to make sure their animal wouldn’t be stolen. I agreed to that. I knew there was a town over the eastern mountains so I could make it across well enough.”

 ** _‘That’s the village in the our territory.’_** Rubi thought.

“The townsfolk became very antsy after that.” Toudai glowered. “They were torn between letting me leave to be rid of their ‘deviant’ or to keep me so they would have a doctor. In the end, the pastor, mayor and myself had a vague agreement that they would ‘keep my secret’, so long as I remained in the town as their doctor. I had a small argument with them, stating that I wasn’t a deviant so there was no secret to keep. It was a lie, I… _do_ feel attraction to men.”

Toudai looked at Rubi with uncertainty. The blond knew that it must have taken a lot of courage to admit that aloud. Rubi just smiled at him. That enticed a smile in return.

“However,” Toudai started anew, “they were calling me a deviant because of the pastor’s son, not because they actually knew I was gay. So, I had all the power in the world to tell them, ‘I don’t have to stay, and you can’t use empty threats to make me’. They changed their tune soon enough. I eventually got an apology from the mayor and was able to lecture the pastor on his behavior. I made it clear that if he loved his son, he should respect his choices and let him find his own path to God. That finding a path through habit is not true faith and that was what his son struggled with. If he had even talked to his son, he would know that, and his son would not have to come to me with his doubt. The pastor hasn’t spoken to me since, but he has recanted his accusations towards me.”

Toudai let out a heavy sigh.

“However, as you can see, the damage is already done. Everyone in this town keeps me at an arms-length and spread hate while my back is turned. They can’t and won’t persecute me, but I am not necessarily welcome.”

“Sounds lonely.” Rubi looked at him. “Isn’t that what you wanted to avoid? Why you came to this town? I think you should just leave.”

“I’ve debated over the years. But an evil I know is better than an evil I don’t. At least here, I know I won’t be put at the stake from an accusation.”

“Well, if you lived with us—” Rubi immediately clamped his hand over his mouth. He had spoken without thinking!

Toudai looked at him wide-eyed. “You wish for me to live in a cave with you?”

“Wel-well, no, that’s not what I was thinking! I was, um!”

**_‘Think fast! Think fast!’_ **

“Well, Izaya loves open-minded individuals who are fearless!” Rubi called quick. “I think he would happily give you sanctuary in his manor as his personal physician!”

“Or his personal blood bag.”

“Oh, no, no, no!” Rubi waved his hands frantically. “Izaya doesn’t drink human blood! He was purified, so he doesn’t have to drink blood anymore!”

Toudai cocked a brow. “Is that even possible?”

“Of course, it is! It’s really complicated though…” Rubi’s voice faltered. But he quickly returned to his boisterous explanation. “But the point is Izaya doesn’t drink blood! He hates blood and hates drinking it! He says it makes him feel like an animal.”

“…Hm.” Toudai looked away from him. “As tempting as that would be, I don’t see a point to being a vampire’s physician. I want to help people and I don’t think I’d be able to do that if I was anyone’s personal doctor.”

“…I guess that’s true.”

Toudai smiled.

“But is helping people really worth it when they might hurt you?” Rubi asked.

Toudai’s eyes widened. He looked up at the blond with that gaze. His eyes then narrowed.

“That is a selfish thing to say.” The doctor stated. “I cannot damn all due to the sins of one.”

“You should always worry about yourself first, though. If you hurt yourself to make someone else better, all you’re doing is killing anything that could be. You’ll become bitter and hateful until all you are is an angry, selfish bastard. You need to take care of yourself first.”

Toudai was quiet for a moment. “…That is true. However, I’m not so blind to my devotion that I would allow myself to get to that point.”

“I hope so. I would hate to see someone as good as you suffer.”

Toudai smiled up at him. He then chuckled and rested his head on Rubi’s shoulder. “You think too highly of me.”

Rubi decided not to answer. He would rather marvel in the soft heat that pressed against his body. **_‘This is nice.’_**

The blond hesitated before he rested his own head on top of Toudai’s.

Neither said anything. Rubi was terrified that if he did, it would break this nice thing that they had. He didn’t know why Toudai said nothing, nor did he know why Toudai was allowing this. But he wasn’t going to question anything aloud.

* * *

The two went to bed early that night, under Toudai’s suggestion. They had dinner, Rubi took a bath, and the two went to sleep.

However, come midnight, Rubi was woken by Toudai moving around. He heard the raven get out of his bed and get dressed.

**_‘What’s he doing?’_ **

Rubi decided not to move. He heard the raven go to his bathroom, return, then go to the door. The door opened softly and closed quietly. Rubi sat up.

**_‘Was he just pretending to sleep until I passed out?’_ **

Rubi heard the front door to the clinic close.

**_‘It’s the full moon tonight. Is he going to the river? It’s only March. The water should still be pretty nippy, right?’_ **

Rubi sat up to look at the door. He felt a small sting of hurt in his chest. **_‘He’s still going to the river even though I’m already here?’_ **

The blond flicked the blanket off and stood. He grabbed his boots by his bed. He had to keep his shoes in the bedroom with him so no one would question whose shoes were at the front door, however Rubi typically didn’t put them on until he left. The blond went to the door, taking a peak into the main room. As he thought, he was alone in the clinic.

That sting to his chest began to fester with abandonment and loneliness. **_‘Why? Why is he so devoted to this ritual bath?’_**

Rubi then went to the back window. In the dark of the forest, he could see a soft glow of orange light. He waited until the light was out of sight before opening the window and hopping out. He brushed the dirt off the bottom of his foot, pulled his sock on, then his boot. He repeated the act for the other foot then was on his way.

**_‘What is so important about this bath? If it’s not a wiccan thing then why is it such a priority? It’s not nearly warm enough to be swimming in a river at midnight!’_ **

He knew exactly where Toudai was going. What’s more, Rubi had walked this path many times in the past, so he knew how to get there without a light source. Even if he didn’t, Rubi had the full moon to light his way, so it was of no consequence.

Rubi made it to the river right as Toudai was stripping. The upsetting emotions that held him disappeared as the blond couldn’t help but blush. He had seen Toudai naked many times now. Nudity had never made Rubi embarrassed. After all, werewolves were always naked in order to transform. He had seen naked men plenty of times in the past.

But for some reason, Rubi felt his face flush as the sight of Toudai’s milky skin. Rubi pressed his back against a tree to look up at the moon.

The werewolf knew why he blushed. He knew exactly why. Now that Rubi was aware Toudai was gay, it was hard to look at him as a simple friend, and not potentially something more. Toudaimoto was something off limits before. He was a stoic, respectable man who wasn’t interested in Rubi as a sexual partner. Shizuo made it very clear that humans did not like gay people, so he assumed Toudai would follow that same convention and be against any advancement from Rubi as more than a friend. But now, Rubi knew there was a chance for him. He knew he could look at Toudai as something more than just platonic affection. As something to love.

That acknowledgement felt wrong. Rubi felt like trying to love someone who was originally a friend was a terrifying gamble. It was disrespectful to Toudai and could easily be the end to their relationship. Rubi didn’t want to tarnish everything. He also didn’t want to be rejected. After all, if they were to start a homosexual relationship, it would add more fuel to the fire of their already dangerous game.

**_‘What am I thinking?’_ **

Rubi slid down the tree to sit down.

**_‘If I ever told him, he would hate me. He would call me a beast.’_ **

He put a hand on the back of his head, tilting his cranium down to touch his knees.

**_‘Everything will end if it’s ever known.’_ **

He let out a heavy sigh.

“My, that is quite the stress you just released.”

Rubi jolted to the voice behind him. He quickly looked over his shoulder to see Toudai, wrapped in his red cloak like a blanket. Rubi could see his bare legs and naked arms. The cloak hid his torso, but Rubi knew he was naked.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Toudai asked.

“Wh-wh—how did you know I was here?” Rubi asked.

“Now that the snow is gone, you’re the only white thing on this entire landscape. I could only assume it was you poking through the trees.”

Rubi couldn’t respond. **_‘Stupid hair.’_**

“Did I wake you up?” Toudai asked. “I tried to be quiet.”

“It’s not your fault. I’ve got heightened senses and I live in a cave, so I always have one ear perked when I sleep, heh.” Rubi tried to smile but he knew it was faulty.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Toudai smiled down at him. “You didn’t have to follow me, you know. You could have gone back to sleep.”

Rubi was quiet for a moment, his smile disappearing. Then he reached out and grabbed the hem of the cloak.

“Toudai,” Rubi started, “Why do you bathe on the full moon?”

The doctor cocked a brow. “I told you it was personal.”

“…If I tell you my personal childhood, then will you tell me?”

Toudai stared. “Are you comfortable talking about it?”

Rubi stared, then he glanced to the side. “Not really, no. But I want to know, so…equal exchange.”

The doctor stared. Then he knelt down. He pushed the cloak between his legs, so he didn’t accidently flash Rubi. They two were now eye level.

“Rubi, what’s wrong?” Toudai asked.

Rubi’s brows furrowed. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“You’re a terrible liar. Always have been.”

“I’ve lied plenty of times.”

“And I knew you lied every time.”

“You never called me out on it.”

“Why should I call you out on it when I know the reason you lied is because you weren’t comfortable saying the truth?”

Rubi couldn’t respond.

“Does me bathing on the full moon upset you that much?”

Rubi clenched his fists. “No.”

“Then what is wrong?”

Rubi tilted his head down. “…It’s nothing.”

“It’s obviously not nothing.”

Rubi clenched his teeth. “I’m scared to tell you.”

Toudai tilted his head. “Why? What do you have to be afraid of?”

“…I’m afraid of losing you. So, can we just drop the subject?”

Toudai was quiet for a moment. Then he let out a sigh. He sat down next to Rubi, making sure to sit on the cloak. He pressed himself to Rubi’s side. The blond could feel his heat, feel his bare flesh against his clothes. The only thing separating skin-on-skin contact was the flimsy red fabric. Rubi felt his cheeks flush as his heartbeat quickened.

“You know, Rubi,” Toudai started, “you are a wonderful man. A little immature, but strong-willed and gentle. However, I think your biggest issue is your lack of confidence.”

Rubi swallowed hard. He clenched his fists tight. Toudai was so close. So very, _very_ close. Rubi could reach out and touch that creamy flesh. Nothing was stopping him other than his own crippling fear.

“We’ve known each other for almost a year now, Rubi. You’ve proven I can trust you and you can trust me.”

Toudai turned to Rubi. His chest pressed against Rubi’s bicep as he looked up at him. Rubi didn’t want to look down. If he looked down, he wasn’t sure if he could hold back telling the truth. He wasn’t sure if he could keep his mouth shut.

“So, trust me.”

Rubi couldn’t resist to look down. Toudai was looking up at him with that beautiful gentle smile that made Rubi’s heart soar.

“You can tell me anything.”

Rubi broke. He knew he would regret it, but he just didn’t want to keep this bundled anymore. It was entirely impulsive, just like this pool of affection that held his heart. It made no sense, that his love changed from platonic friendship to romantic interest. No, maybe he had this feeling for a while, but he buried it. He wanted to treasure Toudai. He wanted to cherish him. But as soon as he knew Toudai was fair game, he went for it like a hungry animal. All this did was show how much of an animal Rubi truly was.

He knew this. He understood it.

But he still did it.

Rubi’s hands reached out to cup Toudai’s cheeks. The doctor jolted. Rubi rushed his face forward and put his lips over Toudai’s.

His eyes stretched wide. Rubi saw those russet orbs stretch huge. The kiss was chaste and clumsy. In his haste, Rubi had missed and gotten the corner of Toudai’s lips. The werewolf corrected his contact until his lips were properly over the doctor’s. He separated quickly enough.

Toudai stared at him wide-eyed. Rubi couldn’t stand that look so he tilted his head down.

“Sorry.” Rubi said, letting his hands slide down Toudai’s body to hold his biceps. “I’m sorry.”

Toudai didn’t respond.

“I know this is wrong. The moment I found out I have a chance, I go for it. I’m sorry.”

Toudai was quiet.

**_‘It’s over.’_ **

Rubi’s hands rested on his lap.

**_‘I knew I would screw this up.’_ **

Rubi clenched his teeth.

**_‘I didn’t want to lose him, but I knew this wouldn’t last forever. I really am needy.’_ **

Rubi felt a bump against his head.

“You’re a natural pessimist too.” Toudai said.

Rubi’s eyes widened.

“Lack of self-confidence and profound pessimism. You also have a deep fear of rejection. I can only assume it’s some kind of abandonment issue.”

Rubi looked up at him until they were making eye contact. Toudai had a calm expression on his face. As soon as the blond looked up, Toudai smiled down at him.

“Again, Rubi, you can trust me. I’m not going to judge you. Who am I to judge?”

“…But…But aren’t you upset? That I went for it as soon as I found out I could get away with it?”

“Why would I? You miss out on every opportunity you don’t take.”

“Yeah, but…person—when it’s another person, you can’t take opportunities with them.”

“No, you can’t _force_ them. That is not the same as an opportunity.”

Rubi went quiet.

“You can kiss me if there is an opportunity. It would turn forceful if I tried to pull away and you pursued. There is a difference, Rubi.” Toudai crossed his arms, glowering. “There’s no need to be so scared. You’re acting like I’m going to scream rape over a little kiss.”

Rubi couldn’t respond. He immediately understood why he was so scared of this. If Heiwajima Kichirou, the old alpha to their pack, had found out Roppi and Rubi were having sex, Rubi would have been the one persecuted—despite Roppi being the one to seduce him. That fear followed him like a phantom, terrifying him to try anything with anyone.

It was that fear that caused him to assume this was the end of their relationship.

“S-so, wait,” Rubi looked up at him, “is-is this okay?”

Toudai chuckled. “For someone scared of fire, you sure like to play with it quite fervently.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed but he smiled all the same.

“I’m a deviant. You’re a werewolf.” Toudai started. “I take bathes on the full moon. Your appearance is considered that of a hell spawn. And now you want to add a homosexual relationship on top of all that.”

Toudai tilted his head down as he giggled. Rubi felt the start of a rejection. He was ready to be crushed. Then Toudai looked up at him. He leaned up and kissed Rubi.

Rubi’s eyes widened. The doctor’s kiss had more experience behind it, pressing his lips a little forcefully against Rubi’s. Not enough to hurt, but enough to apply sweet pressure. Rubi melted to the kiss.

Toudai separated. Rubi’s face was flushed and his eyes hooded.

“If we get caught, we’re both dead.” The doctor said. “Are you okay with burning in hell with me?”

Rubi look at him nervously. Such a question filled him with a pit of fear. This relationship would require no shortage of commitment and even more secrecy.

But Rubi knew what he wanted.

“Yes.” The white wolf said.

* * *

Another four months passed with this newfound relationship. However, nothing really changed. They continued to meet up for the full moon. Toudai continued to swim in the river at midnight. They talked and interacted with each other for days after. The only real change was that Rubi started staying a week instead of three days. And that was it.

The two had been dating the entire summer, but they hadn’t shared their personal childhoods. Rubi still didn’t know why Toudai swam in the river and Toudai didn’t know of the tragedy that befell Rubi as a child. Nor have they had sex. They hadn’t even kissed! The most they had done was hold hands as they walked the forest at night.

That was no shortage Rubi’s fault. He knew that Toudai was relatively closed off. He didn’t talk about himself until prompted. Ergo, Rubi would have to be the one to start the conversation. Rubi knew if he opened up about his childhood, Toudai would too. But it was hard—so very hard—to talk about such a thing. The worse day of his life, the worse months of his life was not something Rubi wanted to talk about. He didn’t want to remember that his mother left him to kill herself. He didn’t want to remember that his loving stepfather died because he bragged to his friends about what he was. He didn’t want to remember.

As for sex, that was still Rubi’s fault. The white wolf was just too nervous to make a move, for multiple reasons. Firstly, was the psychological fear. The fear that if anyone found out, Rubi would be persecuted. That fear was instilled by Kichirou but flourished by the churches conventions.

Then there was the emotional fear. Fear that Toudai wouldn’t like him after they did it. After all, Rubi wasn’t the most experienced. Because of the reason behind his union with Roppi, Rubi was always topping from bottom. Roppi needed to be the one in control, else it wouldn’t have helped anything. It would have just made him think Ryu was on top of him. So, Rubi mostly just laid there and moved when Roppi told him it was okay.

He knew every person liked sex differently and he was worried that Toudai wasn’t as dominant but wanted to be dominated. Rubi just didn’t have the experience nor the confidence to hold someone down and have complete control of that person’s body. He just couldn’t.

Besides that, there was also the fear that Rubi might hurt Toudai. Werewolves are naturally stronger than humans. What if Rubi became lost in the pleasure and broke Toudai’s hips or bit him too hard? Roppi could handle it because he was a werewolf as well. His bones could handle the strength of another werewolf. But a human definitely could not.

Lastly, there was the fear of Rubi over-stepping his bounds. After all, Rubi had done that once before with Roppi and…well…

 _“You don’t get to demand sex from me, Rubi.”_ Roppi had said. _“I’m not doing it with you because I like you, I’m doing it so I can sleep. So, you don’t get to ask jack shit from me.”_

Rubi knew better than to ask for a lay. When Toudai was ready, he’d come to Rubi.

Toudai pulled on his haori. He smiled at Rubi before grabbing the clean towel from the bed. Rubi sat on the bed as well, just watching the doctor move. Rubi usually went with Toudai to the river and tonight was no different. The blond was just waiting for the doctor to gather his stuff so they could go.

“You ready?” Toudai asked.

Rubi nodded.

The two stood and left the bedroom. They went to the back window. They climbed out, Toudai first then Rubi. Toudai closed his window just enough that no one would notice it had been opened but would also allow them to open it from the outside. They then went on their journey.

Neither of them said anything. They couldn’t take the risk of someone hearing them talking through the trees, so they couldn’t have a conversation until they were to the river. At least they could hold hands, which is what Rubi did. He nervously reached his hand out and hooked his fingers around Toudai’s. The raven smiled. He then intertwined his fingers with Rubi’s, so they were holding hands palm to palm.

Once deep enough into the forest, the two began a conversation.

“You know, Rubi,” Toudai stated, “You don’t have to come out with me.”

“I know. I don’t mind. I’m nocturnal anyways.”

Toudai looked up at him. “Are you actually nocturnal or is that just your sleeping schedule?”

“…You know, I don’t really know. Wolves are nocturnal but humans aren’t, so I’m not sure if us werewolves just converted our schedule to match our transformation patterns, or if we’re actually nocturnal.”

“Is it just that you’re ignorant, or no one in your species actually knows?”

“I’m sure Shizuo knows. Kichirou and Izaya would definitely know.”

“How come you don’t?”

“Well, I wasn’t raised in a pack until I was ten and Ryu sure as shit didn’t teach me anything, so everything I know, I figured out myself or Roppi taught me.”

“And Roppi is younger than you.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“Is your background an oddity? Is it weird to not be raised in a pack?”

“As far as I know, yeah. My mom was raised in a pack until she had me. My brother and dad were a pack and Shizuo was raised to be the next alpha of his pack. So, I can only assume I’m the odd man out.”

Toudai cocked a brow. “Why didn’t your mother return to her pack? Or join Ryu’s?”

Rubi didn’t want to respond to that. He squeezed Toudai’s hand a little tighter and glanced to the side.

“Personal?” Toudai pressed against his side.

“…Yeah…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Toudai brought Rubi’s hand up and kissed the werewolf’s knuckles. “I understand.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed in guilt. He tilted his head to touch Toudai’s. Their skulls gave a soft thunk to each other. Toudai chuckled.

Then the doctor stopped in his tracks, forcing Rubi to stop as his arm was jerked back. Toudai smiled up at Rubi. He stepped up to the blond and stood on his tiptoes. His lips were close. Very close. Then they touched Rubi’s. The werewolf’s heart fluttered.

Toudai separated, giving a soft chuckle. “You’re heats beating like crazy from just a kiss.”

Rubi blushed. “I-I’m sorry.”

Toudai smiled. “There’s nothing to apologize for. Although, I want to know something, Rubi.”

“Wh-what?”

“Have you not made a move on me because you’re scared I’ll reject you? Or because you’re too nervous to try something?”

Rubi jolted. “Th-th-that…”

The blond fell quiet as he blushed, glaring at the ground.

Toudai chuckled again. “I get it. Sleeping with a man is new, different, and can be gross. So—”

“N-n-no! No, that’s not it! I’m not…nervous because of that…”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I mean, it’s not like that at all. Really! I…I’ve never slept with a woman before so it’s not like sleeping with a man is the reason I’m unease.”

Toudai was quiet for a moment. Then he smiled up at Rubi. “That’s a relief to hear. Honestly.”

Rubi smiled awkwardly. “I don’t mean to make you upset.”

“No, I’m not upset. I am unease as well.”

“You are?”

“More so over the fact that you’re the one who wanted to start this relationship, yet we haven’t done much of anything more than hold hands. If you’re chaste, I can get that. But I was worried you’d gotten cold feet.”

“No, it’s not…that…” Rubi reached down and grabbed Toudai’s hands. “I just…there’s a lot of things I’m scared of going into this. I don’t plan to back out of this. I really do like you. I just…have a lot holding me back…”

“Then talk to me.” Toudai stepped forward, grabbing the shirt over Rubi’s hips. “We’re in this together now so if you have concerns, then please, share it with me.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed. He felt a flare of annoyance. **_‘Isn’t that a little hypocritical?’_**

Rubi glanced to the side. “I guess…if I’m honest, I’m a little worried about something unrelated.”

“…If you want to start with that you can. What is it?”

Toudai tugged Rubi’s hand. The two started walking again.

“Well, I don’t…” Rubi started, “I’m not trying to criticize you, but well…you know a lot about me, and I don’t know much of anything about you. I’ve asked and you’ll go around the question.”

Toudai’s smile became a little strained. He then glanced to the side as well. “I know. I like my privacy.”

“I get that. I’m not saying anything against it. It’s just that…I feel like I don’t really know you as well as I should since we’re dating.”

Toudai’s smile became crooked. He rested his head against Rubi’s arm. “I’m sorry. I have my own reasons as well.”

“I know.”

Toudai looked up at him. “Let’s trade off then. Ask what you want then me then you then me then you. And we have to be honest.”

Rubi didn’t look so certain about that. He glanced to the side once again.

Toudai let out another chuckle. “If you’re not ready for that, then that’s okay. We don’t have to move fast in a relationship.”

Rubi looked back up at him. “Are you okay with that?”

“Of course.”

“Well, I mean, um…”

 ** _‘It’s been four months…’_** Rubi glanced to the side again. **_‘No, if he wants sex, he’ll ask for it. That’s what Roppi said.’_**

“You’re doing it again.” Toudai bumped Rubi’s arm. “And you say I’m reserved.”

Rubi looked at him. “I’m sorry.”

Toudai chuckled. “It’s alright. I’m just teasing.”

Rubi didn’t fully believe him. He felt like there was a sting of truth behind his words, but he didn’t want to start a confrontation, so he said it was a joke. Rubi was too scared to press the matter. He allotted to keeping quiet instead.

The two continued to the river. They finally made it to the banks, in which Toudai spread away from the werewolf. He immediately began stripping. He put his towel down, then his haori and shirt. His shoes came off along with his socks. He hesitated on his pants.

He looked back at Rubi.

“Rubi, do you want to have sex?”

Rubi’s eyes stretched wide as his cheeks burned. He jolted away in shock.

Toudai looked hurt to that. He let out a soft, monosyllabic chuckle through his nose before turning away.

“Well, I was a bit too passive earlier.” Toudai said. “I should have told you to stay home, but you always come with me, so I didn’t want to change your habits. However, I wish to masturbate.”

Rubi’s ears burned to such a blunt statement.

Toudai took off his pants. He kept his back towards Rubi as he folded his pants and put them down on top of his clothes.

“You may return to the clinic if you wish.” The doctor said.

He then stepped off the grass into the sand.

“W-well, wait!” Rubi started.

Toudai looked over his shoulder.

“If…if you want to do it, then we can.”

Toudai stared. Then his eyes narrowed. “No.”

Rubi jolted. “Wha—but you’re the one who—”

“If we are to have sex, it is because we both want it. If you do not want to, then do not bend to my demands.”

“…But—”

“No buts. We are equals in this relationship. Either both of us want to do it or neither of us will, nor do you have an obligation to satisfy my sexual needs when you’re not in the mood.”

 ** _‘But Roppi said…’_** Rubi’s brows knit as he glowered at the ground.

Toudai let out a sigh that spoke volumes of his disappointment. He then stepped into the water. Rubi looked up.

“T-Toudai, wait…”

The doctor ignored him in favor of going under the water. Rubi glowered.

**_‘But I do want to have sex with him. It’s just…’_ **

Rubi stared at the water. Toudai came up, inhaling deeply. He shook his head to get his bangs out of his face.

“Toudai.” Rubi called.

“Yes?”

“Can I…join you?”

Toudai hesitated. “Do you actually want to, or do you want to fulfill an obligation?”

Rubi glowered. “I want to.”

“Despite never wanting to do it before?” Toudai looked over his shoulder with a glower.

Rubi glared right back. Toudai rolled his eyes as he went back under the water.

**_‘Now he’s just being stubborn.’_ **

Rubi took off his shirt. He dropped it haphazardously on the grass. Toudai came back up as Rubi kicked off his shoes and peeled his socks off. The raven glowered at him still as Rubi took off his pants and underwear. The werewolf walked over. Toudai kept his back towards him as he began rubbing water over his arms.

Rubi stepped into the river. The water was extremely warm, almost like stepping into a nice bath. Rubi knew that it was only because the air was colder than the water, but he wasn’t going to complain. He walked in deeper. The water gave a shock to his body when it touched his scrotums, but he clenched his teeth to keep quiet. The deeper he walked into the water, the colder his feet got.

Soon enough, he stood before Toudai. The doctor was glowering at him still.

“Are you angry with me now?” Rubi glowered back.

“I am not angry. Just annoyed.” Toudai turned away. “It peeves me to see you cave in so easily because I want something.”

Rubi flared to that. “I’m not caving in! Don’t just assume you know what’s going on in my mind!”

“I’m an accomplished phycologist. I am a professional of knowing what’s going on in peoples mind.”

“Well, for once you’re wrong.” Rubi crossed his arms. “You’re not the only one who wants to have sex. I was just waiting for you to say so.”

Toudai looked at him with judgmental question. “Excuse me? You mean to say you held back for four months because you were waiting for me to make the first move?”

“Yes.”

“What kind of corny crap is that?”

Rubi’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean—”

“‘Do you not like me as a man? Why are you holding back? Please deflower me!’” Toudai’s voice was high pitched then it dropped low to be more gravely. “‘I wanted to treasure you, but if you’re so desperate for it, alright then.’”

Rubi’s eyes widened.

“If you want a bitch in heat who begs for your cock then you can find someone else.” Toudai’s eyes narrowed in a hateful glare. “I may be gay, but that does not mean I lack dignity.”

“No, no, no, Toudai!” Rubi reached out and grabbed the doctor’s bicep. “That’s not why I was holding back! I wasn’t waiting for you to ‘beg’ for it, I swear! I just didn’t know if it was okay!”

“We are _dating_! Why _wouldn’t_ it be okay?”

“Because R—the person I lost my virginity to told me so!”

Toudai’s expression immediately softened with confusion. “Explain.”

“…The…I lost my virginity to this one man. I was never penetrated but he was always in control. He didn’t like it when I moved, so I basically just laid there for him. I um, I asked him once if we…could and he told me I wasn’t allowed to demand anything from him. I figured that’s just how it was, so I was waiting for you to say it was okay.”

The annoyance left Toudai’s gaze completely, being replaced with gentle understanding. “How many people have you dated before me?”

“No one, as far as dating goes. I mean, I was having sex with that guy, but we weren’t dating.”

“I’m your first then?”

Rubi nodded.

“And you’ve only slept with that one man?”

Rubi nodded.

Toudai was quiet for a moment. Then he chuckled and rested his head on Rubi’s chest. “I have a lot more to teach you than I thought.”

Rubi just looked down at him. He then kissed the top of Toudai’s head. His wet hair moistened Rubi’s lips.

“How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

“Sixteen.”

“…That explains a lot.”

Rubi wrapped his arms around Toudai’s back, rubbing his hand over the smooth flesh. “I’m sorry I have a lot of issues. I don’t really realize they’re issues until you say they are. But I’ll try better. I promise.”

Toudai looked up at him. He put his hands on the side of Rubi’s face, rubbing his thumb over his cheeks. “You don’t need to apologize, Rubi. Just acknowledging they are problems and wanting to be better is all that I can ask for.”

The raven went on his tiptoes and kissed Rubi.

“We’ll work on them together, just like we have been.”

His hand trailed down Rubi’s arm until it reached his hand, where he intertwined his fingers with the blondes.

“And I’ll do my part as well. I am aware I’m a very reserved person. So, let’s agree: I’ll be more honest with you if you promise not to be secretive with your doubts.”

Rubi didn’t hesitate as he nodded. “Okay.”

Toudai smiled up at him.

Rubi paused before he put his hands around Toudai’s waist, dangerously low on his back.

“So, is this…okay?” Rubi asked.

Toudai let out a soft chuckle. His lips found purchase on Rubi’s collar bone as he gave it a soft kiss. “Of course, it is.”

With permission granted, the two left the river. It was the first time Toudai’s bath was so short. However, the raven insisted on going back to his home if they were going to have sex. He didn’t want either to get sick, be heard by their voices echoing off the water, nor take the chance that someone stumbled across them. Besides, if they were at the clinic then they could go to sleep right afterwards.

Rubi wasn’t going to argue. The two dried off and went back home. Once within the sanctuary of the clinic, Toudai attached himself to Rubi’s mouth. The werewolf and doctor shared a fiery kiss, holding each other close. Toudai walked backwards towards the bedroom while Rubi’s hands roamed his body.

They stumbled across the clinic until they reached the bedroom door, in which Toudai was practically slammed against the wood. Rubi took their stationary position to put his hand over Toudai’s crotch, gripping the doctor’s package. Toudai finally broke the kiss as he tilted his head back. He went on his tiptoes to the sensation. Such a response was so liberating to Rubi, He had always wanted to give pleasure to and touch his partner, but Roppi had deprived him of that—not that he wanted to pleasure his half-brother, but whatever partner he had he was expecting to make them feel good and all those expectations were stripped from him by Roppi.

Rubi rubbed his hand up and down the already hard lump, using the curve of his thumb and index finger to squeeze the length. Toudai released a sweet moan, panting heavily. Rubi’s mouth found purchase on the side of Toudai’s neck.

The doctor chuckled. “So, this is where all your self-confidence was hiding.”

Rubi couldn’t help but chuckle too. He pulled his mouth away to breath on Toudai’s neck. “I guess so.”

Toudai shuddered, letting out a breathy exhale. Rubi smiled. He then grabbed the hem of Toudai’s pants and tugged. The pants were loose enough that they slipped right off his hips without the need to unbutton them. They slid down Toudai’s thighs with ease, however, Toudai caught them with one hand. With the other, he searched for the door handle until he found it. He twisted the knob and the two went inside.

Toudai used his body to close the door, pressing his back against it once again but now on the other side. He went to push off but was refused by Rubi. The blond grabbed Toudai’s hips and forced them against the door. He went down on his knees before the doctor. Toudai let his pants go, the fabric sliding down to his ankles. His erection was protruding from his underwear. Rubi pulled those down too. The member flopped out, tapping against Rubi’s forehead. That earned a laugh from the two of them.

Rubi leaned up and pressed his tongue against the under-vein. Toudai jolted and tilted his head back. His hands immediately found purchase in Rubi’s hair while his knees closed.

“Heh,” Toudai chuckled, “That’s a new sensation.”

Rubi looked up at him with question. “Wait, are you a virgin too?”

Toudai chuckled again as he shook his head. “No, I’m not. Just never had a partner who was willing to do such a thing for me. Usually it’s the other way around.”

Rubi’s felt a twang of pain from such a statement. But at the same time, that made him extremely happy.

**_‘I got one of his firsts.’_ **

Rubi wanted to fulfill that thought. He wanted to officially claim Toudai’s first oral sex. Rubi tilted his head and drew his tongue up and down the member, lathering it up thoroughly. Then he put his mouth over the tip. Toudai moaned through clenched teeth, brows furrowed and face flushed with pleasure. Rubi lowered his head as far down as he could before his gag reflexes were triggered. He wasn’t sure if his mouth was big, Toudai’s cock was small, or Rubi’s gag reflex wasn’t as prominent, but he got down over half the length before it became an issue.

He pulled his head back and forth, up and down the member with as much vigor as he could muster. He curled his lips over his teeth so as not to scrap Toudai’s cock. He held the raven’s hips with his hands. Saliva built in his mouth, however he wasn’t able to swallow it because of the cock. The blond decided not to worry about cleanliness as his bottom lip became coated in liquids and a trail of saliva went down his chin.

Up, down, up, down, Rubi sucked the member greedily. He felt a bead of saltiness on his tongue. He registered it was pre-cum. Such an acknowledgement made him happy. He didn’t think he was doing a very good job but Toudai’s body said otherwise. The doctor’s expression softened as his eyes closed and he started panting.

“Ru-Rubi,” Toudai moaned, “Sti-stimulate the back as well.”

Rubi looked up at him.

Toudai looked down at him. “There is lubricant in the drawer by the bed. We can move this—”

Rubi didn’t the doctor finish. He stood up, hooking his arms under Toudai’s bare rump. The doctor gasped as his feet left the ground. His shoes kept his pants and underwear from falling to the floor so Toudai had to bend his feet back instead of wrapping them around Rubi’s waist. That was fine. Toudai was light and Rubi was strong, so it wasn’t like he needed to hug Rubi to take the strain off the blond. He wrapped his arms around Rubi’s neck at least.

Rubi turned around and walked to the bed. He lied Toudai on the bed gently, Toudai reaching back to catch himself as well. The blond wiped his mouth on his sleeve before he reached into the nightstand. There was an obvious pouch in it, the only thing there. He grabbed it and opened it. There was a cloth bundled up on top of the items inside. He lifted that out.

He paused at the sight. There was a HigoZuiki adult toy in the pouch, under a jar of lube. He looked up at Toudai.

“What?” Toudai glowered, in the process of untying his shoes so he could strip.

“…Nothing.”

Rubi grabbed the lube and lifted it out. He put the pouch back in the nightstand while resting the jar on top. He popped the jar open, greeted with the scent of watermelon. Rubi dipped his index and middle finger in to the second knuckles. When he returned to the doctor, the raven had stripped off his bottom half and was working on unbuttoning his shirt.

“Are you alright with bottoming?” Rubi asked.

Toudai looked up at him. “Wait, did I have a choice of the role I played?”

Rubi cocked a brow. “Well, I mean, if we’re equal in a relationship then I can only assume you’d want to mount me. Your older too, so…”

Toudai just stared for a moment. “That never crossed my mind. I’ve never played the dominant role.”

“...Do you want to?” Rubi was a little nervous to be offering his ass, but he was willing if it was for Toudai.

Toudai paused to think. He then smiled. “No, it’s okay. I would rather we both enjoy ourselves. We can experiment later if you so want, but let’s have our first union be one we’re both comfortable with.”

Rubi smiled. “Okay.”

Rubi knelt down in front of Toudai. The raven lied back, hanging the end of his rump over the edge of the mattress. Toudai’s most sensitive areas were exposed to Rubi. The blond blushed and felt a flurry of carnal excitement.

Rubi shifted closer. The blonde’s tongue pressed against Toudai’s member again. At the same time, his fingers encircled Toudai’s pink, hairless hole, rubbing lube over it.

 ** _‘How does he manage to shave down here?’_** Rubi found himself wondering.

“How long are your nails?” Toudai asked.

“Not very.”

“Okay, good. Don’t cut me up please.”

“I won’t.”

With that said, Rubi folded all of his fingers except for his middle finger and pushed it in.

“Hm!” Toudai arched.

**_‘He’s so soft.’_ **

The raven’s insides gave little resistance. Rubi was able to burrow his finger all the way on the first thrust. The muscles were tight, but they weren’t trying to force him out. Rubi thrust his finger in and out with general ease. He pushed in his index finger next. Still no resistance.

 ** _‘How often does he play with this?’_** Rubi found himself wondering but decided not to question aloud.

Instead, he thought about his own hard cock that was tenting his pants. He wanted this tight heat to be around his member. He wanted it to hug him tight and squeeze every bit of milk out of him. He would try his hardest not to let his impatience get the better of him. He continued to stretch the entrance as he reached down with his other hand, undoing the button to free his erection.

It wasn’t good enough, so he paused his ministration to Toudai. He stripped his shirt off, not bothering to unbutton it and instead just pulled it over his head. He kicked off his shoulder and pushed his pants and underwear down. As he did that, Toudai threw off his haori and shirt. Their clothes were lost to the floor.

Both men completely naked, the two climbed onto the bed. Toudai aligned himself with the mattress properly while Rubi climbed over the raven. They kissed. Toudai entangled one hand in Rubi’s hair while the other wrapped around his neck. Rubi’s hand propped himself up, so he didn’t crush his lover. The other, however, reached back down to Toudai’s entrance. With little hesitation, his shoved in three fingers.

“Hm!” Toudai moaned against Rubi’s lips.

Rubi’s tongue found its way into Toudai’s mouth. The raven allowed access, twirling and pressing his tongue around Rubi’s. The blonde’s inexperience showed as Toudai took the lead with the kiss. Rubi immediately felt like he was being devoured instead of devouring. He didn’t mind that at all. His face became hot from the simple fervor of Toudai’s mouth.

All the while, Rubi’s fingers probed Toudai’s insides. He spread his three fingers apart, stretching the entrance wide. The muscles gave to him without question.

**_‘He really is experienced. He knows what he’s doing, and his body is used to this…Well, he does have that toy.’_ **

Toudai broke the kiss with a turn of his head. A moan escaped him. He tilted his head down, his expression softening with pleasure. His eyes then opened to look up at Rubi.

The doctor chuckled. “You-you know, for-for someone who was told to be a dead-lay, you seem to know exactly what you’re doing. Start-starting to think I might have been bamboozled.”

Rubi tilted his head in confusion. “Bambooz—wait, you think I lied about my experience?”

“It was a joke.” Toudai tapped Rubi’s lips with his index. “Just an observation.”

Rubi stared. Then he reached his tongue out and licked Toudai’s finger. The raven closed one eye to the sensation.

“I always wanted to do this.” Rubi said. “I always wanted to touch my partner and make them feel good.”

“So, you’re just living your wildest fantasy?”

“Yeah.”

Toudai’s brows furrowed. “No offense, but that’s just sad, that this type of sex—this love-making—is what you call your wildest fantasy.”

That hurt. Rubi would admit that. His brows furrowed to show that pain, but he kept his smile in place. “I know.”

Toudai smiled softly. He propped himself up on his elbow, raising himself slightly to kiss the blonde’s forehead.

“You can put it in now, Rubi.” The doctor said, bumping foreheads with him. “Let me see this wild fantasy.”

Rubi felt a lump of excitement get stuck in his throat. It made his throat dry and he had to swallow hard. Those russet orbs stared at him with adoration and a gentleness Rubi hadn’t seen since he was a child. They looked at him and only him. Providing him their undivided attention. He was the center of Toudai’s world right now and Rubi only wanted more.

The blond pulled his fingers out. He reached over to the jar of lubricant and dipped his fingers in it again. He brought the fluids to his cock. He rubbed the lubricant over his hard cock, lathering every inch of it. Toudai stared at it. His gaze bore down at it like it was a hungry meal ready to be devoured.

“Are all werewolves that big?” Toudai asked.

“Huh?” Rubi tilted his head.

“No, I didn’t want to bring it up. But you are quite…well-endowered. I just started to question if it was you, or your genes.”

“Oh. Um, well…” Rubi looked down at himself. Then he looked at Toudai’s. “I mean, I think so? I haven’t seen many other erect werewolf dicks, but the one I have seen was only a little smaller than mine, but definitely bigger than yours.”

**_‘But that might also be because we’re related. Ryu was pretty big too but that might have been because Roppi was so small…’_ **

Guilt passed over Rubi’s eyes. However, he didn’t want that to ruin the mood, so he quickly shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. He opened his eyes to see Toudai looking up at him with obvious confusion. Rubi leaned down and kissed him.

The blond separated. He then pressed his hips against Toudai’s, with the full intention to penetrate the doctor. However, his cock didn’t align. He was rubbing the underside of the doctor’s scrotums. He reached down and pointed his cock down, but still couldn’t align himself. Now he was just rubbing the perineum and over the entrance.

Toudai turned his head and kissed Rubi’s temple. “You need to push my legs back. I’m not a woman so you can’t just spread my legs and penetrate me.”

Rubi blushed with embarrassment. “O-oh. I thought, er…”

Toudai smiled at him. “I assumed you wouldn’t know since you only ever penetrated from the bottom.”

“…Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

Toudai grabbed his own legs, right under his knees and pulled them back towards his chest. With his legs hiked back, Toudai’s entrance was fully exposed to the blond. Rubi’s heart thudded to the alluring sight.

Rubi pulled his hips back. He hooked his arms under Toudai’s knees, coaxing the doctor to move his arms. He hugged Rubi with his legs, adjusting himself so his rump was more raised and his legs were higher up to be on Rubi’s biceps. The werewolf rested his hands on the bed by Toudai’s waist, which forced Toudai’s lower back to lift off the bed. His cock was pressed against the doctor’s entrance.

Toudai reached down between his legs and gripped Rubi’s cock. The blond jolted and inhaled sharply. He exhaled in pleasure as he tilted his head down. Toudai smiled to that. He then looked down. He pressed the tip of Rubi’s cock to his entrance.

With little pause, Rubi pushed his hips forward to burrow his cock into the doctor. Toudai closed his eyes tight shut and pursed his lips.

“Mm! Hm!” The raven tilted his head back.

The cockhead pushed in with relative ease, being engulfed with that tight, hot heat. Rubi exhaled again.

“Are you okay?” Rubi asked. “Does it hurt?”

“No, I’m okay.” Toudai moved his hand away, resting it on his stomach. “I’m okay.”

“You sure? I don’t think I spent a lot of time preparing you. I know you said—”

“Shoosh, my dear.” Toudai smiled up at him lovingly as he placed his hands on Rubi’s cheeks. “I am no maiden nor virgin. You won’t be able to hurt me easily.”

Rubi hesitated before smiling back. He nodded.

“Just go slow, okay? I haven’t had something that long inside since I was quite young so—uh…” Toudai fell quiet as his eyes widened in realization.

Rubi’s eyes also widened. “Wait, wha—”

“Nope.” Toudai put his hand over the blonde’s mouth, holding him softly with Rubi’s nose in the crook of his thumb and index so he could breath. “Nope, nope, nope. We won’t talk about that now. Less it ruin the mood.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed to that. **_‘He’s still being reserved.’_**

“I’ll tell you later. After. I promise. But I don’t want my erection to wilt nor do I think you do either.”

Rubi couldn’t argue with that.

“Let us enjoy ourselves for now. Make love to me, Rubi. Let the past wait so we may make a pleasant memory together.”

The blond hesitated. He really wanted to know what Toudai meant. If Toudai had been molested as a child, then was this really okay? Roppi had so many issues before. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stand being around other people and hated everything. It took him so long to finally get over it and be some celibacy of happy. How was Toudai okay with being in such a vulnerable position? Was he just agreeing to this because Rubi wanted to have sex? How could he smile up at Rubi so confidently?

“Rubi, you’re thinking about unnecessary things.” Toudai kept his hand in place while his other drew circles on Rubi’s chest. “If you don’t start moving, I may need to ask Mr. HigoZuiki to take your place.”

Rubi glowered at that. That statement felt a little insulting, but he couldn’t say anything about it.

Instead, he decided to do as Toudai asked.

Rubi slowly pushed his cock in more. Toudai’s expression softened with pleasure as he looked down at the spot where they were connected. The muscles hugged Rubi tightly, squeezing his cock. It felt so incredibly good. Centimeter by centimeter, Rubi pushed inside that tight passage. Toudai panted softly.

When Rubi was a quarter of the way in, Toudai twitched, his legs tightening around him. At halfway, Toudai half-closed one eye. Rubi kissed the palm of his hand to give him what little support he could. At a third of the way in, Toudai closed his eyes tight shut and clenched his teeth.

“W-wait, pause, Rubi.”

The blond obeyed.

Toudai exhaled, letting his head rest on the pillow. “ _Hah_ , you’re so big and long. Rubi…”

The doctor opened his eyes. He smiled at the blond with barely held confidence.

“It’s going to take my body time to get used to this. We’ll have to practice regularly.”

Rubi’s heart was thudding in his chest. He felt his face heat up under Toudai’s hand as those delicious words lit excitement through his system. His cock twitched rigorously inside the doctor. Toudai’s expression softened again in pleasure. He shuddered hard, clamping down around Rubi. The blond closed his eyes tight shut to the sensation.

Rubi couldn’t contain himself. His hips moved on their own before he thought better of it. Toudai had told him to pause, but Rubi just wanted to thrust. He wanted to start making love to this man.

Rubi pulled his hips back. Toudai twitched to the sensation. His toes curled and he hugged Rubi with his legs. The blond thrust forward. Toudai exhaled, a soft moan leaving him.

“Hah!” Toudai’s eyes closed.

Rubi made sure not to go deeper than Toudai had been comfortable with as he rolled his hips. Back and forth, back and forth, inside and out, Rubi thrust. That lovely, tight heat squeezed him over and over and over. Toudai held Rubi tight with his legs. Small noises escaped him, mostly his panting breath but little moans and whimpers as well. Rubi wasn’t sure if he was keeping quiet because he was scared someone would hear or if he was naturally quiet. It was cute either or way.

Rubi’s own breathing began to labor as his excitement grew and grew. His mouth was becoming sweating from Toudai’s hand. His cheeks were flushed. His brows furrowed with his efforts. The urge to pound the doctor for all he was worth was getting stronger and stronger with each thrust. He wanted to ravish Toudai.

However, he knew he couldn’t. He had to hold back. Toudai’s bones were frail in comparison to Roppi’s, in comparison to werewolves in general. He had to control himself. Expelling such control, along with his excitement, was making his arms shake. Toudai noticed and he smiled to that.

“Hm! Mm!” Toudai moaned then tilted his head back to pant heavily.

The doctor reached down between his legs with his free hand. His fingers wrapped around his own cock—which hadn’t gone limp despite the spike of pain earlier—to start jacking himself slowly.

“You can go faster, Rubi.” Toudai said. “I think you can put the rest in too.”

Rubi shook his head.

Toudai’s brows furrowed. “Why not?”

The doctor removed his hand from Rubi’s mouth.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” The werewolf said.

Toudai glowered for a moment. “I’m not so weak, Rubi. I wouldn’t be bottoming if I wasn’t used to it.”

“I can put it in all the way.” Rubi leaned down, bending his elbows so he could press himself to the doctor. “But I won’t go faster.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Toudai glowered. “Rubi—”

“Werewolves are really strong,” Rubi stopped thrusting his hips. “Strong enough to capsize trees with little effort. From how it was explained to me—the different between a werewolf and a human’s strength—is humans can squeeze an apple with all their might and only dent it, whereas I can crush it in one hand with ease. Like if you were to crush a grape, I can crush an apple.”

“…Oh.” Toudai’s eyes widened, nodding curtly. “…I didn’t know that.”

Rubi chuckled. “Yeah.”

“I figured you’d be strong in your wolf form. But I didn’t think that transferred to your human form.”

“Why wouldn’t it?” Rubi cocked a brow.

“Well, I mean, muscle compacity versus strength output. A human’s bite strength is 162 pounds while a wolf’s is 400 pounds. If a human tried to put that much strength into a bite, they might break their jaw. So, it seems a little weird that you’re that strong.”

“Oh.” Rubi nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. Werewolf children go through a lot of breaks and pain until our bones mature.”

Toudai cocked his head.

“Tell you later.” Rubi kissed Toudai’s check. “We’re getting off topic.”

Toudai chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Toudai kissed Rubi’s cheek back. The two then turned their heads so their lips could meet. Rubi could feel his sweat smear on Toudai’s dry face, so he quickly broke the kiss. He grabbed the blanket edge and rubbed the sweat away. He then kissed Toudai again.

With lips attached to each other, Rubi began thrusting his hips once again.

“Hm!” Toudai moaned.

Rubi burrowed himself to the hilt, the heat of his pelvis meeting the heat of Toudai’s ass. The raven wrapped his arms around Rubi’s neck, holding him tightly. He couldn’t wrap his legs since Rubi was pinning his legs outwards, but he tucked them down to hook his feet against Rubi’s waist—to keep them from flailing about. Rubi gripped the blanket tightly.

Rubi’s hips rolled leisurely forwards and backwards. The blond used a little bit of strength with every thrust, so their skin slapped together. Toudai’s breath hitched with it. He jolted slightly with each thrust. His legs started to tremble while his grip on Rubi tightened. 

The raven turned his head to break the kiss once again.

“Rubi, can you go just a _little_ faster?” Toudai whined.

“No.”

“Please? I don’t think I can cum like this.”

Rubi glowered. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” Toudai smiled. “I’m built tough, heh. And I’m sure you have plenty of self-control if you weren’t allowed to move while someone rode you.”

Rubi wanted to argue but he couldn’t. He was right, after all.

Rubi let out a soft sigh of defeat. “If it starts hurting—if it feels like I’m bruising you—tell me immediately.”

“I will.” Toudai put his hands on Rubi’s cheeks. “I will.”

Toudai kissed him again.

With the two in agreement, Rubi began thrusting faster.

“Hm! Mm!” Toudai broke the kiss again. “Hah, uh!”

The jolts to Toudai’s body came quicker now, giving very little time for Toudai to settle before he was pushed again. Rubi exhaled in pleasure. Going faster only felt better. Toudai’s muscles were still tight around him. They squeezed him with delicious heat and that pressure slid down every inch of his cock with each thrust.

Theirs lips still brushed against each other. Their tongues reached out to lick each other. Their breathes berated each other.

Rubi’s hips build up a rhythm, thrusting into Toudai over and over again. The mattress creaked. The headboard smacked against the wall repeatedly. The blond felt the coil of orgasm build under his stomach. It felt so incredibly good. Toudai’s body was so heavenly. So tight. So hot. His moans were growing wanton and his smell was surrounding Rubi. Oh, how good he smelt. His sweat, his breath, even the mingling scent of river water was delicious to Rubi’s senses. There was just nothing wrong with Toudai.

“Uh, hunh! Hah!” Toudai tilted his head back. “Oh, Ru-Rubi! Har-harder! Just a little harder!”

“Only a little.” Rubi growled in his ear.

He wouldn’t argue with Toudai anymore. He wanted to feel good just as much as Toudai did. Rubi’s hips moved just a tad harder. His hips battered Toudai’s ass, followed with the delicious slap of skin over and over and over again. Toudai jolted with every thrust. His voice rose as his eyes closed.

“Ah! Ahn! Hanh!”

Rubi licked the underside of Toudai’s chin, drawing his tongue down towards his Adam’s Apple. A part of Rubi was driving towards his own orgasm. A very big part of him. He wanted Toudai to feel good, without question. But he didn’t know if he would last long enough for Toudai to cum.

“Can I bite you?” Rubi asked.

“Ah, y-yeah!” Toudai moaned. “Ju-just not where anyone can see!”

Rubi’s eyes dilated. With permission granted, Rubi bared his teeth and bore them into the doctor’s shoulders.

“AH! AHN!” Toudai’s eyes stretched wide as he clamped down on Rubi in pain.

He buried his nails into Rubi’s back, dragging them down across the blonde’s shoulders blades. That spark of pain did Rubi in. The coil under his stomach gave away, releasing the flood gates of the most powerful orgasm he has ever felt! He slammed into Toudai hard. He barely contained his output of strength by grabbing the blankets just as hard. He heard the fabric tear under his nails but didn’t care.

Toudai jolted and arched. His nails dug in deeper as his eyes stretched wide.

“You-you came!” Toudai called with wanton lust. “You came in-inside!”

Rubi closed his eyes tight shut, huffing hard against the flesh in his mouth. He tasted blood on his tongue and felt prominent guilt to that, but it was at the back of his mind since that white euphoria was all he could think about. His orgasm was still going. His cock twitched rigorously inside Toudai—who was clamping down on him repeatedly and shuddering hard—as it pumped him full of seed. Rubi felt some of his spunk force its way around his cock to seep out and leak against his scrotums.

His orgasm felt so long before it finally ended. He let go of Toudai’s shoulder in favor of catching his breath, panting heavily. He trembled against the doctor. A layer of sweat coated his pale flesh. His hair was even more of a mess than it usually was. His back stung from the cuts.

“Sorry.” Rubi said through panting breathes. “For the bite and cumming too fast.”

Toudai smiled up at him. “It’s alright. You’re young.”

 ** _‘Did he not expect me to last long?’_** Rubi wasn’t sure if he should take offense to that statement.

“Hey,” Toudai reached between them, his hand finding purchase on his own cock. It hadn’t gone limp despite Rubi’s vicious bite. Even more so, it was dripping pre-cum. “Do you think you can keep it hard long enough for me to cum?”

Rubi’s eyes widened as his face flushed with newfound arousal.

“I like to cum with something inside.” Toudai developed a lascivious grin. “And a person is so much warmer than Mr. HigoZuiki.”

Rubi didn’t know how to respond to that. Hearing such a dirty truth was not something he was expecting from the usually dignified doctor. It was surprisingly stimulating and definitely a shock.

Rubi fumbled with his words for a moment before he closed his mouth and just nodded vigorously.

Toudai smiled. He hugged Rubi tightly and tugged himself closer.

“Can you hold my hips?” Toudai asked. “I want it all inside.”

Rubi nodded again. He really couldn’t handle hearing Toudai saying such sexy things right now, so he just blushed and nodded.

The blond sat back on his haunches, tucking his feet under his rump. His shaking hands grabbed Toudai’s waist as gently as he could. He then pulled the doctor closer. He fully sheathed himself inside Toudai, the leaking cum squelching against their skin. Toudai exhaled in pleasure as his gaze softened.

The raven’s eyes closed completely as he started jacking himself.

**_‘Wow, he really is…in front of me, he’s…’_ **

Rubi could only stare. The doctor seemed to be in deep concentration as he pleasured himself before Rubi’s very eyes. His expressions changed constantly. First it was soft with pleasure. Then he bit his bottom lips and furrowed his brows. Next he turned his head and bit the pillow under his head. Finally, he folded his arm over his eyes and started panting. The hand on his cock moved with fervor. His hips moved to ever-so-slightly thrust himself onto Rubi—making it so the blond wasn’t fully sheathed anymore. He hugged Rubi’s ribs with his legs tightly. His feet rubbed up and down the blonde’s back.

Then he started mouthing something. Rubi wasn’t very good at reading lips, so he wasn’t sure what. But as his hand started to go faster and faster, his lips formed whatever word over and over.

Rubi was just too curious. He wanted to know what the raven was saying. So, he grabbed Toudai’s waist and pulled him onto his cock fully again with the intention to lean down to hear. However, his movement made it so he didn’t have to.

“AH!” Toudai jolted as his toes curled. “Mist—nngh!”

**_‘Mist?’_ **

Toudai clenched his teeth to keep himself from finishing whatever word that had been. He then started moaning softly. He squeezed Rubi tighter. He clamped down on Rubi repeatedly. His hand moved faster and faster.

Then he peaked. He finally came. Streams of white flooded over his hand and onto his stomach. A vice grip squeezed Rubi’s cock as Toudai tightened down on him. The blond tilted his head back as he exhaled in pleasure.

Toudai soon fell limp against the mattress, trembling harshly. He was panting heavily. His hands were clenched. His hand was still on his cock. He didn’t seem ready to let it go just yet, especially since his hand was covered in cum. His entrance clamped around Rubi like a pulse now, enticing Rubi to contemplate a round two. The blond decided not to play on that idea and instead pulled his hips back.

Toudai and Rubi shared a moan of disappointment as the blond pulled out completely. His erection had wilted slightly since he hadn’t been gaining any stimulus, so it faintly flopped against his scrotums. Following it was a sizable flush of cum, dribbling down the seam of Toudai’s rump to soak into the blanket.

Toudai took his arm off his eyes, resting it against his chest instead. He looked up at Rubi. He then chuckled.

“I think we may need to take a bath.” The doctor said.

Rubi smiled back. “Yeah.”

* * *

“My mother was a very confident young woman.” Rubi stated, looking up at the bathroom ceiling. “So much so that she left her pack to explore. She wanted to experience the world, from what Ryu told me.”

The two men sat in a tub of warm water. After Toudai found his feet, the raven had heated up some water while Rubi cleaned out the huge wooden basin. The tub was big enough for the both of them easily. Once the water and the bathtub were ready, the two hopped in.

From there, Rubi kept good his promise and began divulging his history. His childhood who he had shared with no one—not even Roppi—was laid bare to Toudaimoto.

“Because she wasn’t part of a pack, she thought she was safe from persecution from other packs, able to pass through their territories without getting attacked.” Rubi said. “Unfortunately, my mother was wrong. She met Hachimenryu, who offered her a place to stay for the night. She accepted and that night, Ryu raped her. That led to me being born.

“From what my stepdad told me,” Rubi continued, “my mother was in a very bad place after that. She was too ashamed to return to her pack, too scared to figure out her next move, and too kind to abort me. She apparently knew the means to do it safely—some kind of plant you can get from witches, I don’t remember what it’s called—but she couldn’t bring herself to kill me in the womb. She knew I didn’t ask for this. She knew it wasn’t fair to damn me for something that wasn’t my fault.

“But she really just didn’t know what she was going to do. Eventually, she asked the local church for help, but they wanted to refuse her. They had no proof that the act was rape and all they truly knew was that she was a pregnant woman out of wedlock. But my stepdad was far more understanding and kind. He offered her aide despite the other priests objecting. That aide blossomed into love, at least the closest thing to love given the situation, and they were married a little after I was born. My stepdad told me all this when I was ten. He wanted to wait till I was older, but I pushed him. I mean, he and I looked nothing alike and he wasn’t a werewolf, so I was an unrelenting little shit. He told me how he and my mom met, ixnaying the fact that I was a child of rape.”

Rubi rubbed his forehead against the back of Toudai’s head. The doctor grabbed Rubi’s hand from the rim of the tub and intertwined his fingers with the blonds to provide comfort. Rubi appreciated that.

“I had a pretty decent childhood until I was ten. I never had much problems with the church despite my appearance. There were some parents who didn’t let me play with their kids because I was a ‘hell spawn’, but a lot of them didn’t dare to even talk to me, let alone tell their children about it. I think they were scared I would curse them if they scorned me or something. Other than that, I had to go through the usual broken bones with werewolf children. That thing you brought up earlier, about the output of strength versus muscle capacity is a thing. As children, anytime we used our strength, it would usually cause a broken bone or demolished muscles. Then it’ll heal and be stronger than before. Heal, break, grow back stronger, repeat until our bodies can handle the strength we can dish out. It really sucked and hurt like hell, but my mother told me it was natural. Besides all that, I had a very happy childhood.

“Things…changed when I was ten though. I had been playing with some friends of mine in the woods and I let it slip that I was a werewolf. I don’t even remember what started the conversation, but I started bragging that I could turn into a wolf at night. They took to it really well. They all said that was ‘so cool’ and ‘awesome’ and they wanted to see it that night. I can only guess that they had asked their parents if they could stay out after dark to see my transformation. Or maybe they blatantly betrayed me. I like to think they were asking permission. I like to think that they really were my friends and didn’t know I was considered a monster.

“But either or way, they told their parents.” Rubi glowered at the water. “And their parents didn’t take it too well at all. My stepdad was already on thin ice because he left the church for a ‘harlot’ and my mother was not welcomed at all since she ‘turned a priest to sin’. On top of that, me and my mom were natural blonds with pink eyes. Finding out there was even potential that we were anything but human was the straw to break the wheel off the loaded cart.”

Rubi’s hand tightened around Toudai’s. He was fully aware his hands were shaking. The blond wrapped his other arm around the doctor’s waist to hug him close.

“They came for us with fire and pitchforks.” Rubi went on, his eyes closed. “They boarded up the windows and doors and set fire to our house. My mother transformed and protected me and my stepdad when the roof caved in. She then took me and ran. She couldn’t take both of us. She could only hold one of us in her mouth. So, she left my stepdad behind and he was skewered by the townspeople. I don’t…”

Rubi clenched his teeth.

“I don’t think she chose to save me because she actually wanted to save me. I think…if she had been given the chance, she would have chosen my stepdad and not me. I think she grabbed me out of maternal instinct and nothing more.”

Toudai turned to look up at Rubi. The blond couldn’t meet his eye. He was worried he would lose his composure if he saw those soft russet orbs. He glanced to the side instead.

Toudai pressed himself close to Rubi, rubbing his head against the underside of his chin. He nuzzled the blond lovingly as he rubbed his chest. Rubi _really_ appreciated that. The blond wrapped his arms around Toudai and hugged him close.

“Everything changed so quickly after that.” Rubi continued, “It was quite a painful change too. Going from a nice soft bed in a warm house with a loving family to a bundle of animal pelts on cold cave floors with my wounded and faltering mother. My mom went to a really bad place. We were being hunted, she was injured, and she was grieving the loss of her husband. I didn’t understand back then, but I understood she was in pain. I tried my best to console her—as much as a ten-year-old could. I tried to make sure she ate and slept even a little bit. She couldn’t sleep long since we had to keep moving, but I did my best to make sure she could sleep.

“Eventually, she cracked. She told me she couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t understand what that meant. I thought she was saying she couldn’t run anymore. We traveled to the Hachimen territory and I met my biological father. The piece of shit, Hachimenryu. I didn’t know he was my dad. He was a stranger as far as I knew. My mom told me to wait outside while she talked to Ryu. They had a long conversation, then my mother came out. She gave me a hug, said she was sorry, but she just couldn’t do it anymore. She told me to behave for Ryu, said I was going to be staying with him from now on. I realize now she said I would, not we would. But back then, I didn’t…”

Rubi pressed his face into Toudai’s hair. He inhaled deeply as emotions built in his chest. He managed to keep the tears down, however, then cleared his throat. It took great effort to even form the words.

“I told her not to stay out too long. We both knew it was going to storm soon so I was just looking out for her. She started crying and just said she was sorry. That was the last time I ever saw her.”

Rubi tilted his head back, exhaling all his stress away.

“I waited for her every day for a month before Ryu told me she wasn’t coming back. That worthless piece of shit was a vile, cruel, disgusting bastard of a man. He told me she abandoned me to kill myself. I didn’t have any evidence to say otherwise, so for all I know that is what happened. Ryu was stuck with me. He made it very clear that I was not a welcomed guest in his shitty cave. I was nothing but a burden that he couldn’t get rid of since I was a Hachimen. For a year, he kept making snide, vague comments about the identity of my birth father. Saying he _might_ know but really who was to say and other stupid shit like that. A month before he got himself skewered to death, he bragged about what he did to my mother and how he made me.”

Rubi clenched his teeth as his eyes narrowed in a glare of hate.

“If I could have killed him, I would have. If I had the chance again, I would gladly murder him with my own hands. I’m glad he’s dead. The worlds a better place without him and he sure as shit didn’t go to heaven. I hope he’s suffering in hell as we speak.”

Rubi couldn’t help the hatred that boiled over. He had never hated anyone more than that bastard he unfortunately had to call his father. There was just no redeeming quality to him at all. Not only did he brag about raping Rubi’s mother, but he had no qualms sexually abusing his own eight-year-old son, Roppi, as well. For years, Roppi suffered at that bastard’s hands and he certainly got what he deserved in the end.

However, Rubi decided not to explain the truth behind Ryu’s death. He didn’t want to expose the past of his brother, Roppi. He knew it wasn’t his story to tell, even if it intertwined with his own. So, Rubi decided to lie and say that it was the town that killed him, instead of Roppi—at the tender age of nine and having reached his sanities end with Ryu’s abuse.

“And you know the rest after that.” Rubi stated. “The Heiwajima pack came to scold Ryu for exposing werewolves like that and ended up taking me and Roppi in.” Rubi hugged Toudai tight as he rested his head on the raven’s uninjured shoulder. “I honestly didn’t know I had so many problems until I met you. I knew I had a fear of fire, but I didn’t think I had abandonment issues or fear of rejection.”

“Well, of course you would have thought that. The only person who could tell you otherwise was your brother, who was younger than you. There was no one there to give you proper help. I wish the alpha of the Heiwajima pack had taken you two in fully, instead of leaving two children to guard the Hachimen territory.”

“It’s just how the packs are. We’ve been guarding those territories for generations. Besides, Roppi pushed for it. Kichirou was against it, but Roppi would hear none of it.”

“I get that. But Roppi was nine. Any stable-minded adult would not be persuaded by a child that young. It still infuriates me that an adult would let an eleven and nine-year-old live in a cave in the mountains alone. Anything could have happened to you two and no one would have been there to help you.”

“But nothing did, so it’s okay.”

“No, Rubi…” Toudai glowered up at him, his voice speaking volumes that Rubi was missing the point.

“I get what you’re saying. Really I do.” Rubi reached up and caressed Toudai’s cheek. He then kissed his forehead. “But it’s all in the past now, so it’s okay.”

Toudai still glowered. But he didn’t argue. Instead, he rested his head against Rubi’s chest and let out a soft sigh.

“I guess it’s my turn now, huh?” Toudai asked.

“…We-well, yeah. If you’re okay with—”

“I am. I’m okay with it.” Toudai chuckled. “Just, I fear a little.”

Toudai tilted his head down and sat back. He refused to meet Rubi’s eyes as he kept his head low.

“You may not be as attracted to me after you know my dirty past.”

“I doubt that highly.” Rubi bumped his forehead against the top of Toudai’s head. “If you can accept me and all my many flaws, then I can accept you without question.”

Toudai didn’t answer. Instead he chuckled.

He then looked up at Rubi with that gentle smile he always had.

“Let’s get out.” Toudai said. “We’ve soaked long enough. I’ll tell you in the bedroom.”

 ** _‘He’s stalling.’_** Rubi registered but decided not to say aloud.

“Okay.” The blond said instead.

The two stood and dried off. Toudai announced that he’d take care of the bathwater in the morning but for now, he just wanted to go to bed. Rubi agreed with that statement. Once dried, they walked out of the restroom—stark naked—and went into the bedroom. Toudai went to his closet and pulled out a clean sheet and blanket. Rubi went about stripping the bed of its tattered remains.

“Wow, you really weren’t kidding about that strength.” Toudai jested. “You tore the blanket and sheet just from grabbing it.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright. It happens.”

With the bed bare, Toudai put the sheet across it, then the blanket. The two climbed into bed. Rubi didn’t dim the light just yet. He wanted to be able to see Toudai’s expressions in case he needed a hug.

Toudai let out a heavy sigh as his head hit the pillow. He lied on his stomach looking at Rubi, who lied on his side to look at Toudai. For a while, the room was quiet. Toudai would open his mouth then close it repeatedly and glance to the side. His hands clenched against the pillow and sheets. Rubi said nothing. He did nothing. He decided to give Toudai all the time he needed to get comfortable with the obviously harsh subject.

“You know, your childhood makes so much sense with all the issues you’ve displayed.” Toudai stated. “It was obvious from the beginning you were clingy with abandonment issues but now that I know that you were actually abandoned, a lot of things make so much more sense.”

“Toudai.”

“I’m just saying, so many things became clear after hearing your past. And the fact that you were only ten, it’s no wonder you have deep, psychological imprints.”

“Toudaimoto.”

The doctor fell quiet. He glanced to the side and let out a heavy sigh. “I know. I know…”

Silence befell them again. But eventually, Toudai was ready to share his tale as well.

“So, my beginning starts before my birth as well. My grandfather had written in his will that if he passed before his daughter and best friend got married, then his best friend would marry his daughter. He passed, the two were married and my mother became pregnant with me. Then my father got cold feet. He most-likely only married her out of obligation to a dying man. After all, he was in his forties and still unmarried, so he probably had no intention to marry anyone. My mother was only seventeen when they were wed, and he had been there her whole life so I’m sure that had a part to play as well. Mayhaps he felt dirty for impregnating the child that he had looked at as a niece until just recently, and he couldn’t live with himself even if it was for the sake of a dying friend.

“But, either or way, my father disappeared into the night. He stole her wedding band, most-likely to sell it as I said before, and left while she was sleeping without so much as a note. My mother went to the church for aide and they rejected her, since she had no proof that she had been married. Pregnant and alone, my mother went to the town, hoping to find anyone that would help her.”

Toudai chuckled dryly as he glanced to the side.

“There, she made it to an okiya***. Usually, okiya’s are run by women, but this one was run by a man and it was kind of a secret okiya. It was mostly a hotel or inn, and at night you could ‘order’ for one of the chamber maidens to attend to you. Master—er, the owner, Yodojiri-san, offered my mother a place to live and to pay for her medical needs and doctor check-ups and she could just pay him back later. Thoroughly indebted, she started working as a ‘chamber maiden’. During the day, she cleaned the rooms, made meals and the sort. Then at night, she would get recommended to certain customers to be their bedmate.

“That’s how I grew up. I wasn’t the only kid in the okiya, so I had plenty of friends to keep me company. But us kids weren’t allowed to go outside. Yodojiri-san said having so many kids around the okiya would be bad for business since it would make them look like a daycare center or something. So, us kids played in the basement a lot since that was the only place we could play. Me and my mom shared a room until night, in which I was sent to my own bedroom. It was a bit weird, now that I think about it. A lot of things were weird and wrong with that place but of course, at the time, I didn’t think much of it.”

Toudai chuckled again as he closed his eyes, a sad smile crossing his face.

“It’s not fair to say that I am gay because I lust for men. It is more accurate to say I am gay because I should have been born a woman.”

Rubi’s eyes widened. Toudai looked up at him with that sad smile, but it quickly changed to be more supportive for Rubi.

“My mother had a thing against men. Being abandoned by her husband and having to service men to pay back her debt, she wasn’t all that happy that I came out a boy. Might I point out that she didn’t have to do the nightly requests. It was within her choice and Yodojiri-san made that point apparent. She could have just paid back her debt as a normal chamber maiden, but she probably wouldn’t have paid it back nearly as fast.

“But anyway,” Toudai continued, “My mother was a woman scorned. So, she wasn’t very happy I was born a boy. So, she raised me as a girl. My name was Todoka. I wore dresses and knickers. My hair was long. My ears were pierced. The holes closed up a long time ago, but you can still see where they were.”

Toudai leaned in close and folded his hair behind his ear. Rubi could see the small indents on his earlobe where three holes used to be. There was also a hole in the upper lobe from a helix clasp.

“My mom would buy me jewelry and doll me up with makeup. I loved it. I didn’t know any different and Mom was really loving. I never knew I wasn’t a girl. It wasn’t until I was about six that I realized I was a boy. I took a bath with one of my female friends and we didn’t have the same parts down there. I asked Yodojiri-san if there was something wrong with me. He told me I was actually a boy and he explained everything that happened to my mom to get us here—my dad and her debt.

“He also told me that I would be working to help pay my mother’s debt. Now, I would like to state that Yodojiri-san wasn’t a terrible man. It was just business. But he gave my mother the option to earn extra money by having me work in the okiya too. Yodojiri-san suggested that I wait until I was eleven or twelve, but my mother said it was fine to start me young. I worked as a proper chamber maiden from six to seven. I just changed people’s sheets and stocked up their bathroom.

“Then when I was seven, my virginity was sold off. I don’t know if you’re aware what a geisha is since you’ve lived in a cave your whole life, but geisha’s will dress up beautifully and do a lovely dance for an audience. The men who liked her performance will then bid for her virginity. Yodojiri’s okiya was very different. There was no dressing up, no performance. I was taken into a room with five men in their thirties or forties. I was told to strip for them, in which I did, and they started bidding. I didn’t understand any of what was going on. I didn’t understand what my mother’s night work was like. But I soon found out after one man won the bid.”

Toudai glanced to the side.

“After I lost my virginity, one of the other men paid a profound amount of money in order to ‘train’ me. I think you heard what I said earlier. I started saying ‘Mister’, but I stopped myself.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed. **_‘Wait, did you get off on your abuse?’_**

“I didn’t know the man’s name. He told me to call him ‘mister’, so I did. Within a few months, I adapted to the change. And then I was ready to start serving customers regularly. With me making money now, my mother stopped her nightly chamber maiden work and worked as a normal chamber maiden. To say our relationship became strained was an understatement. She told me it was okay. I couldn’t get pregnant and I was helping her pay back the debt she accumulated to bring me into the world. I felt guilty after hearing that. I felt obligated to keep working even though I felt so…dirty.

“Eventually, it stopped feeling wrong and started feeling okay. Then it started feeling good. My mom said that was normal, that I would start liking it sooner or later even if I didn’t like it mentally. That was my normal every day’s. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know that it was wrong other than I didn’t like it. I just…I was raised to accept this. So much so, that I would start looking for customers. I would talk to some of the guests that came in and vying for them to buy me that night. At that point, I was okay with it. I was happy to do it, even if it felt gross, because it made my mother happy.

“It wasn’t until I was nine that I realized how wrong my way of living was.” Toudai looked up at Rubi. “A man came to the okiya. He was a doctor of mixed-race. Half-Caucasian, half-Japanese. His name was Damon, but I couldn’t pronounce it right back then, so I just called him Diamond. I attempted to seduce him, and he was absolutely appalled that a nine-year-old would do such a thing. He went on to lecture me about how dangerous that was for my body, that I could get all kinds of STD’s and potentially get pregnant if I developed early. I didn’t know what STD’s were.”

 ** _‘Nor do I.’_** Rubi found himself thinking.

“But I told him not to worry about the pregnancy because I didn’t have the parts to get pregnant. He was even more appalled. If it wasn’t apparent,” Toudai smiled up at Rubi, “He didn’t know what kind of place he had walked into. He talked to Yodojiri-san about it and Yodojiri-san told him that this was the services they provided to their guests. If he didn’t like me, he could ask for an older chamber maiden. If he was absolutely against such a thing, then he could still use the inn as an inn. And if he really disagreed with everything, then he could leave. From what I got out of it, Yodojiri-san had full legal claim to do what he wanted in his okiya. Age laws didn’t mean anything when the children were born within the okiya. He had ownership of us and parental consent so there was nothing a sheriff or a church could do.

“You’d think Diamond would have left, but he didn’t. Instead, he bought me for the night. But he didn’t have sex with me. Instead, he talked to me. Asked me if I was happy. Asked me if I was okay with this kind of lifestyle. Since that was the only way I had ever lived, I of course said yes. He knew that. So, he told me he wanted to show me a different life. He taught me how to read, how to write and how to count. We spent all night with him just teaching me, giving me some intelligence.

“He stayed in the inn for two weeks doing just that. Every night, he would buy me and just teach me. He was so impressed with me. I was a quick study, so I was able to figure things out faster than he expected. He called me a genius. Said I was wasted with this kind of lifestyle. My life had meaning, and I shouldn’t throw it all away for a mother that was okay with selling her children off. I tried to defend my mother, which is where the therapy sessions started. In just the two weeks I met this man, he made it very clear that my mother didn’t care about me. I wasn’t the only underage girl that was working as a night chamber maiden. I was one of three out of the eight girls born in the okiya—there were twelve of us total; the last four were boys. He compared me to the girls who weren’t sold and made me see the error of my mother’s ways.”

Toudai let out a heavy sigh, another sad smile crossing his face.

“I loved my mother. I didn’t want to believe what Diamond was telling me. But he was right. Diamond told me if I wasn’t certain about my mother’s love, then I should test it. Ask her if I could stop selling myself. I did and she laid on the guilt trip hard. Diamond had told me how to recognize a guilt trip and made it very clear that it was nothing more than a manipulation. My mother went off on me, saying that if I didn’t work as a night chamber maiden then she would have to. Did I want her to be in pain? Did I want her to get pregnant with a child in which she wouldn’t know who the father was? I only suffered for a little, whereas she would suffer for eighteen years to come.

“I knew, right then and there, Diamond was right. Diamond treated me with love and care, my mother didn’t. My mother just…didn’t care for me. Even though I tried so hard to please her. I did what she said without question to make her happy and it was all for nothing. I threw away my childhood, my chastity, all for a woman who didn’t love me. It hurt. Realizing that, at the tender age of nine, it hurt a lot. I went to Diamonds room and cried my eyes out in his lap. He consoled me until I fell asleep.”

Toudai rolled over on his back to look up at the ceiling. Not a tear was to be seen. Only that sad smile.

“When I next woke, Diamond asked me if I wanted to leave this place. He said he wanted to take me with him. He wanted to help pave a path for my bright future. He wanted me to grow into a competent and good man. He wanted me to be his son. I accepted. Diamond didn’t have the means to buy me off Yodojiri. That would require paying off my mother’s debt and Diamond didn’t want to bale my mother out to save me. My mother got herself into that mess and she could get herself out of it. I know that’s not really fair. I mean, my mother only fell into debt so she could birth me. She didn’t ask for her husband to leave her or the church to turn her away. But Diamond was adamant that she didn’t deserve aide for allowing a child to take her place in a man’s bed. Besides he didn’t have the money to do so anyway.

“So, Diamond stuffed me in his duffle bag—it was a very big duffle that was at least the length of his torso—and carried me out the door as his luggage. He had two suitcases and the duffle, so he just forced everything to fit in the suitcase and barely covered me up with some of his clothes. He loaded me up on a carriage and we were off. Once we were outside of the town, he let me out of the duffle. The coach driver had quite the shock to see a nine-year-old pop out of a bag, heh. Diamond paid the coach driver off not to say anything, saying that I wasn’t kidnapped but liberated. The coach wanted nothing to do with it, so he dropped us off in the middle of the woods and went back to town. As far as we knew, he didn’t tell anyone since no one came for us, but Diamond made us give haste on our journey through the woods.

“That was the first time I ever touched grass.”

Rubi’s eyes widened.

“I had only ever seen it from the windows, but I had never felt it before. Diamond told me to put on shoes—something I had never worn before since they weren’t needed indoors—but I refused. I wanted to feel the grass, the dirt, the twigs. Diamond understood and let me walk like that through the woods. It was a full moon that night. I never realized the sky was so big. From the window, it didn’t look all that impressive. But seeing such a huge expansion of black over my head, as far as the eye could see and dotted with more stars than I could count. It was all so…crazy for my little mind to process.”

Toudai’s smile finally turned happy as he closed his eyes in reminisce.

“That’s why I bath in the river on the full moon. That night, we came across a lake and the moon was so huge on the water. I had never seen a lake before, didn’t know such a huge body of water could exist, so I thought some of the sky and the moon had fallen to the earth. I wanted to swim in it. I wanted to swim in the moon. I had a basic understanding of swimming since I used to swim in the bathtubs, but Diamond was very worried I would drown. We went in together. He held me close and carried me to the cast of the moon on the water. I was so happy. Diamond no doubt thought it was sad that I was so jovial over swimming in a lake, but he never mentioned it. After that, it became our tradition to swim in a body of water every full moon.

“From that day forward, Diamond became my mentor, my tutor.” Toudai smiled from ear-to-ear. “My father.”

Toudai looked over at Rubi.

“I loved him truly. He was my whole world. Unfortunately, I was very messed up from my time in the okiya. Diamond only tried to help me. He decided it was time I started acting like a boy. He changed my name to a boy’s name, Toudaimoto. Not far off from my original name so I wouldn’t get confused and could adapt to it quickly. I got my hair cut. The piercings were removed. My jewelry and dresses were sold and replaced with pants and button ups. There was nothing he could do for my face, but he was certain I wouldn’t get mistaken for a girl since my appearance would speak for itself. I was sad to see them go, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Diamond was kind enough to give me the money for my sold items. That was a surprise. I’d never had money for myself before, but Diamond made a point that they were my items, so it was my profit.

“Diamond did his best to help me through therapy and a lot of patience. He taught me many things, things that were considered ‘manly’ to try and help my masculine development. It really worked. I learned a lot about gender roles but because of the way I was raised, Diamond had a lot of difficulty trying to explain why some things were masculine and some were feminine. Like why was it strange for women to hunt and men to sow? Saying things like ‘because that’s what men do’ didn’t really work with me. As I grew up and started adapting to societal norms, I was able to understand what was masculine and feminine. But gosh, I gave Diamond so many gray hairs.”

Toudai chuckled. Rubi chuckled too.

“I learned a lot from Diamond.” Toudai went on. “He taught me well. His therapy worked and I became a functional adult. It took a lot for Diamond to get me to that point. As I became a teenager, my trauma became warped with my growing sexual drive. Diamond feared that would happen, but he hoped it wouldn’t. I still had a taste for men and still got pleasure from my trauma. It’s so deeply ingrained in my being that it’s hard for me to enjoy sex unless I think about it. Or more so, I can’t enjoy the sex unless I think about it. Every time I’m within another man’s arm, I’m back in that room with Mister, getting pleasure from him. Even now, I still struggle with it. It’s gotten better. Much better thanks to Diamond, but it was so hard.

“Being gay was controversial enough for me. But if I add my strange fetish with it, it was very hard for me to find someone who would accept me. When I did find someone who I thought I could date, once sex came on the board, I would call him Mister and he would get very uncomfortable. Once it became known, Diamond worked with me on it—without doing some ‘physical therapy’. I’m…ashamed to admit, but there was a time, I thought only Diamond would accept me and for a while I stopped seeing him as my father figure but as a partner. I tried to convince him to sleep with me. Tried to convince him that verbal therapy wasn’t working, that he should physically, sexually rewrite what was done to me.

“He rejected me, which was the right thing to do. Giving into such a thing would have only caused me to develop codependency with him and a very unhealthy relationship. Such a thing would have only helped me in the moment, not in the long run. But, of course, being a young and stupid fourteen-year-old, I took offense to his rejection and thought maybe I lost my cute charm that got me so many customer’s when I was younger. I climbed into Diamond’s bed one night, to try and seduce him once again. He did not take to that well. Thus, started a very long rant of how those men stole everything from me. That they ruined anyone’s chance to truly love me, whether it was paternal or as a lover. They ruined all father figures for me and if I could never get past that, I would never be able to find true love, but a perverse lust where I would be ravished by older pigs who only wanted me for my body.

“As much as it hurt to hear that, it was what I needed. Diamond gave me the world and I was willing to throw that all away for a lay. I took everything Diamond had given me—my education, my freedom, my very life—and I spat all over it. I was—I am—so ashamed of myself and know there’s no way to undo what I had done. Diamond forgave me. He was never angry with me from the beginning. He just wanted what was best for me. He wanted me to be better and seeing me regress made him feel helpless.”

Toudai let out a sigh.

“Together, we worked on it. Diamond eventually came to terms that I would never be able to love a woman. I knew he was disappointed with that. I chose a very harsh love-life to pursue, one that could easily ruin my life and take my life. The reputation and good standings he wanted for me could easily be destroyed if it ever came to light. But he understood that it was just who I was. He truly tried his best to ‘fix’ that. There’s no doubt that my homosexual taste comes from my childhood and trauma, so he wanted to help me. But eventually, he just accepted that it was who I was. It was a part of me that wasn’t going to change. However, he could help me overpass my trauma. To separate my trauma from my fetishes and get me to understand that I should be loved, not lusted over.

“Diamond loved me like a son. And I was able to love him as a father. Because of my sexual orientation, he didn’t want to put me in any dangerous situations—what’s more, he disliked the church because he viewed them as archaic since they always stated science as devil magic if they don’t understand how it works—so we never stayed in a town that had a prominent church in it. We avoided churches like the plague. Once a town stopped accepting us, either because they found out about my sexual orientation or they found out of Diamond’s atheism, we moved on. We were quite nomadic, typically only staying in a town for a year at most.

“There was one town in particular that was worth mentioning. I met a boy there. He was around the same age I was—I was sixteen at the time—and was very open about being gay. He and I started a relationship, my first proper relationship with a man. Diamond was very happy for me. The boy’s father—his mother was out of the picture—was very accepting of us. However, it was at this point that I stopped sleeping with men just to sleep with them. I wanted to be better and so I decided to take my relationships as a maiden would. Don’t start with sex and gradually ease into it. Marriage wasn’t an option for me, but I could wait until I knew we had something more than just a sexual relationship. What’s more, I would stop pursuing men old enough to be my father and go for someone within my age group.

“I was quite proud of myself for coming to those conclusions on my own and Diamond praised me for my maturity. It was around that time that Diamond got me a kitten. I proved I could take care of myself and I always loved cats, so he found it time for me to start taking care of a pet. He said that would also help with my growth, having the responsibility of another living creature’s life and happiness in my hands. It wasn’t anything close to a baby, since animals are far more independent even at a young age, but it was still a lot of responsibility and I was happy to do it.

“But anyway, back to my partner. One night, Diamond and I were invited over to their place for dinner. The conversation was very pleasant. Diamond and his father talked about us boys and how it wasn’t common to find parents who were accepting of their ‘deviant sons’—the father’s words, not Diamonds. While they conversed, my partner tried molesting me under the table.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed.

“He sat next to me and kept reaching for my crotch. I kept pushing him away without saying anything. I didn’t want to embarrass myself nor get him in trouble. He wouldn’t let up, so I ended up standing and moved over to sit by Diamond. I said my chair was uncomfortable to sit in, but Diamond was suspicious since I could have just moved to the chair next to mine. He didn’t question it. My partner was not happy with me. He ended up sitting next to his dad with an obvious glower.

“Then the conversation started to divulge badly. His dad was making inappropriate comments on my feminine beauty and was questioning me on how ‘far I had gone’ with his son—practically demanding the ‘juicy details’. Diamond tried to disengage that line of conversation, but he wouldn’t let up. He even made a comment on Diamond’s slim physique and asked, ‘does the apple not fall far from the tree?’. Yeah, Diamond was not okay with that. He made it very apparent we weren’t having it and left right then and there. The dad seemed quite surprised that we weren’t irreputable sexual deviants. He ended up calling us prudes as we walked out.

“In the following week, he wrote Diamond a strongly worded letter of how Diamond had no reason to be so uptight when I was nothing but a lustful sinner. I was going to burn in hell anyway, so he should allow me to let loose and enjoy myself in all sexual manners. Diamond let me read the letter, then burnt it in front of me and said these were not the kind of people I should ever associate myself with. I agreed and told him why I moved seats at the dinner. He said he figured as much. Told me I could do better than that trashy boy and to never settle for someone less than myself. That night, I wrote my partner a letter stating that I _would not_ be seeing him anymore and _do not_ want to see him anymore.

“Diamond and I decided we would leave the town once winter passed. The snow melted in late February, a few days before my birthday. With the snow cleared, we started packing for our next journey. A week before we left, I was raped.”

Rubi’s eyes stretched wide. **_‘How can he admit that so easily?!’_**

“Diamond and I went shopping for foods that would last us on our travels. I forgot to get apples, so Diamond went on ahead to our clinic while I went back towards the market. At the back of a barn and out of sight of anyone else, I was jumped from behind. A burlap bag was put over my head and I was dragged into an empty stable. I was hit with a blunt object and blacked out. I barely remember anything. I woke up long enough to realize I was being penetrated. I heard him grunting on top of me. He twisted my arm behind my back. Then I fell unconscious again. Diamond, with the sheriff, found me in a state of undress. I, again, woke long enough to hear Diamond’s voice, to feel the bag get pulled off my head then blacked out. From what Diamond told me, the sheriff escorted us home and Diamond took care of my injuries after.

“Once I properly came to, having a slight concussion, the sheriff questioned me on who did such a thing, if I saw my attacker. Since I didn’t see, he said he couldn’t help me. Diamond knew it was my ex-partner but because said partner was the son of the town’s main financial benefactor, the sheriff couldn’t go after the boy without a solid case. I was bruised and sore for a good week after the attack. He had left bitemarks all over my neck and shoulders. Diamond tried to convince the sheriff that he could prove it from the shape of the bruises and bitemarks, but the sheriff stated anyone could have that size of mouth and fist. He didn’t understand that teeth are just as unique to an individual as fingerprints, so no bite will ever match another persons.

“We left once my concussion passed. Midway through our travels, we caught news from a traveling merchant that the son and father perished. It was apparently by a vampire attack, since their bodies had been drained of all blood. However, I was…suspicious. The timing was just…”

Toudai’s brows furrowed.

“I ended up not worry about it since a month later, Diamond became sick. I didn’t know what was wrong with him. I couldn’t diagnose him. He had taught me everything I knew so even at sixteen, I was relatively competent. He told me that it was an incurable disease with no name and there was nothing I could do but give him painkillers. I was devastated. I wasn’t ready to lose Diamond yet, but he assured me that he wouldn’t die. Not until I turned twenty-one. He refused to pass until I became a man.

“For the first two years, he was able to function well so long as he had painkillers in his systems. Some days it floored him, but he was relatively okay most days. He did his best to prepare me for the day he would past. He told me that death was not something to fear. That death was very beautiful and a natural part of life. He really tried. But even after five years of telling me that, I still wasn’t ready to lose him when he finally passed. I…”

Toudai paused as his voice thickened with emotions. He cleared his throat and folded his arm over his eyes.

“Excuse me.” Toudai said, chuckling, “I’ve lost my composure for a moment.”

“It’s okay.” Rubi scooted closer. He hooked his fingers against Toudai’s bicep. “You tell me all the time it’s okay to cry. It’s healthy to cry.”

“I know. I just…heh, I haven’t talked to any human about this before. Just my cat.”

Rubi chuckled. He pressed his head against Toudai’s shoulder to give him comfort. “Do you think he really killed those perverts?”

“…I don’t know. Honestly, it doesn’t matter anymore. Diamond’s dead so let bygones be bygones and let it rest.”

 ** _‘I don’t think murder is something to let bygones be bygones…’_** Rubi decided not to mention that.

Toudai let out a heavy sigh. He moved his arm to lie it back on the bed. Rubi reached down and intertwined their hands together.

“Heh, anyway,” Toudai cleared his throat again, “Diamond was true to his word. He powered through for five years. Again, the first two years, so long as he had painkillers, he was pretty okay. The third and half of the fourth year, there were days, even weeks, where Diamond couldn’t move. The pain was just too much and painkillers only dulled it. We didn’t move around anymore after that. I didn’t look for partner’s either. Diamond was my only priority. I met a few men who were kind and caring towards me, but I didn’t strive for anything with them because I knew—or assumed—they wouldn’t really be there for me when I needed them.

“The last year-and-a-half, Diamond deteriorated drastically. He wasn’t able to get up, his speech was slurred, and his head was numb most days. Some days, he would just stare at me then smile and say, ‘I know that face. My little Totty.’—That was the pet name he gave me. He’d been calling me ‘Totty’ since I was a kid.”

Toudai’s brows furrowed.

“But the notion that he couldn’t recognize me at first was truly terrifying. Not only that, he told me strange things every once in a while. He told of a wild love with an avatar of death. His illness was his sin for loving death, for breaking his marital vows to death. He wasn’t scared to die because his beautiful bride in black would be waiting for him. He never mentioned an old love before, but in his delirium, he talked often about a woman named Rouge. I can only assume, from the little bit of information I could make from his fantastical stories, that this Rouge was his late wife—or wife-to-be—and passed away. He decided to move to China to study medicine then came to Japan. He was born in a country called England, but his mother was an immigrant from Japan. He had always wanted to see his mother country, so he did. He talked about missing England and wanted to go back. Wanting to take me there one day. He apologized that he wouldn’t be able to.”

Toudai turned his head and pressed it against Rubi’s.

“You know, I hate my birthday. February 25th is not only the day I was born but the day Diamond passed. Diamond should have passed months before, but he willed himself to stay alive. On the days he could talk, he told me he wouldn’t pass until I became a man. He told me that over and over, that he’d be there for me till the bitter end.” Toudai’s voice became thick with emotions as his eyes flooded with tears. He tried to keep them from leaking, but ultimately failed as they streamed down his face to tickle his ears. “At 12:05 in the night, on February 25th, Diamond told me he was proud of me, proud to have been my father, and he loved me. Those were his last words. Then he finally passed on.”

Toudai closed his eyes tight shut as sobs escaped him. He pressed his head against Rubi’s harshly. It was no pain to the blond, just discomfort, but he couldn’t say the same about Toudai. However, the raven didn’t show any form of agony other than his sorrow. Rubi pressed himself close and put his arm over Toudai. The doctor moved with him so that he could be embraced.

“Agh, I’m sorry!” Toudai called through sobs. “I’m sorry. Heh, this is what I meant when I said you may not be as attracted to me after.”

“No, shoosh, my love.” Rubi rubbed his head against Toudai’s. “You’re not any less attractive now that I know. I still find you as beautiful as the day I met you.”

Toudai chuckled, however, it ended in a _hic_. “Even my rotten childhood?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Even though I’m so ugly when I cry?”

“You are beautiful.”

Toudai shook his head. He then scooted down so he could tuck his head under Rubi’s chin.

“You know,” Toudai started, “Diamond was the only one who knew about my childhood. I haven’t told anyone.”

 ** _‘Can I take that as meaning I’m special?’_** Rubi decided not to ask.

“You’re the first I told my past to as well.” Rubi said instead. “Not even Roppi knows why I suddenly started living with the Hachimen pack.”

Toudai chuckled. “I must be quite special then.”

Rubi glowered. **_‘No fair. I held back saying I was special.’_**

Toudai let out a heavy sigh. “Anyway, after that, I buried myself in work and poured my affection into my cat, Shiro. I dated very seldomly and made sure they weren’t permanent. Just a hook-up with some merchant passing through town. I didn’t move around at all. Most days it was a struggle to get out of bed and the new scenery would be confusing for my cat. Shiro was well trained, but you know, still a cat so he had to be in a cage while we traveled else he’d run off into the woods. The townspeople were nice to me and tried to help me with my grief, but they just didn’t understand. They were supportive and kind and it did help but not nearly as much as I needed it to. They checked on me regularly and were always offering me random jobs around town to keep me busy.

“I lived like that for two years, gradually going through the stages of grief. When I thought I was finally in a good enough place to function normally, my cat got sick. He developed kidney failure and in my grief-stricken state, I didn’t notice until it was too late. I could have helped him if I had been more attentive. My grief costed a life. That destroyed me for a good month. I stopped eating, stop sleeping. The town was so worried about me. They checked on me regularly and one couple, a wife and husband whose children had moved out and gotten married a year ago, stayed with me to take care of me. With them watching over me, I managed to eat once a day at least.

“After that month, I dug myself out of the pit. Picked myself up by my bootstraps and dusted myself off. I couldn’t let my grief hold me back anymore. It had already costed my cat’s life; I couldn’t let it cost another. I had to be better. Diamond wouldn’t want me wallowing like that. I had to live how he had wanted me to—dignified, composed, and a good man. So, that’s what I decided to do. Took me two years to realize it but I finally got there.

“I ended up moving out of that town. I couldn’t stand to live in that house anymore and moving would be like a fresh beginning for me. So, I hitched a ride with a merchant I hooked up with and he took me to another town. I’ve been living here ever since, going on three years now.”

Rubi nodded, kissing Toudai’s head. “Thank you for telling me everything.”

Toudai was quiet. For a long while, neither of them said anything. They just laid in each other’s arms, giving each other comfort and support. God knows when they last had anything like that, and Rubi decided they deserved this. This loving embrace.

Then Toudai chuckled. “You know, I realized what you said earlier. I wasn’t going to mention it but I figure, fuck it. We’re already being honest so why not keep the ball rolling?”

Rubi cocked a brow. “What?”

“You called me ‘my love’.”

Rubi jolted and blushed. “U-um-um!”

**_‘Did I? I didn’t even realize--! It just came out naturally!’_ **

Toudai chuckled, nuzzling against Rubi’s chest. “I’m not going to say anything more. It would be inappropriate to return such a statement after sex and revealing my vulnerable side to you. I don’t know if I would mean it.”

“I didn’t—I didn’t mean to. It was—I was—”

“It’s okay.” Toudai rubbed Rubi’s chest. “It’s okay, Rubi.”

Rubi rubbed Toudai’s back.

“ _Haaaaahh_ ,” Toudai sighed heavily. “Well, I’m ready for bed.”

The two shared a chuckle. Rubi grabbed the blanket and pulled it over the two

* * *

Four more months later, the two had known each other for a year and eight months—in which those last eight, they had been a mated pair. They continued to grow with each other and gradually became comfortable with each other. They shared a bed to sleep in. Since their first union, they bathed together in the river. They had sex regularly. Toudai very seldomly reverted to his trauma to orgasm—mainly because Rubi wouldn’t let him. If he tried to say ‘Mister’, Rubi would correct him. The white wolf would pamper Toudai in endless love and affection while Toudai had given the white wolf boundless trust and honesty.

The two truly were equals. Even though Rubi wasn’t penetrated, the two took turns being in control. Even though Toudai always bottomed, the raven was never hurt without permission and consent. There was no question that their relationship was as healthy as two broken people could have. They worked with each other. They talked with each other. If there was ever an issue, they worked on it together to find the best solution.

They were happy. Truly, without question, they were a happy couple.

However, over the last three months, something worrisome began to stir in the world. Monsters and humans alike were catching wind about an order of monster exterminators and church activists. Tales were already spreading of their bountiful hunts, taking out entire packs of werebeasts, vampire nests, and even tengu clans. There had also been talk of their successful purging of deviants and hell spawns within human societies.

At first, Rubi didn’t really give these rumors much merit. There were always hunters who bragged about their kills. This time around was no different. Besides, the stories were probably overexaggerated.

However, by November, this order became more and more prominent. Soon, everyone was talking about the Holy Order. The Order had the blessing from the Pope and in just the three months they’ve been active, they already had 400 members. Their hunts have all been successful without question or hiccups.

Rubi was getting nervous now. As was his pack.

Rubi and Roppi were currently in their cave. This month was going to be a blood moon so the two didn’t plan to go out. While on the blood moon, werewolves were able to talk to humans while in their wolf form. That was very dangerous for werewolves since they could be talking to themselves or to their packmates and be heard by any human walking by. Rubi still intended to go to Toudai’s, but Roppi had been trying to convince him otherwise.

“Look,” The black-haired werewolf growled, stoking the flame. “This ‘holy order’ seem to be way more competent with hunting our kind than the average church. You shouldn’t be going out for weeks on end, especially not on a blood moon.”

“I’ll be fine. Since it snowed, I’ll blend in more and I don’t talk to myself when I walk.”

“You may be willing to take the risk, but I’m not. Nor would Shizuo.”

Rubi glowered. Roppi stood upright and stepped over to him.

“Shizuo isn’t here.” Rubi growled.

“Well, I’m here and I said no.”

Rubi glared at him. “You’re not the alpha, and I’m older than you.”

“I’m more experienced than you. You’ve gotten caught out by the church more often than I ever have.”

“You never leave this damn cave until it’s for hunting! And the church in the valley doesn’t do jack shit to hunt you! Of course, I’m going to get caught out more than you!”

“Rubi, I don’t think a quick fuck is worth your life!”

The two stood face to face now, glaring at each other with annoyance.

“Whatever whore you’ve been treating yourself to isn’t fucking worth getting hunted for!” Roppi hissed. “Besides, it’s not like there’s a future there anyway! As soon as she finds out what you are, she’ll throw you to the hounds of God without batting an eye!”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT!”

Roppi jolted as his eyes stretched wide. Rubi never raised his voice to him before and they both knew that.

“First off, this person is a _he_ , _not_ a she!” Rubi growled. “Second, he is not a whore! He’s an accomplished doctor and a good man! Thirdly, the only reason we met was because he saw me in my wolf form! We started our relationship with him knowing I’m a werewolf! He’s the one who protected me from the church! He’s the one who sent the letter out to Shizuo so he could come for me! He saved my goddamn life knowing full well what I am! And last of all, it’s not a ‘quick fuck’! We’re a mated pair! We’ve known each other for nearly two years and have been mated eight months now!”

Roppi was quiet. He stared at Rubi wide-eyed. He blinked his red eyes multiple times before he was able to compose himself.

You,” Roppi started, “Never told me any of this before.”

“You never asked.” Rubi crossed his arms. “You and I don’t talk much anymore. Not since we stopped…”

Rubi glanced to the side, shame crossing his pink eyes. Roppi was quiet once again. Rubi glanced up to see the black wolf was glowering at the ground.

“Do you…” Rubi started.

Roppi looked up at him.

“Do you want to fix that?”

Roppi cocked a brow in judgmental confusion.

“I’m just saying. We’re packmates. We’ve been together for ten years now and we’ll probably be together for many years to come. I don’t…want to avoid you. I don’t want to only talk to you because I need something, or we need to hunt.”

“The hell kind of sappy shit are you spewing right now?” Roppi scoffed. “What, you want us to trade diaries? While we’re at you, let’s braid each other’s hair!”

Roppi glowered at him. Rubi glared right back.

“You’re such an ass.” Rubi growled.

The blond decided he was done talking to him, so he turned away.

Roppi scoffed. “You’re the—”

Rubi was saved by the bell. To be more accurate, the bat. A small bat flew into the cave and went straight up to Rubi. The blond went to dodge out of the way, but the animal stopped before getting close enough to touch him. It flapped it’s wings fiercely. Rubi stood up properly. He immediately noticed the little bat had a note in its tiny paws. He knew immediately that it was one of Izaya’s familiars.

Rubi put his hand out for the animal to land on. It did such, letting the letter go. Rubi grabbed the letter while the bat climbed up his sleeve. He tore it open as the little bat sat on his shoulder.

“What does Izaya want?” Roppi asked.

Rubi didn’t answer. He unfolded it and began to read. Roppi didn’t move from where he was. It wasn’t like he could read it anyway.

_‘Dear Hachimenroppi and Yubiwa Hachimenrubi_

_You have been cordially summoned to the Orihara Estate for a pack meeting. Both of your presence is required as soon as wolfly possible. We heavily suggest you pack most of your clothes and personal items, as there may be a chance you will not be returning to the Hachimen territory in a timely matter._

_Shizuo requests that you make haste immediately._

_Yours Truly,_

_Orihara Izaya’_

Rubi glowered. **_‘My name is not Hachimenrubi!’_**

Izaya knew Rubi hated that name so every once in a while, he would call him that to piss him off. Rubi folded the letter. He rubbed the bats’ head.

“We’ve been summoned.” Rubi said. “Both of us have to go. Must be an important pack meeting.”

“Shizuo wants us to come?”

“Yeah.”

Roppi cocked a brow. “What’s he thinking, with this holy order going around…”

“Well, Shizuo’s in the church, so if he’s okay calling a meeting then this order must not be as bad as we were led to believe.”

“But it’s bad enough that he wants all of us to show.” Roppi’s eyes narrowed. “This isn’t good, Rubi. I don’t think this’ll be a good meeting.”

Rubi didn’t respond, looking at his half-brother. The blond knew to trust Roppi when it came his feelings. He was usually right in pessimistic cases.

“Do we have enough meat for the journey?” Rubi asked, turning to the raven.

The bat pushed off Rubi’s shoulder. It flew away, out of the cave and out of sight.

“We have enough for the five-day journey down the mountain.” Roppi said. “We’ll need to hunt for the two days it’ll take to get to Izaya’s.”

“Okay. Well, winter just started so there should be plenty of deer on the way.”

“Rabbits would be better. We’ll have too much food if we catch a deer.”

“Ah, okay. Izaya said to pack most of your personal belongings. He said it might be a while before we’re able to come back to the territory.”

Roppi’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, I don’t like that.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. You worry too much.”

* * *

“Well, let me just cut to the chase,” Shizuo said, “We have to leave Japan.”

Every werewolves’ eyes widened.

Rubi, Roppi, Sakuraya, and Shitsuo sat at the table in Izaya’s dining room, staring up at their alpha, Heiwajima Shizuo. There were a lot more people in the room that Rubi didn’t know. He knew Orihara Izaya and Celty Sturluson, but he didn’t know who everyone else was. There had been introductions when Roppi and Rubi came in, so he knew their names—Kishitani Shinra, Ryuugamine Mikado, Mikajima Saki, Kida Masaomi, Sonohara Anri, Rokujou Chikage, Subarashii Hibiya, Simon Brezhnev, Denis, and Blue—but he had no clue who they were. None of them were human, except for Shinra. There was an overpowering smell of vampires and three scents that Rubi had never smelt before, so he had no clue what they were, nor who they came from.

Everyone was chatting amongst themselves while they waited for the priest and master of the estate to come. As soon as Shizuo and Izaya walked in the door, the blond alpha dropped that bombshell of a statement.

“Wait, what?” Rubi was the first to speak. “What do you mean leave?”

“I meant what I said. I’m sure by now you’ve all heard of the Holy Order.”

“Yeah,” Kida said, “but that’s just a bunch of lucky kills and overexaggerated rumors.”

“They’re not.” Izaya smiled at him. “Shizu-chan and I have seen firsthand that these men are serious. We witnessed quite a brutal case, where they murdered a child with down-syndrome. They deemed the boy as a hell spawn and promptly burnt him at the stake. As you may guess, the boy’s father protested to this persecution and attempted to get the towns agreement to spare his child. However, the father was then convicted of lying with a witch in order to breed such a child and demanded to know the whereabouts of the witch’s coven. They pressed him to death and the child was burnt.”

Rubi stared at the vampire lord in horror. His expression matched many of those around him. Roppi’s eyes narrowed in a glare, as did Chikage’s and Mikado’s.

“These men are not every-day priests.” Izaya continued. “They’re crusaders, come to invoke God’s righteous punishment on anything nonhuman and anyone willing to aide them.”

Shizuo nodded. “They know what they’re doing, and they know what to look for. The Awakusu-Kai vouched for me as a good priest despite my hair. But I won’t be able to keep any of us safe anymore. I can’t fickle your hunts if you get caught.”

Shizuo looked at Rubi in particular. Rubi glowered, resenting that.

“Many monsters have been leaving Japan to stay in a country not far from us.” Izaya went on. “A little country called Taiwan. Sharaku Eijirou, a fellow werewolf, is giving safe passage to any monsters who need it. There is a fee, but it is minor and only to divulge suspicion. After all, a free boat voyage for any and all would look questionable to the church, so Eijirou needs a paper trail to show they are legitimate. If needed, I can easily pay for everyone’s fare.”

“What about those that can’t leave?” Mikado asked. “Other monsters outside this room?”

“They are not our problem.”

“Are they not? Many of our species are already close to endangered.”

“Yes, and many of our species are foul.”

“Were you not the one who said that we cannot damn all because of the sins of the few?”

Izaya smiled. “Mikado-kun, let’s not twist my words on me.”

“Father, we have an obligation to save those that deserve to be saved. My crew had been dedicated to doing good in this world and that won’t change now that this Holy Order has started.”

Izaya glowered. Then he looked at Kida. “Does the Yellow Scarves agree?”

Kida glowered. “The Yellow Scarves are officially disbanded.”

“But they live on in the Dollars, do they not?”

Kida glared.

“Your friends from the Yellow Scarves would be giving their lives for this heroic cause.”

“Father, no.” Mikado shook his head. “If they wish to leave, then they may. Although, our sanctuary is probably the safest place for them.”

“Unless your sanctuary is found.”

“That would be very hard when there’s an Unspoken Allegiance Ward.”

Izaya didn’t respond. His smile remained but his eyes narrowed with malice.

“Kida-kun, Sonohara-san,” Mikado turned to them, “If you wish to take your groups and leave Japan then you are free to, but I will remain here until I absolutely have to. Now more than ever, monsters need something like the Dollars to sift out the good and the bad. I can’t run away from this.”

“Jeez, you’re still so serious!” Kida smacked Mikado on the back. “I’m not going anywhere! You need me to keep your head on straight!”

“I will also remain.” Anri said. “I…may be useful to you.”

Saki looked over at Izaya. “I’m sorry, Izaya-san, but we both know I can’t leave Masaomi-kun on his own. He’s liable to hurt himself.”

“Ah, give me the benefit of the doubt!” Kida smiled at the girl as he held her hand. “I’m kind of competent.”

The girl smiled back. Rubi could tell they were a pair and found them very cute.

Izaya was quiet for a moment then he chuckled. “Well, this was merely a suggestion. No one is forcing anyone to go. Just know, the option is available.”

“I need to talk to my girls first.” Chikage stated. “And my crew. But I honestly think we’ll be fine. We’re probably not leaving anytime soon.”

“I shall also remain, Nii-san.” Hibiya said. “As viscounts, this Holy Order wouldn’t dare persecute us.”

Hibiya looked over at Simon, Denis, and Blue.

“So long as they remain within my household, they will not be touched by this order either. I see no reason to flee from a group of vermin. Nor should you, Nii-san.”

“I have no intention to flee.” Izaya’s eyes narrowed. “Truly, I feel as if we have nothing to fear. Those of us who can blend in with society or at least hide from it.” He then looked over at the Heiwajima pack. “It is you lot I fear for.”

The group of werewolves looked at each other. Pink eyes met red met brown around prominent blond locks.

“We do stick out like sore thumbs.” Shitsuo stated.

“Even those of us who are brunette’s still have unnatural qualities to us.” Sakuraya inputted.

“But what if we leave?” Roppi asked. “The territories we had been guarding for centuries may be taken from us by someone other monsters who weren’t scared off. The Hachimen territory is well-guarded within the mountains. I don’t see a reason for Rubi or me to leave.”

“We can’t just split up the pack though.” Rubi stated. “So, what if Sakuraya and Shitsuo came to live with us? Shizuo can remain in the church where it’s safe and we’ll just send him pigeon messages to update him on our safety.”

“Or even better, Sakuraya and Shitsuo can stay with Izaya. These two pussyfooters wouldn’t last three days in the mountains.”

That earned him a glare from the two ‘pussyfooters’ and Shizuo.

“I’m not wrong.” Roppi looked at them, then Shizuo. “They’ve lived a relatively pampered life. I doubt they would adapt from beds to cave floors, nor be all that useful with hunting and gathering. I have no intention of playing babysitter, nor do I think they want to be babysat. They can keep their cozy lifestyle with their dignity intact and Rubi and I can defend our territory. Everybody wins.”

“And what if the town within your territory gets a visit from the Holy Order?” Izaya asked.

Roppi went quiet for a moment. The atmosphere around him changed drastically. Rubi could feel something was instantly wrong with his half-brother.

“They wouldn’t.” The werewolf stated.

“Why wouldn’t they? After all, they have been plagued by a werewolf for generations now. If they are at all as competent as they seem and Shizuo can’t stop Tanaka-san from requesting aide anymore, then what would be stopping them?”

Roppi’s eyes narrowed. However, he did not respond. A worried expression flashed across his face before it was replaced by a scowl.

“W-well,” Rubi started, “That’s only if the priest goes.”

“And if he does?”

“W-well…” Rubi wasn’t sure how to respond.

“Give me one month.” Roppi stood from his chair. “I have things to put in order.”

Rubi’s eyes widened. “Wait, you’re willing to go?!”

“It’s best for all of us.”

“Bu-but, but wait!” Rubi stood up, his chair screeching back. “I can’t leave! I just—”

“Bring your lover with.” Roppi looked at him with an eerily calm gaze. “He’s a deviant anyway, so he’ll be persecuted as well if it becomes known. Fucking a man is bad enough, but if they figure out said man was a werewolf, he’s dead for sure. So just bring him with.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed. **_‘I mean, that’s true, but he wasn’t keen on the idea of living with Izaya all because he’d be safe from persecution. He wants to heal people and if we leave—’_**

“Lover?” Shizuo’s voice triggered Rubi out of his thoughts. He looked up to see the alpha looking at him with a cocked brow. “When did you get a lover?”

“Um…well…”

“Oh, Shizu-chan, you didn’t notice?” Izaya mused. “His scent has been mingling with another’s for quite some time now.”

The vampire stepped over to Rubi, putting his face uncomfortably close to the white wolf’s.

“And it’s a scent I recognize. Reminds me of a younger doctor we met a year ago, who Shizu-chan specifically told you never to meet again.”

Rubi stiffened as his eyes flashed to Shizuo. The alpha’s gaze narrowed into a glare. “You went back to that human doctor’s?”

“Wel-well, I—you didn’t let me thank him or say good-bye. I had to show common curtesy.”

Shizuo’s gaze only grew angrier. “Really? Your excuse is that you went back to say good-bye?”

“I—You know what, I don’t need to hear that again! Toudai already pointed out how stupid that was!”

“Because it is stupid!” The alpha yelled.

“I know, but I just couldn’t let things be! I had to see him one last time! He wasn’t scared of me in my wolf form. Startled, but not scared. He even pat me like I was just a giant puppy! And then—and then we got to talking and he-he really helped me.”

“So, you deliberately disobeyed me then continued to meet up with him all because you two ‘got to talking’?”

“It wasn’t just idle chit-chat! He listened to me! Really listened and he helped me! He—I’m not…I’m not scared of fire anymore.”

Shizuo’s eyes widened, as did Roppi’s. Sakuraya and Shitsuo just looked up at him in surprise.

“He’s kinds and sweet. He’s a good man and a competent physician. And he’s so above and beyond open-minded! He’d make a great addition to the pack, Shizuo!”

“Other than the fact he would be the only human in a pack of wolves.”

“He wouldn’t be scared.”

“He’d be leaving behind his home.”

“He’s always been nomadic. Come spring, he would have moved on again.”

“Are you for certain what you have is actually love and not just idle sex friendship?”

“Do you think a dignified man with a good name would risk his very life all for an idle sex friend?” Rubi glared, then his gaze softened. “I love him. I really do. I can’t just abandon him.”

Shizuo glowered.

“Your mate won’t be the only human, by the way.” Roppi stated. “I’m bringing one with me, as well.”

Many eyes widened as they looked over at Roppi. The black wolf’s eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“You have a lover?” Shizuo asked.

“You could say that.” Roppi’s expression softened. “We’re not official, but we made a promise to always be together. He wanted to come live with me in the cave, but I wasn’t…well, you know…”

Roppi glanced to the side as he shrugged.

“Anyway, I need to talk to him, but he’ll be coming with us too. Having another human will make him feel more comfortable and help him adjust to pack life.”

“Are you certain he’ll be okay leaving him home?” Shizuo asked.

“Of course, he will. He said he wanted to see the world. He’d never left his valley, so he’s very eager to explore. And before you say it,” Roppi’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Shizuo. “I have no intention for our pack to get caught out on our journey. I’ll make sure none of us are put in danger.”

Shizuo was quiet for a moment. He stared at Roppi, then nodded. “Understood.”

Rubi cocked a brow. **_‘That was easy.’_**

“Alright, one month.” Shizuo stated. “Have everything settled by then.”

* * *

From Izaya’s place, Rubi went straight towards Toudai’s. He had heeded the letter’s advice and packed most of his clothes. He didn’t have many, just about eight sets. He packed six of them, all of his books, his pelts for his bed, and pillow. His duffle was heavier than usual, but he had no reason to complain too much.

As the packmates went their separate ways, Izaya sent bats with Rubi, Roppi, and Shitsuo—since Shitsuo and Sakuraya lived together they only needed one. The little creature was burrowed into one of the outer pockets in Rubi’s duffle. Izaya assured him the bat wouldn’t leave guano in his belongings. He took a little comfort in that, despite no fully trusting the animal.

It took Rubi another two days to get to Toudai’s place. The snow was thick and gave perfect cover for the huge white wolf. He made it to the doctor’s place without incident. It was nearly dawn and Toudai was certainly asleep. The doctor always made sure to keep his window unlocked around the time of the full moon since it wasn’t the first time Rubi came incredibly late in the evening—and last time Rubi had to hide in the woods till Toudai woke in the morning since he couldn’t get into the clinic. The white wolf-turned-human opened the window quietly and sat on the windowsill. He untied his boots, took them off, shook them off out the window, then stepped down on his sock-covered foot into the home.

He closed the window behind him and went towards Toudai’s bedroom. Quietly, he opened the door. He squeezed in as silently as he could. He could see the lump on the bed shift. He put his duffle and boots by the door. He walked over and grabbed the spare blanket from the nightstand. It was no question that Rubi’s skin—despite wearing clothes for the last leg of his journey—was chilled to the touch, so to make sure Rubi didn’t shock Toudai awake by the frigid embrace, the doctor started putting a blanket to the side for Rubi to use separate from his. Rubi moved Toudai’s cover, so he wouldn’t be lying on them. Toudai groaned softly before shifting over to give Rubi room to climb in. The white wolf did so with little pause.

Rubi got under his blanket.

“Hi.” Toudai muttered in a tired voice.

“Hi.” Rubi whispered back.

“What time is it?”

“Probably an hour off till dawn.”

Toudai groaned. He grabbed the blankets over his chest and tucked them between his hands, then huddled closer to Rubi. Rubi tilted his chin up to rest it on top of the raven’s head.

“You’re so cold.” Toudai said. “I can feel it through my hair.”

“Sorry.”

“You’re okay.”

Toudai let out a heavy sigh before his breathing became rhythmic with sleep. Rubi smiled and kissed the top of his head. Inside, he felt a string of anxiety grip his chest from the conversation he would have to have with the doctor tomorrow. The fear that he would get rejected and have to abandon Toudai or his pack. He hoped it didn’t come to that. He was scared it would come to that.

But he wouldn’t worry about it for now. He closed his eyes, deciding to get some sleep as well.

Rubi didn’t wake until nearly noon. Toudai had woken up way earlier—Rubi barely stirred when he got out of bed—so Rubi had the bed to himself for quite a few hours.

However, he didn’t wake naturally. He woke because he heard a relatively heated discussion in the clinic. Toudai was talking to someone. He could hear his voice through the door. The blond got out of bed and walked over to the entrance, placing his ear to the wood.

“…reason you have to be here?! If you have no medical emergency, then leave already!”

“Why won’t you just answer our questions? Where did you learned your medical knowledge? Who taught you such abnormal practices?”

“As I stated, they are not abnormal!”

“If they were normal, we would not be questioning you.”

“No, if you were not stuck in the past and learned to adapt, you would not be questioning me.”

“Are you trying to say the church is wrong?”

“I am saying you are wrong. And as far as I am concerned, you are not the church. Your methods are far too cruel to be men of God.”

“Our methods are just!”

“I don’t think an Iron Bull is just punishment! Nor should good men of God resort to torturing people in order to extract information!”

Rubi’s eyes widened as it finally hit him. **_‘The Holy Order is here.’_**

The blond felt a profound pit of fear in his chest.

“Do you question God?”

“You are not God!” Toudai yelled. “And any man who think he is has no place within my clinic! Now _get out_!”

There was a brief silence.

“You’re under arrest.” One man said.

Rubi jolted.

“Arrest? For what and by who’s authority?!”

“By the authority of the Holy Order, bestowed upon us by the Pope himself, you are under arrest for blasphemy and atheism!”

“Excuse me?! When have I ever stated I was an atheist?! You cannot jump to conclusions off of baseless—ow! Enough, get your hands off me!”

Rubi heard Toudai cough harshly, as if the wind had been forced out of him. The blond jolted to such a savage sound from the dignified man. He grabbed the knob and cracked the door open enough to peak out. Toudai was standing, bending forward and holding his stomach with one arm. The other was wrenched behind his back by a man dressed in chainmail, a metal breastplate and white robes with a red cross on the chest.

“We are only here,” the soldier in front of Toudai said, “Because the priest and mayor have stated you were suspicious of devious practice. Upon first glance, I understand why they would think such. A man should not have such a tempting face, yet we gave you the opportunity to defend yourself. You have decided to let your pride speak louder than your faith and so, until proven innocent, you are under arrest. If you decide to resist, we will do what we deem necessary to detain you.”

Toudai coughed again before looking up. “You’re full of it. It is your pride that speaks loudly, and the only thing louder than that is your prejudice. You deem yourself judge, jury, and execution.” Toudai chuckled. “You’re more of a blasphemer than I.”

The soldier did not take to that kindly. His gauntlet-covered hand came out to backhand Toudai. The doctor clenched his teeth to keep his voice down, a guttural groan coming out instead. His cheek was cut by the metal. Rubi stiffened.

“He has refused to repent.” The soldier turned away. “May God have mercy on his soul. Arrest him already.”

The two soldiers by Toudai worked on doing just that. One grabbed his other arm and wrenched it behind his back with the other while the second grabbed a pair of shackles from his belt.

**_‘I have to do something.’_ **

Rubi’s muscles tensed, ready to leap forth to help.

However, it was not needed.

“I believe it would be in your best interest to reconsidered.” Toudai stated. “After all, you may cause a riot.”

 ** _‘You can’t reason with them!’_** Rubi’s eyes widened. **_‘Wait, what? Riot?’_**

The men glowered.

“The priest and the mayor have suspicions of me but have not enacted on those suspicions until now? Why do you think that is?”

“Because you are their only doctor and they needed you.”

Toudai chuckled. “No—well, yes, they do, but even then, if I was a deviant then I wouldn’t be able to help anyone without the whole town stoning me. After all, if a deviant were to work on an honest man or woman, would they not also become a deviant? In that respect, I believe the priest—and you—would agree that it would be best to persecute me and rid the world of my devious existence than to allow me to stay on this earth. It’s sound logic, which you are trying to implement right now, and yet they have not done so. Why do you think that is?”

The men didn’t respond.

“Because the whole town was against the priest on his decision. Not because they need me, not because they want me, but because I was already proven innocent in the eyes of God and Man. Another priest from the Awakusu-Kai came to our town, under the request of our priest, to give me trial. He found me innocent of any devious act.”

 ** _‘He never mentioned that before.’_** Rubi cocked a brow.

“No, our priest—who might I state was never ordained and is only a priest by name since he is one of the few people in this town who can read, thus one of the few people who can spread the word of God—has a vendetta against me. It all started with his son, who was torn about his faith to God and was starting to drift towards atheism. He became scared that the only reason he believed in God was because his father demanded he believed. He became scared his faith was false and he truly did not love God. He didn’t know what to believe.

“I advised him to find his own way to God.” Toudai went on. “I told him it may be best to experience God without his father using the bible as a noose. He took my advice and left on a mission. He was going to find God in a way that was right for him. Last I heard, he was apprenticing within the Awakusu-Kai. If you so wish for proof, simply send a letter to their church. This was two years ago, so their memory may be foggy, but hopefully they would have kept some kind of record.”

Toudai smiled at them confidently.

“Now, I ask you, if I were a deviant, why would I try to turn a boy away from atheism? Why would I encourage him to keep his faith to God? He was quite vulnerable so it would have been easy to convince him God was a farce. So, why did I not? And why did the town side with me instead of our priest? Why did another priest from a separate church side with me over our priest?”

The men didn’t answer, glaring.

“Our ‘priest’ is not a holy man, but simply a man who is able to read. He has allowed that to get to his head and was never taught that priests are to be unbiased and understanding. He feels as if I scorned his family, or mayhaps he is upset that I was able to help his son better than he could. But either or way, his accusations towards me are anything but pure Christian intent. From where I stand, you are persecuting a man who has done nothing but help this town and all its residence while giving a pedestal to a man who has allowed hatred to fill his heart and sway his decisions.”

The two soldiers looked at each other, then at the man who had struck Toudai earlier.

“It would be in your best interest to hold off on this arrest.” Toudai tugged at his arms, still restrained behind his back but not yet shackled. “Again, the town is on my side. If you were to arrest me, you might elicit a riot. I do not think you have enough soldiers, shackles, nor jail carriages to quell the fury of a 100 or so people.”

For a while, the room was silent. Toudai and the ringleader held eye contact the entire time. The soldier glared while Toudai just stared.

Then the man in armor glowered and looked away.

“We will be sending a letter out to the Awakusu-Kai church. If they cannot vouch for your innocence, then we _will_ be back.”

“Understood.”

The two soldiers let Toudai go. The doctor brought his hands in front of him and rubbed his wrist.

The lead soldier clenched his teeth and glared in irritancy. He then turned away. “We’re done here.”

“Have a good day.” Toudai said.

There was no reply back as the three left, slamming the door behind them.

Once alone, Toudai let out a heavy exhale and sat down on the closest bed. Rubi opened the door cautiously, which enticed the doctor to look over.

“I would not come out.” Toudai stated, a tired smile crossing his face. “They may return.”

“You…did you lie to them?”

Toudai paused, then chuckled and glanced to the side. “Yes, I did.”

Rubi’s insides twisted.

“However, I was planning to move on anyway. The merchant should be arriving in the next week, so I will pack up my things and be on my way.”

“A wee—they’ll have a letter back from the Awakusu-Kai in a day at the most! You’ll be arrested before then!”

“Rubi, do not yell.” Toudai stood. “Again, they could be close by still.”

Rubi clenched his teeth.

Toudai walked over to the blond. Rubi backed away as Toudai stepped into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

“I will be alright.” Toudai stated. “I’m sure they will allow me to leave if I state as such. That’s what the other priests did.”

“These guys aren’t like the other priests. They’re savage and vile. They burnt a child with a mental handicap and pressed his father to death for speaking against them. They’re not someone you can reason with.”

Toudai’s eyes widened.

“Toudai, they’ll kill you. Come tomorrow, you’re a good as dead!”

“I’m sure it will not come to that.” Toudai patted Rubi’s chest. “I will be okay.”

“No, you won’t. Without that letter from the Awakusu-Kai or the aide of the town, you’re…” Rubi clenched his teeth. “I won’t be able to send a letter to Shizuo fast enough. Even then, I can’t have Shizuo vouch for you. He’s already on thin ice as is.”

Rubi tilted his head down. **_‘He’s going to die.’_**

“Rubi.” Toudai patted the blonde’s head. “There is not much else I can do but to wait.”

Rubi looked up. “Come with me.”

Toudai’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?”

“Come with me, Toudai. My pack, we’re leaving Japan. We can’t stay here anymore, not with this Holy Order going around. Where we’re going, we’ll be safe. The Holy Order won’t follow us.”

“Rubi, did we not already have this conversation? You want for me to leave behind everything, human society and all my worldly possessions to live with you in a cave?”

“You can bring your worldly possessions, at least everything you can carry on your back. And well…yeah, the cave I can’t help. If our pack can find a house outside of a town, then I’m sure we’ll go with that. Sakuraya, Shitsuo, and Shizuo have never lived in a cave so I doubt we’ll be living in one now. But even then, is abandoning human society worse than dying for it?”

“Rubi, I told you before, I can’t leave everything. I made a vow to help people. I can’t just—”

“I know you want to honor Diamond by being a good doctor, but I don’t think Diamond would want you to die all because you were honoring him!”

Toudai eye’s widened with rage. He opened his mouth to say something but faltered. He then glanced to the side with a glower.

“Toudai, I…I love you.”

The raven looked up at him.

“I truly love you. And I don’t want to see you die for people who don’t deserve your life. This town, these people, they’re not worth dying for. You deserve better. You deserve happiness and these people have done more than their fair share of taking that from you.”

“But I am a doctor. I can’t just abandon people in need when—”

“These people have made it very clear that they don’t need you if you’re a deviant!” Rubi grabbed Toudai’s biceps. “I understand you have your vows! I understand you are living for Diamond! But Diamond would want you to heal as many as you can with a long life, than to heal a few and die for them!”

Toudai’s eyes were wide with shock. It was obvious he never expected Rubi to because so physical with him over this matter. Rubi hoped that such an act got across how desperate he was to convince him.

“Toudaimoto, please.” Rubi smiled at him, his voice much gentler now. “Come away with me. I told you I was alright with burning in Hell with you. Now I ask you, are you okay with burning in Hell with me?”

Toudai’s brows furrowed in confliction. He glanced to the side, glowering at the floor. His teeth clenched while his hands came up to grab Rubi’s wrists. He didn’t push the blond away, however, just held him. He was quiet for a long while.

Then finally, he looked up at him. His rosy lips uttered the words that would seal his fate forever.

* * *

“He said yes.” Rubi smiled, looking at Tsukishima with that soft gaze of happiness. “We packed as much of his stuff as we could—his books, blankets, and anything that was precious to him—and were on our way. I sent that bat with a letter back to Izaya so that he would know we were on our way and so Shizuo would know the situation. Then…”

Rubi’s smile fell as he faltered. He glanced to the side and visibly deflated.

“Then when we got to Izaya’s place, he let us know that Shizuo sent a letter. Shizuo said that Father Tom had asked the Holy Order for aide to remove the werewolf scourge from his rath—your rath. He sent that letter to Roppi as well with a voicing enchantment so it'll talk to him since he couldn't read. In a few days, Roppi sent one back saying he’d be making the journey back to Izaya’s place with his…lover…”

Tsuki’s brows furrowed to the statement. The little blond tilted his head down to stare at his blanket, clenching his fists around the fabric. “You-you didn’t know. He-he made it out to-to be con-consensual.”

Rubi clenched his teeth. He then let out a heavy sigh.

“W-what were you guys do-doing out, b-by the way?” Tsuki looked up at Rubi. “W-when the lycan attacked, you-you guys cam-came to our rescue.”

“Oh, we were out hunting while we waited for Shizuo to return to Izaya’s place. I was teaching Sakuraya and Shitsuo how to track since they had never hunted for themselves before.”

“Th-they hadn’t?”

“No, Kichirou always brought them meat. Then when Shizuo became the alpha, Izaya funded them so they could buy meat from some travelling merchants that stopped by regularly.”

“O-oh.”

“Yeah, since we wouldn’t know where we were going to go or where we would live, I decided it’d be best if they knew how to hunt for themselves instead of being dependent on others to feed them. I wasn’t planning on actually catching anything, which is why Toudai was with us since he wanted to get used to riding me.” Rubi chuckled. “I wasn’t about to put a saddle on for him, so he was going to have to learn to hold on and move with me.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he can ride you good.” Tsuki glowered before grabbing his water canteen from the floor.

The white wolf immediately blushed. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

Tsuki chuckled.

 ** _‘He laughed.’_** Rubi acknowledged, feeling a pit of guilt swell with his happiness. It was the first time he had seen the blond laugh since his fit of maniacal laughter a year ago.

“Yeah, I don’t know why Roppi set up camp.” Rubi smiled at Tsuki. “He was only about another hour or two away from Izaya’s place, so he could have kept going and you guys could have slept in a nice bed instead of in the middle of the forest.”

Tsuki’s smile immediately vanished as his eyes widened in shock. Then his gaze soured with sorrow. His brows furrowed and a frown crossed his face. He looked down at the metal canteen in his grip. His hands were shaking.

“What’s wrong?” Rubi asked, tilting his head down to try and entice eye contact.

Tsuki didn’t look up at him. “He probably…we-well, I had an-an asthma attack. So-so I was unconscious fo-for most of the day. Whe-when I woke, he was making a fire so-so maybe he was wo-worried about me? M-maybe he wanted to keep me…w-warm.”

“You would have been warmer in a house…” Rubi let his words trail off.

Tsuki clenched his teeth hard. “He ra—we…had s-sex…that…night.”

Rubi’s brows knit with sympathy pain and guilt.

“He-he said that was the last ch-chance we-we would have pri-privacy. Th-that his packmates will be list-listening in afterwards so-so it was the be…best opportunity to…”

Tsuki choked back a sob. The blond quickly reached his hands up and rubbed his eyes to stop any tears from leaking.

“Hey, Tsuki!” Roppi’s voice called from the kitchen.

The fragile blond jolted.

“Do you want a big helping or little helping?”

Tsuki quickly wiped his eyes and looked over. Roppi wasn’t in the doorway, but that didn’t make the fear leave Tsuki’s face.

“Uh, um, um…” Tsuki stammered, his voice small. “Sm-sm-small…”

Roppi obviously didn’t hear that and Rubi knew it, so the white wolf said in a louder voice. “He wants a small helping!”

“Okay!” Roppi called back.

Tsuki didn’t say anything. He had a vice grip on the canteen once again.

Rubi couldn’t take his eyes off the blond. He looked so small, frail, and pathetic. He was just like a scared deer without its mother to protect it. The only reason he was like that was because of the villainy Roppi forced upon him. The villainy that Rubi allowed Roppi to force upon him.

“I’m so sorry, Tsuki.” Rubi voiced.

The blond looked up at him. It was a brief gaze, then his eyes were back on the canteen. “It’s…I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not fine.”

Tsuki looked up at him with a glower.

“But you will be.”

Rubi’s hand found purchase over Tsuki’s. The blond flinched but didn’t try to take his hand away.

“Toudai will take care of you from now on.” Rubi smiled softly. “Toudai will be able to help you and I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

Tsuki’s looked up at him once again. They held eye contact for a moment. Then Tsuki looked away again. This time he turned away from Rubi completely to lie on his side, pointing his back to the white wolf.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Tsuki said.

That hurt. Rubi’s chest grew tight to the words.

“If you have to choose between me or Roppi, you’ll chose Roppi again. Which is why I don’t get why you’re the one staying with me. Roppi’s the one I need protecting from and he’s the only one you won’t do anything against.”

Rubi clenched his teeth. He wanted to argue. Wanted to say the blond was wrong. But he couldn’t, because he knew he’d probably be lying.

Tsuki chuckled. “It’s funny. You and Toudai-san agreed that you’d be okay burning in Hell together. Toudai-san’s given you the world and more with his love and it’s still so easily tossed away all for a half-brother who only now started to like you.”

Such words stabbed into Rubi’s heart like a knife.

“Tsuki,” Rubi started, “I—”

“Thank you for telling me such a story. It was actually really interesting to listen too.”

Before Rubi could respond, Toudai and Roppi finally came out of the kitchen, each holding a plate. One was for Rubi and the other for Tsuki. Roppi put his plate down on the table while Toudai walked over with Tsuki’s.

“I’m not hungry anymore.” Tsukishima said. “Sorry.”

Rubi looked up at Toudai. He wasn’t sure what expression he had on his face, but it must have shown his helplessness and confliction as Toudai’s brows furrowed. He stared for a moment before he patted Rubi on the shoulder and gestured for him to move. Rubi obeyed, standing over by Roppi. Toudai took his place on the bed. His rested the plate on his lap and tapped Tsuki’s bicep with his uninjured hand.

“I know you must be tired.” Toudai said. “But you haven’t eaten much today. Please, if you can, try to stomach just a little bit.”

“…I don’t really…”

“I know.” Toudai smiled at him, reassuringly. “I know, Tsuki. But the less you eat, the longer it’ll take your body to heal.”

Tsuki didn’t respond.

“I have some medicine for you. One that will help you sleep soundly and one that will help dull the pain. Both of which are quite bitter and may be hard to swallow on their own. However, I can put a dollop on each piece of meat and the rabbit will help get the taste down.”

Tsuki was silent. Then he let out a heavy sigh through his nose. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Toudai smiled.

The blond rolled back over and sat up. Toudai held the plate out to him, that gentle smile still in place. Tsuki only glanced up at him. Rubi wasn’t sure if he was nervous to meet the doctor’s eye or if he just didn’t want to meet the doctor’s eye, but either or way, Tsuki kept his gaze on his food. Toudai bent down and grabbed his doctor’s bag. He pulled it out from under the bed, reached inside, and pulled out two small brown bottles. The caps were squeeze syringes. He took one and squeezed the cap to get the liquid up the tube, opened the bottle then put a small dollop on a piece of rabbit. He did the same with the other medicine.

Tsuki looked at the food in uncertainty but stabbed the meat with his fork and put it in his mouth. His face immediately soured in distaste.

“Yo-you weren’t kidding.” Tsuki said. “That’s really bitter.”

Toudai chuckled. “The next one, put the meat on your tongue and the medicine on the roof of your mouth. It’ll be easier to chew like that.”

Tsuki nodded. He forcefully swallowed the meat then exhaled heavily. “Yup, I’ll do that.”

The two shared a chuckle.

A few hours later, Tsuki was sound asleep, Rubi was stoking the fire to get ready for the night, while Roppi and Toudai were getting ready to leave.

“Um, Toudai…” Rubi looked up at his lover. “Can I uh, can I talk to you, in private for a moment.”

Toudai looked down at him. Then he looked over at Roppi. The doctor walked over to the table and grabbed one of the chairs.

“Sit here and do not move.” Toudai stated. “Prove to me that I can leave you unsupervised with Tsuki for at least five minutes.”

Roppi glowered at him. But he didn’t argue as he sat down in the chair. He looked at the sleeping blond, then cast his gaze to the ground.

Toudai turned to Rubi. “Yes, we can talk.”

Rubi smiled softly. The two went into Rubi’s room—which was Psy (or Vi’s?) old room and the only other room in the house that had a door besides the restroom. This room was Rubi’s to sleep in. The door closed and the Toudai sat down on the bed.

“What’s wrong, Rubi?” Toudai asked. “You’ve been making quite the face since before.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed again.

“Did Tsuki not like our story?” The doctor smiled kindly, although there was a sad glint to his eyes. “I’m sure he disapproved of most of it.”

“No, that’s not it. He actually liked it, I think. He didn’t seem repulsed at least.”

Toudai cocked a brow. “Then what’s wrong?”

“It’s just…I…” Rubi clenched his teeth.

The white wolf then went on his knees before Toudai. He wrapped his arms around the raven’s waist and rested his head on his lap. Toudai’s hands raised in surprise for a moment before they rested on the white wolf’s shoulders.

“Thank you, Toudai.” Rubi said. “I owe you so goddamn much and I didn’t…return the favor. My days with you have been the happiest I’ve ever been. You’ve given me everything I could have ever asked for. And I…I…with Roppi…and I didn’t keep my word to you about the cave and—”

“I’m not upset about living in a cave.” Toudai interrupted. “It was a hard adjustment, but we made it quite homey soon enough. Having you there with me was all I really needed.”

“But now that I’m staying here, you have to sleep there all alone.”

“Well, I’m not sleeping in the room alone. I’ve been sharing Roppi’s room.”

Rubi’s eyes stretched wide as he looked up at Toudai.

“Nothing depraved happened. It’s just safer for me to sleep in a room with another werewolf, in case Izaya’s mania grows worse. Shizuo’s been keeping an eye on him, but he and Roppi agreed it wasn’t wise for me to sleep alone. Besides, Roppi was having nightmares, ones that made him scream in his sleep. So, I decided it best to be there for him as soon as they start, rather than let them escalate to that point.”

“He hasn’t…”

“Hasn’t what?”

Rubi looked down. “No, it’s…nothing…”

Toudai smiled softly. “He hasn’t laid his hands upon me; not in violence or in sexual manners. He is broken, however, not mad. Now that he has thrown away his delusions, he is far more susceptible to reason.”

Rubi’s brows furrowed. He looked up at Toudai with that obvious expression of pain.

“Toudai, I…” Rubi clenched his teeth as tears stung his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry you have to put up with this. I’m sorry I put you through this. I’m sorry! I—”

“Shoosh, Rubi.” Toudai’s hands found purchase on Rubi’s cheeks. He bent down and kissed the top of his emotional lover’s head. “It’s okay. It’ll all be okay. As the saying goes ‘better late than never’. Just as with Roppi, now that you are aware of what you’ve done wrong, you can only go up from this terrible pit. You know better now. You’re ashamed that it took you so long to come to this conclusion. And that’s okay. Now, once Tsuki heals, we can finally take him home and no amount of Roppi protesting will sway you. You’ll finally do the right thing.”

Rubi couldn’t keep the sobs from seeping forth. “How can you be so forgiving?! I let this go on for a year! I might as well have kidnapped Tsuki myself! I—”

“I can forgive you because I know you will never forgive yourself.”

Rubi’s eyes widened.

“And that is proof that you have truly reflected on what you’ve done wrong. As the bible says, ‘you will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins’. Since you’ve acknowledged all you’ve done wrong, since you want to repent, you can finally move on. You can finally start working on your happiness. You and I, we can finally have a future together.”

Rubi was silent in awe for a moment. Then he chuckled. “If I remember correctly, the rest of that verse is, ‘Confess them and give them up; then God will show mercy to you’. Maybe Roppi was right. Maybe you do fancy yourself God.”

Toudai was quiet. His expression shifted. That gentle smile—for a split second—vanished in a glower. Then confliction. Then the smile was back. Rubi didn’t understand why he was upset, but he knew he upset Toudai with his words.

“I’m sorry.” Rubi said, quickly.

“I am not God.” Toudai stated. “And I would prefer if you throw out such thoughts now. The last thing either of us want is for your love to warp to obsessive devotion.”

Rubi tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you start saying that I’m an angel sent from heaven. You love me, but then you start thinking that I was sent to you by God, that you and I were destined to meet. So, you start treating me like I’m ‘holier than thou’ or like a precious sacred virgin to never be touched. You stop looking at me as your lover, but as something to guard. To put it simply, I become God in your eyes and a love for God is not the same as a love for your partner.”

Rubi’s eyes widened. “I-I-I-I won’t get like that! I promise! I—”

“No, you will not.” Toudai stared down at him with a cold expression that made a pit of fear fester in Rubi’s chest. “If you ever do, I will leave you.”

Rubi’s hands started to shake. Those words chilled him to the core. He tilted his head down. Then another chuckle bubbled in his throat.

“You can forgive me for letting Tsuki be hurt for the past year, but if I start looking at you as my God, that’s when you draw the line.”

Toudai’s hand smacked the top of Rubi’s head. It didn’t hurt, but it got the point across. Rubi looked up at him with a sorrowful gaze.

“You know now what you’ve done is wrong.” Toudai said. “Tsuki has suffered, yes, but so have you and so has Roppi. What’s done is done. We cannot change the past. But we can make it so the past doesn’t steal our future. I can help Tsuki going forward. I can help Roppi get better. And since you can’t forgive yourself, the only way I can help you is to forgive you.”

“But I don’t deserve forgiveness.”

“I disagree completely. If you agreed with or partook in Roppi’s vile acts, then I would say so. But you truly regret your decisions. From where I stand, there’s no reason for me not to forgive you.”

Rubi clenched his teeth again. Tears streaked Rubi’s cheeks.

“I don’t deserve you.” The white wolf said. “None of us do. Tsuki’s the only one…”

Rubi trailed off as emotions clogged his throat. He tilted his head down, resting his head on Toudai’s lap.

“You deserve better than what I can give you.” Rubi sobbed. “Better than what I have given you. I promised you a happy future and all I’ve done is made you overwork and helpless.”

Rubi looked up at him once again.

“How can you be with someone as wretched as me?”

“Simple, because I love you.”

Rubi’s brows only furrowed to such a statement. Such love and tenderness. Rubi didn’t deserve it. He was a terrible person, a selfish person. He didn’t deserve Toudai’s affection. That acknowledgement hurt Rubi, but he knew it to be true. However, he couldn’t argue with Toudai either. So, he just tilted his head back down to rest on Toudai’s lap again and cried like a child.

“There is good in you, my love.” Toudai rested his head on Rubi’s. “I see it. I’ve known it was there from the beginning. From the day I met you. Even through this last year, I could still see that good, wanting to come to the surface but struggling to do so.”

Toudai kissed Rubi’s head.

“Mayhaps love is blind. But I’ve never once saw you as a villain, Rubi. I was disappointed, enraged, but never hateful. I love you, and I forgive you for all you’ve done—even if no one else will. I’m proud that you’ve finally seen the error of your ways. I’m proud of the progress you’ve made to fight your past demons and become better than you were. And I know you’ll continue to grow and become better until you can consider yourself to be a good man. Until you can see the man that I see every day.”

Rubi grabbed Toudai’s hoari hard. Sobs wracked his form, his shoulders jolting with every breath.

“I’m sorry.” Rubi cried.

“It’s okay.”

“You deserve better.”

“Then you’ll just have to give me better.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“But you have me. Best not to squander it.”

“I love you. So damn much.”

Toudai kissed the back of Rubi’s head again. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> *So, ruby is spelt ルビ . However, the romanization is spelt ‘rubi’. It’s basically the difference between Tokio and Tokyo—there isn’t any. In English, it matters, but in Japanese it doesn’t. So, by personal choice you can write it ‘ruby’ or ‘rubi’ when referencing the word in Japanese. I chose to write it as ‘Rubi’ to give it a more Japanese spelling instead of English.
> 
> **Spring solstice is in March. So is daylights savings. So, it works!
> 
> ***A geisha brothel
> 
> Rubi and Toudai are the quintessential relationship. They are the perfect example of true love, regardless of (appropriate) age, gender, and discriminatory conventions. Hibiya and Delic didn’t start on a foundation of trust and had a relationship based around secrets and sex. They loved each other but it was surrounded by a physical relationship. The moment they attempted to be more intimate with no trust, it came crumbling down. Roppi and Tsuki are obviously not love. And unfortunately, I can’t divulge in Shitsuo/Sakuraya’s or Shizuo/Izaya’s relationship just yet, but know that their relations aren’t the healthiest either.
> 
> Rubi and Toudai really are the healthiest relationship in the wolf pack. Toudai, in particular, is someone who has seen his demons and decided he didn’t like them. He didn’t like what he saw in the mirror, so he chose to change and be a better person. Despite his rough background, he had a father who was loving and wanted the best for him without undermining Toudai’s happiness. Toudai truly is a good man and Rubi really is lucky to have him.
> 
> Really, these two are so great to write about. They have a relationship that is very realistic and down to earth. I love it. I love it so much that I’m writing a separate, slice-of-life story about these two. :) It won’t be posted until White Rabbit is done, but hopefully by then it’ll be done so I just have to proofread and post.
> 
> Onto another subject about this story: This motherfucker was 131 pages. I’m sorry. I am very, very sorry for posting another beast of a one-shot. I don’t mean to. I just decide to write it as a one-shot with the intention for it to be a one-shot and then I shove all this information in and…well…fuck…This is officially my longest one-shot. Tainted Love was 122 pages so…yeah :’)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to leave kudos, comments, and all that jazz. See you back in Red Riding Hood.
> 
> KCK


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